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Parenting Issues This forum is for discussing any of the parenting issues involved in your divorce, including parenting of step-children.

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  #1  
Old 04-02-2019, 09:15 PM
Mother Mother is offline
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Default Behavioral issues

Haven't been here for a while so perhaps this has already been discussed. I'll then appreciate if you let me know when and how to find that topic. Also sorry my post is rather long.

The issue is the following. Parents have 50/50 legal custody of the child, Parent 1 has every other weekend and every other mid week overnight access.

Child (C) is an elementary school student. For a while now C exhibiting some disruptive behavior at school, disobedient, screaming and/or crying in class, doesn't listen to the teacher, walks around the class when C is supposed to sit down and do whatever kids are doing during the class. etc.


A number of meetings with the teacher, child and both parents took place with no positive outcome.

Parent 1 then offered to have the child assessed by a specialist(s) in children behavior/psychologist/professional in this field.

Parent 2 is fiercely opposed and doesn't want to even consider such assessment.

Parent 1 who is proposing the evaluation has no issues whatsoever with the child when the C is at home with that parent. No tantrums, no screaming, no crying, very cooperative, except for minor, usual kids begging "I don't want to go to bed" kind of things, nothing alarming at all, never, not a single time. The same is the case when the child is with the grandparents/relatives of Parent 1. No one can complain about a thing.

The only explanation or a guess as to the reason for such strong opposition from Parent 2 to the professional evaluation of the child is that Parent 2 has something to hide and is concerned that during the evaluation something can/will be discovered that they don't want to be discovered. Nothing else comes to mind as to what the other reason could be.

Whatever the cause of the problem is, Parent's 1 thinks it is needed to be discovered, discussed, corrected. There should be a reason for such child's behavior at school.

The question is: can Parent 1 take the child for evaluation without any consent of Parent 2? If not, then what can be done to evaluate the C without Parent's 2 consent? CAS?
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  #2  
Old 04-02-2019, 10:02 PM
Stillbreathing Stillbreathing is offline
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The first step would be to take the child to their family doctor and rule out any medical problems .
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Old 04-02-2019, 10:38 PM
Mother Mother is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Stillbreathing View Post
The first step would be to take the child to their family doctor and rule out any medical problems .

This step has already been taken.
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Old 04-02-2019, 11:20 PM
Selfrepmom Selfrepmom is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Mother View Post
The issue is the following. Parents have 50/50 legal custody of the child, Parent 1 has every other weekend and every other mid week overnight access.

Child (C) is an elementary school student. For a while now C exhibiting some disruptive behavior at school, disobedient, screaming and/or crying in class, doesn't listen to the teacher, walks around the class when C is supposed to sit down and do whatever kids are doing during the class.
From the info you’ve provided it sounds like Parent 1 is EOW and an additional overnight on the weeks in between? (Aka the “fun” parent). From my experience, the EOW parent does not see bad behaviour from the child like the other parent does. The other parent is the child’s comfort zone- they know what buttons to push and how far they can take things. Same with school to an extent- they are with the same teacher every day. They know how far to push things.

Of COURSE Parent 2 is objecting an assessment. They probably feel that it is
A) a direct attack on their parenting skills
B) some sort of ploy to prove a material change and therefore switch up the current custody arrangement

You did not mention how old exactly the child is and whether they are male or female. “Elementary” school could mean pre teen. Which means hormones. Although you don’t go into detail “doesn’t listen to the teacher and walks around the class” is not necessarily abnormal (unless they’re walking laps around the classroom muttering obscenities to themself for the entire day....)
Screaming/crying- again you don’t provide detail. Are we talking unprovoked blood curling screams and sobbing fits on a daily basis? Or is it a twelve year old girl shedding a few tears because her “boyfriend” just broke up with her?

If it is truly abnormal and disturbing behaviour for a child their age, you’re gonna wanna dial back the “Child NEVER acts like this around ME” routine. It’s only going to get the other parent’s defenses up. Try asking them if they notice what seems to trigger the child’s behaviour, if they have found anything that helps combat it, and what you can do to help out. Approach this as a team, and slowly ease into the assessment suggestions if it doesn’t get better.
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Old 04-03-2019, 09:10 AM
iona6656 iona6656 is offline
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Were both parents at the medical appointment with the child's doctor?

Has parent 2 outlined their opposition for the assessment?

I don't know that you can reasonably jump to the conclusion (and Parent 1 IS jumping to that conclusion) that Parent 2 is trying to hide something. Parent 2 is entitled to their own beliefs about parenting.

All that being said- if this behaviour is detrimental to the child's education- and the recommended course of action by the school as well as the child's doctor is assessment- then I'd be pushing HARD for assessment.

What about the use of a parenting coordinator? Instead of taking this to court which is $$$ and hard on all the parties- why not try to find a neutral third party to help come to a decision.
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Old 04-03-2019, 10:57 AM
Mother Mother is offline
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* Child is not in a "hormonal" stage yet, far from it.
* Parent 2 explained the opposition by saying "It will get corrected by itself". * Why it didn't go away by itself in one year since this started?

* Both parents are entitled to their opinion. Actually everybody is entitled to their own opinion.

* Parent 1 is NOT jumping, Parent 1 is concerned. Would you be?

* School is the entity that raised this concern first, meetings between all parties were held, etc, nothing has changed.
* Parent 2 is opposed to involve ANYONE and doesn't want ANYBODY to talk to the child. If you can think of ANY reasonable explanation as to why Parent 2 is opposing to involve any professional, than what do you think can it be?

