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Financial Issues This forum is for discussing any of the financial issues involved in your divorce.

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Old 08-04-2011, 06:31 AM
FatherofTwo FatherofTwo is offline
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Unhappy Ok, I am officially financially screwed. Motion-of-Change gone wrong.

Well, it is official... I am screwed. Here is my situation:

We seperated in Sept 2009 and even though she has always made more money then me I agreed to pay her 50% of all extraordinary expenses. I also wanted a better job at the time so I based my income off a higher salary that I wanted and paid her a higher table amount. I felt bad for leaving and wanted to make sure she was taken care of. I ended up leaving the relationship with the clothes on my back which I think is, more often then not, common.

After many failed attempts to get a seperation agreement drafted up with her I ended up filing my affidavit for divorce in Dec 2010 and proceeding through the courts to try to help get things speeded up.

She has somehow always been able to afford to get a lawyer where I have always been self litigating which might explain how I have a $10k personal loan on a van we owned, a $10k VISA balance from our marriage and other debts which were accumilated while we were married.

I work in the automotive industry as a general labourer making $13/hour and when doing up my financial statement I put down my full income plus 4 hours overtime as I ALWAYS had atleast that and didn't want a huge varience at the end of the year. I want my kids provided for as much as I can.

The japan disaster hit just prior to our court apperance on April 5, 2010 before the judge and I lost all overtime but I could still manage so I didn't say anything. The courts were pretty good to me and we rectified things based on the table amount and extraordinary expenses.

April 12, 2010 it was announced that we were going down to 4 days a week with further possible cuts coming so I contacted my ex-wife and explained to her that I was going to do whatever I could to keep up with payments but it was going to be hard. My girlfriend got hit harder with her shifts being cut down to 2 days to 3 days a week so I was partially supporting her too.

April 17, 2010 my terminally-ill father, for whole I am a primary care-giver for, attempted to commit suicide. Out of anger for not noticing the warning signs I ended up punching the wall and broke two bones on my right wrist which is my dominant hand. While at the hospital with my dad I had x-rays done and it was inconclusive but told it was common for scaphoid injuries which they suspected it was in my case and I was told to come back in two weeks. I went to work the next day and work refused to find me anything working with only my left hand since it put me at further risk to injury working with a non-dominant hand also put me at chemical exposure since I cant wear a glove on my casted hand. I emailed my ex-wife to let her know about my dad and to let her know that work had told me I wouldn't be able to work.

I filed for the "compassionate care program" through HRC so that I would atleast attempt to get paid something while I was off and at the same time I would be able to take care of my father.

On May 6, 2011, I had my x-rays and follow-up bonescan to find out it was a scaphoid and MCP #2 frature with 6-8 weeks of casting including my thumb. I sent through a follow-up fax to my work updating them that I would be staying on compassionate care until the end of the program. I sent an email to my ex-wife telling her that I am struggling wth nothing coming from EI yet and my tax return running out. That my girlfriend isn't making enough money to make her bills let alone help me out and that I may be forced to go through the courts to solve things but I would try not to if possible.

On May 9, 2011 my father fell and broke his hip which resulted in being hospitalized. On May 13, 2011 he passed away. My compassionate care benefits were therefore cancelled as of the end of that week which resulted in one week of pay in total after the waiting period was over.

I called my work and told that I was no-longer on compassionate care and they requested a follow-up doctors note which I received and read "No use of right hand for 8-10 weeks". My work had just announced lay-off's because of the Japan situation and as expected, they found me left handed work doing a crap job. On May 27, 2011 I was given a weeks notice that my last day was going to be June 3, 2011.

I researched a reduction of child support and decided since my ex-wife has been kept in the loop then I would try concensual reduction. I drafted up a letter highlighting what has happened since the April 5, 2011 court order and attached all the information in regards to income, compassionate care program and anything else to support my claim. I gave it to her lawyer as I knew it was going there anyways. A week later I get a letter that basically tells me to "go fly a kite" and if my income is still low at the end of the year then perhaps they can look at a chance but nothing right now. I called them both verbally and only got voicemail but pleaded for them to do something as I had nothing to pay in the way of the higher child support.

