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Divorce & Family Law This forum is for discussing any of the legal issues involved in your divorce.

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  #1  
Old 06-17-2019, 11:16 AM
iona6656 iona6656 is offline
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Default What to do with this information? Pt. 2

Ex took D2 to McDonalds on Saturday and fed her chicken nuggets.

Issue- D2 is severely anaphylactic to dairy.

All you have to do is google "Chicken McNuggets ingredients"- and you get a warning that they fry the nuggets in the same fryer as the buttermilk chicken patty. I reminded Ex that D2 anaphylaxed to baked buttermilk powder last year. I also reminded him of D2's allergist recommended protocols that say she shouldn't be eating products that say "may contain dairy" or "produced in a facility that contains dairy/milk".

Also- you'd have to be blind to not see the notices posted all around McDonalds saying they can't control the risk of cross contamination. Not to mention the potential for dairy on all surfaces of that place- D2 is contact allergic as well and gets crazy hives and swelling if she touches a surface that has/had dairy on it.

He got defensive and said she's eaten nuggets there before and not had any issue. And he had her Epi pen with him. But that's like playing Russian roulette with D2. Also- Epi doesn't always work to stop a reaction.

I didn't go postal and suggested we discuss this with our co-parent therapist. I sent him an OFW message outlining the allergy protocol recommended by D2's allergist and said he should give her a call and speak to her about this.

But I don't know that I can do anything else. His visits are already supervised- though his sister has some questionable judgment as well to have gone along with this. Again- all you have to do is google the ingredients to see the warning of the risk of cross contamination.

D2 didn't know what McDonald's was because I don't take her to restaurants (well- I used to go to Swiss Chalet because their fries used to be safe. they're not anymore. stupid garlic parmesan fries). I didn't want her to want to go there because I didn't want her to know what she was missing.

If I make a big deal of this- he'll likely lie about this stuff. But now I'm terrified about his judgment on this type of thing.
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Old 06-17-2019, 11:39 AM
rockscan rockscan is offline
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Did she have a reaction?

Is it against the allergy protocol? Didnít he refuse to agree?

I think if she had a reaction I would use it to request a new supervisor since clearly neither one of them is following a safe situation.

If she didnít have the reaction is it really a hill to die on? I think this may be a little helicopter-y...
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Old 06-17-2019, 11:44 AM
iona6656 iona6656 is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by rockscan View Post
Did she have a reaction?

Is it against the allergy protocol? Didnít he refuse to agree?

I think if she had a reaction I would use it to request a new supervisor since clearly neither one of them is following a safe situation.

If she didnít have the reaction is it really a hill to die on? I think this may be a little helicopter-y...
she was extra itchy with red patches on her hands- likely from dairy on surfaces. But that can happen anywhere really. I gave her some Rupall and she's been okay.

It IS against her allergy protocol. He knows this.

It's great that she didn't have a reaction- but again- it's like russian roulette. Just because she didn't react previously- doesn't mean it won't happen. All it takes is one stray piece of batter to get onto the nuggets. You don't risk cross contamination with her. Her IGE numbers are well over 100 for her dairy allergy. It's just clearly unsafe.

the thing is- what am I supposed to wait for? For her to have a reaction? She's already had that in his care. It was moderate and he said he didn't know what it was to- and he gave her Benadryl...she was okay. I accepted that as is and didn't think further about it.
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Old 06-18-2019, 09:03 AM
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Janus Janus is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by iona6656 View Post
If I make a big deal of this- he'll likely lie about this stuff.
That kinda answers your question, does it not?

My siblings carried their own epipens from the time they were six or so. They knew how to use them, and did use them. That said, for your consideration, they all eat products that have the "may contain" label on them. Our allergist said that those labels are generally legal shields, not actual indications of risk.

Also, moderate exposure to allergans is not actually a bad thing. Most kids with severe allergies are usually prescribed a certain level of exposure. It mutes the reaction over time. Probably "random bits of batter" is not the ideal exposure scenario, but it also likely is not as horrifying as you are thinking.
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Old 06-18-2019, 12:53 PM
iona6656 iona6656 is offline
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That kinda answers your question, does it not?
yes it does. He assured me that he won't take her there anymore. I don't know if that's true. But I asked that we discuss this issue with our co-parent therapist. And I know exactly what she is going to suggest - "why don't you meet with D2's allergist to understand her allergy protocols?". Yeah- I told him that a year ago. But I just know my ex needs to hear it from someone who is not me. So if I have to pay $150 for someone else to tell him that- well....what's my kids safety worth?

I really want to stop thinking my ex is an idiot, but he makes it really hard.

[/quote]

Quote:
My siblings carried their own epipens from the time they were six or so. They knew how to use them, and did use them. That said, for your consideration, they all eat products that have the "may contain" label on them. Our allergist said that those labels are generally legal shields, not actual indications of risk.
I will strap that shit to her leg as soon as I know that she can safely administer it. I've seen a 5 year old do it- so that's the goal.

Each kid is going to be different on what they can tolerate. D2s allergist wants us to avoid the "may contain" label- just because of the severity of previous reactions.

Quote:
Also, moderate exposure to allergans is not actually a bad thing. Most kids with severe allergies are usually prescribed a certain level of exposure. It mutes the reaction over time. Probably "random bits of batter" is not the ideal exposure scenario, but it also likely is not as horrifying as you are thinking.
that's what the OIT is for. Micro-exposures to build up tolerance.

It's not that this particular instance is horrifying. People make mistakes. You have to be extra vigilant with D2- but her pre-school teachers, who care about her a ton and watch her like a hawk have fed her stuff that caused reactions. It's life. Mistakes happen. It's just moreso that he makes stupid judgment calls like that. And then tries to lie or cover it up after the fact.

I fully get that the threat of litigation hanging over our head does NOT facilitate or help with the exchange of information. In our last co-parent session- I think I finally got through to him why I want to reach a settlement- I don't want him thinking that making a mistake with her allergies is a reason not to tell me about something- or worse- not treat it or try to cover it up.

He actually told the OIT doctor that he's afraid if she has a reaction on his time with OIT (it happens) - I'll use it against him. I would not. But I get why he feels that way...know what the solution is? Get out of litigation.
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Old 07-05-2019, 09:34 AM
iona6656 iona6656 is offline
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I can't handle how fucking stupid my ex is on this.

I let everything drop and asked to discuss this in co-parent counselling yesterday.

I explained that I get that mistakes happen- I make them, her school makes them. I know he will make them...but what worries me is his trying to cover things up. Like him saying that she's had them before- but then later saying it was a one time occurence and she's never had McDonald's before...


So our therapist asked, "Has D2 been to McDonald's before? Have you fed it to her?"

He goes:

Yes, well- no, she's never gone there before. We normally go through the drive through and pick up happy meals for the kids (his sisters 3 kids)- because they have to eat too. Then we take it home and D2 eats the meals I prepare.

Well- isn't that lovely? D2 fully understands what it is- and you let her watch her cousins eat it- but then say "here's your chicken and veggies!"....really?

Our therapist called him on that- and said she worries whether that would leave D2 feeling excluded. Then she asked "why didn't you ever feed it to her before?"

He said because he thought it wasn't safe- but then realized what saying that meant (why the fuck would he take her there and feed it to her last week then???)...and then said "Oh- it's not healthy. And I don't want my daughter eating McDonalds"....

I was just sitting there trying to control my expressions.

anyways- he said it was a mistake and he shouldn't have just relied on the cashier's assurance that the nuggets don't have dairy in it. He should've googled it himself.

I offered to send him a list of frozen foods that are safe he can pick up and have on hand for D2. It's hard- you just have to be prepared when you have her. He'll get used to it.

Just the stupidity of his lying. blargh.
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Old 07-05-2019, 06:17 PM
ClearWay Law ClearWay Law is offline
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Wow I didn't know Chicken Nuggets had dairy!
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Old 07-14-2019, 03:57 PM
fireweb13 fireweb13 is offline
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Alot of people do not understand how bad these allergies can be. Also because D is 2 years old she likely cannot explain if a reaction is coming on. With those numbers I would be very cautious. Has he been trained in what to do if an allergic reaction happens? I would also make sure that you both have at least 2 EPI pens on you and on any caregiver who is taking care of her. More is even better but never less than 2 of them. I am a paramedic, and also run a first aid training business.
Also micro-exposures to the allergen should be done in a clinical setting, and there are currently studies that are showing reasonable doubt about its effectiveness.

Hope that helps, make sure to never withhold a second dose of EPI if your child starts to show signs of the reaction coming back. You can order a free trainer from the EPI pen company to teach everyone who is around you daughter how to use it, and start teaching your daughter to use it safely herself
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Old Yesterday, 09:13 AM
iona6656 iona6656 is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by fireweb13 View Post
Alot of people do not understand how bad these allergies can be. Also because D is 2 years old she likely cannot explain if a reaction is coming on. With those numbers I would be very cautious. Has he been trained in what to do if an allergic reaction happens? I would also make sure that you both have at least 2 EPI pens on you and on any caregiver who is taking care of her. More is even better but never less than 2 of them. I am a paramedic, and also run a first aid training business.
Also micro-exposures to the allergen should be done in a clinical setting, and there are currently studies that are showing reasonable doubt about its effectiveness.

Hope that helps, make sure to never withhold a second dose of EPI if your child starts to show signs of the reaction coming back. You can order a free trainer from the EPI pen company to teach everyone who is around you daughter how to use it, and start teaching your daughter to use it safely herself
He has been trained. I've always administered the EPI. I worry about him knowing the signs of her reactions because he's never been around when they happen- except once where I epi'd (eyes almost swollen shut).

Yes- she has two EpiPen Jrs in her diaper bag at all times. When she had her severe reaction last year- she actually had a rebound reaction in the ER- and they had to give her another dose of epinephrine...and that was to baked milk product. Her allergies are not to be underestimated. I carry one in my purse- and he has one at his mom's house -and I have one at my parents house as backup.

I have the epipen trainer- everyone who spends time with D2 knows how to use it. She'll be 3 in October- and I'll start teaching her how to administer it then- and I work with her on what an allergic reaction is now.
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