June 10, 2011 I filed a Motion of Change (14 & 14A) requesting leave of the court in regards to a request for reduction of child support based on extraordinary circumstances and requesting the child support table amounts and no change to extraordinary expenses. I also filed my financial statement based on what my projected 2011 income would be and NOT what I was currently bringing in which means it was actually higher then it should of been. Again, trying to take care of my ex-wife for some stupid reason.

On June 29, 2011, the day of me leaving to go to crown land backpacking for 5 days, I got served with an affidavit and a 14(b) motion form. The affidavit was 32 paragraphs long and was full of misleading information and completely false statements. Things like my reducing child support payments against the court order, taking this to court without trying other methods, not being aware of my medical condition, wanting proof of my job searching for the past 4 months even though I was laid off for less then 1, stating that reducing down some of my expenses were going to magically fix my financial state and so on.

On July 11, 2011 I went to see free advice council and they told me that I had to send in an affidavit supporting my original motion of change and addressing all false and misleading accusations. It would also have to include all documentation to back up all claims that I was making. Fair enough, I did that and went to the court house on July 26, 2011 with my lengthly affidavit and updated financial statement to have it sworn. I then called my ex-wife to find out when she would be home which resulted in only being able to get my girlfriend to serve it to her on August 2, 2011 which we did.


Yesterday we went to the courthouse to file the affidavit of service and WHAM! We find out that we only had 4 days to file a response to the 14(b) motion and the judge has decided based solely on her affidavit of LIES which she served to me when she knew I was going to be going on vacation and knowing I wouldn't know anyting about the 4 days. The free advice council should have been able to tell me this!

The draft of the court order puts my motion of change on hold pending a few things. They want a doctors report detailing the injury, restrictions and why I can't work. They want detailed proof of payment for all money from April 5, 2011 till June 3, 2011. They are also requesting that I pay my ex-wife's lawyer bill of $580 for her to file the 14(b) motion which if I can't pay child support then how can I pay that??? I can't afford my own lawyer let alone one to fight against me! So everything I did since July has been for nothing but will save me time drafting up what I need to do now which I am not sure.


My financials are REALLY bad. Not because of debt but mainly because I have ADD, bi-polar and depression and medication alone costs me $450 per month which I don't have benefits for. When you factor that with the $715 per month in support I am paying over $13,000 right there. As of right now I am receiving $300 per week from HRC for employment insurance. I have no assets AT ALL.

Because my dad passed away we were forced to sell the house which the proceeds goes to my mum and we were forced to move into a new place which resulted in first/last being paid and increased living expenses.

At this time I am seriously thinking that I would have been better off miserable and self-hating myself still being married to my ex-wife and also being able to see my kids every day. I am also considering leaving my current amazing soulmate girlfriend because I can't keep shattering her dreams of a future and holding her back. This whole thing is killing me inside and I am not able to live like this.

I am not sure how to even respond to the newest court order draft.
  #2  
Old 08-04-2011, 09:08 AM
Mess Mess is offline
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If you spent $50,000 on drugs and hookers in the last 6 months and now were in debt up to your ears and couldn't afford support, would I feel sorry for you?

But you've done the same thing. YOU decided to pay more than you could afford all along in support. That meant your ex was not paying half as much as she should out of her own income to support the child, she was essentially a deadbeat. What was she spending her money on while you were overpaying?

I'm being harsh here, but you dug your own hole. Instead of planning a backpacking trip you should have been focusing on your court case. All of your details and records should have been on hand long ago. If you wanted to self-rep you should have been doing non-stop research and treating it like a full time job.

So now you are screwed. You can do the best you can. You are very likely to lose this if you do a bad job, and you will be found to be imputed an income that you can't earn. There is a reality in life, sometimes you lose. You have to be prepared for that.

After reading everything it doesn't even seem like you're asking a question. How many hours did it take to write that up? Work on your case, refute her allegations.

Write up your response so that the judge sees on one or two pages, at a glance, why the things she claims is made up. Then attach the proof to the back. The judge won't read 100 pages, the judge wants to see a clear, logical, well-written argument.

Put thoughts about supporting your girlfriend and your other problems out of your head. Focus on one thing, your court case, and do your best to win it.
  #3  
Old 08-04-2011, 09:29 AM
FatherofTwo FatherofTwo is offline
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You have no clue how much time and energy I have spent on this court case. I am a research-aholic and don't enter into anything lightly. My kids are my life and I used to believe that if I have to sacrafice a few things to give them a better life then I will but apparently my ex-wife just takes advantage of it. The natural disaster of the decade, death of my father, 13 week casting of my wrist were things that didn't exactly work out in my favor so I am trying to fix things.

I have my affidavit done which is without emotion and directly in response to her affidavit and has all the documentation to back up my initial claims except my doctors report which I have an appointment scheduled for August 12th for which it was booked in the middle of July. It has to be revised though to reference the new court order that will be finalized soon but the majority of the work is done.

FYI, It took my ex-wife 30 days to respond to my motion of change, which she is entitled to, and while she was responding I decided to backpack 2 hours north of here on crown land as in free to camp on. I got the response the day that I was leaving for 5 days and no where on the documentation did it mention that I had 4 days to respond. In fact, no where on the internet can I find *ANYTHING* that states that a motion has to be responded to within 4 days. My point is that Duty Council didn't even mention this fact to me. How can people that pass the bar not be aware of this and how can it not be a known fact via internet searches?

I have spent approximately 40 hours working directly on my affidavit, approximately 12 hours of travel time back and forth to the court house, approximately 8 hours waiting in the courthouse, had my girlfriend serve my ex-wife meaningless paperwork which took her 2 hours and then had her drive to the courthouse and spend 2 hours trying to file the affidavit of service. All this because I got the wrong information from duty council.

I was sort of looking for some type of moral support or advice on how to proceed or case reference or even an answer on how you would suggest I proceed based on the situation. The clerk told me that I now have to bring about a motion or order to get this back in front of a judge. A simple affidavit response at this point will just be put into the paperwork and be lost in the shuffle. I have 60 days from July 16, 2011 to respond to the court order.
  #4  
Old 08-04-2011, 10:14 AM
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dadtotheend dadtotheend is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by FatherofTwo View Post
At this time I am seriously thinking that I would have been better off miserable and self-hating myself still being married to my ex-wife and also being able to see my kids every day.
That's a good look.

Dude if you want moral support, go to group.

VERY long winded accounts of your sorry situation have a way of losing the message.

Instead of playing the violin, cut your arguments down to the financial stuff and leave out the Dad and GF noise. And don't for a minute think that her affidavit is the first one the court has seen that is full of lies.
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Old 08-04-2011, 10:20 AM
FatherofTwo FatherofTwo is offline
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Ok, I am done.
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Old 08-04-2011, 10:23 AM
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There you go!

That's the spirit!

Championship form!
  #7  
Old 08-04-2011, 06:33 PM
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Originally Posted by FatherofTwo View Post
Ok, I am done.
I am not the least bit surprised - that is your MO and it's what got you to where you are today.

Cheers!

Gary
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Old 08-04-2011, 07:53 PM
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I am not the least bit surprised - that is your MO and it's what got you to where you are today.

Cheers!

Gary
Ouch Harsh
  #9  
Old 08-11-2011, 03:02 PM
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you guys are very harsh to him
he is looking for guidance and compassion not an ass tearing
yes for court stick to your financials..........gf stays out and she should even attend ..........nothing to do with her at all.........
your life is in a bad spot and Im sorry to hear of it fatheroftwo and it hasnt got any better with passing of time.....now you look for a shoulder to lean on and you get slaughtered like the lamb..........
you guys that are bashing him get off your high horses!!!!!!!! the guy is being raped financially and emotionally strained...........
take each claim she has made one by one and state your reply
once you have that together then condense it to the facts.......take facts and arrange them chronologically then condense it again.......get rid of the babble.........stick to the facts........can even be point form.

leave your dad and gf out of it......btw sorry for your loss

let me know how it goes
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Old 08-11-2011, 07:49 PM
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Hi,

I don't think they were being harsh at all. Some times people need a dose of reality in the situation they have found themselves in. I wouldn't want to see the affidavits for this file.

Too many people go to the legal system searching for "justice". The legal system doesn't dish out justice.

I can see where the comments are coming from. They are parents who have made a significant dedication to understanding the legal system so they can solve problems. They spent a lot of time learning and understanding the system and their children's needs.

They are some of (or are) the most competent posters on this forum in my opinion. Although "straight to the point" I don't see any holes in their arguments. It appears they have litigation experience in front of a judge to me.

Good luck!
Tayken
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