* Parent 1 does NOT want to go to court. Parent 1 wants to understand what is going though Child's mind, why otherwise absolutely normal child is behaving that way at school.

* Parent 1 or Parent 2, or Parent 3,4,5,6,7, etc do not hold a license to have any child in their custody just because that's what they want or if they feel "some sort of ploy to prove a material change and therefore switch up the current custody arrangement". It is all what is better for that child.

The reason I gave all the details in my first post and my question was not about your opinion on the parenting skills, current situation between parties involved etc.



My question was this: can Parent 1 take the child for evaluation without any consent of Parent 2? If not, then what can be done to evaluate the C without Parent's 2 consent? CAS?
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Old 04-03-2019, 11:00 AM
Mother Mother is offline
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"Approach this as a team".... I wish! When someone is "My way or Highway", the team work cannot exist. That parent was called "non negotiable" once and that's the problem.
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Old 04-03-2019, 11:06 AM
iona6656 iona6656 is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Mother View Post

The reason I gave all the details in my first post and my question was not about your opinion on the parenting skills, current situation between parties involved etc.
if you don't want to hear opinions and just want a straight legal answer- maybe ask a lawyer? No one is critiquing anyone's parenting in the replies. Everyone is asking questions or giving alternative scenarios to see if OP- you- have considered other options.

Quote:
My question was this: can Parent 1 take the child for evaluation without any consent of Parent 2? If not, then what can be done to evaluate the C without Parent's 2 consent? CAS?
If the parties have joint custody- it means all major decisions are supposed to be made jointly. Having a child assessed, in my opinion, is a major decision involving health and/or education- therefore, Parent 1 cannot unilaterally make that decision. I don't think anything can be done without Parent 2's consent. Any professional educational psychological assessor would require both parent's consent as well. Plus, here's where I would judge Parent 1- if you chose to make decisions jointly, why would this decision be any different?

If Parent 1 doesn't think Parent 2 is making decisions in the child's best interest, I'm not sure how you get around going to court to get the assessment done.
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Old 04-03-2019, 11:45 AM
rockscan rockscan is offline
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Just because a parent doesn’t want to do something doesn’t mean they have something to hide. See anti-vaxers. They aren’t hiding their crazy. Parent 2 may not trust an expert or want to pay the cost. There a number of other reasons I can think of other than “Im hiding something.”

Give it three months and see what the school will do if it doesn’t stop. Some kids go through a phase or have issues with a school setting. If there was an issue at parent 2s house then you would see it happening at parent 1s house too. There is some sort of trigger at school.
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Old 04-03-2019, 01:20 PM
Selfrepmom Selfrepmom is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Mother View Post
* Parent 2 is opposed to involve ANYONE and doesn't want ANYBODY to talk to the child. If you can think of ANY reasonable explanation as to why Parent 2 is opposing to involve any professional, than what do you think can it be?
See my last reply (personal attack on parenting skills, worried other parent is trying to prove material change) as well as previous posters reasons. There could be a hundred things, and none of them involve a hidden agenda


Quote:
Originally Posted by Mother View Post
* Parent 1 or Parent 2, or Parent 3,4,5,6,7, etc do not hold a license to have any child in their custody just because that's what they want or if they feel "some sort of ploy to prove a material change and therefore switch up the current custody arrangement". It is all what is better for that child.
You’re absolutely right, neither parent holds a license to switch around custody. You know who does hold a license (so to speak) to change custody/access legally though? A judge. And if that judge is given a legit material change in circumstance, they can use that “license”. I am not saying this is Parent 1’s plan. I am merely trying to offer an outside perspective on what might be (irrationally) going through Parent 2’s head in their reasoning to object to an assessment.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Mother View Post
The reason I gave all the details in my first post and my question was not about your opinion on the parenting skills, current situation between parties involved etc.
Unfortunately your lack of details in the original post leave other forum members to fill in the blanks. We can’t give you suggestions on what alternative options are open to you because we are not privy to all of the details. If you had said “My eleven year old daughter has been acting out in class for almost a year now. She will occasionally tell the teacher to get bent, and goes to the washroom without permission. It all started when her mom/dad (primary caregiver) sold the home she had lived in all her life and she started grade six with a new teacher she doesn’t like. Oh and her best friend moved away” then none of us are going to suggest you go to CAS
If you had said “My 6 year old daughter has been acting out in class for almost a year now. She begins sobbing uncontrollably for no apparent reason almost daily, has been hitting other students, is getting failing grades, and is stealing other classmates belongings. This all began when the child’s mom moved her new boyfriend into the home. He has an extensive criminal record, and the mom leaves the child alone with him every night while she goes out drinking and smoking crack” then I think we can all agree there is something there that needs attention
If you are able to provide more detail perhaps some members can offer more valuable input


Quote:
Originally Posted by Mother View Post
My question was this: can Parent 1 take the child for evaluation without any consent of Parent 2? If not, then what can be done to evaluate the C without Parent's 2 consent? CAS?
No. They canÂ’t. What can be done without other parentÂ’s consent? Taking them to court and proving to a judge that the child is having actual issues that would require an order for psychological intervention. It seems the family doctor doesnÂ’t seem to have any concerns with the child (at least from what youÂ’ve indicated). If you are convinced the child needs help, then get ready to gather evidence. Lack of the family doctor feeling there is cause for concern is already a notch against your case. I suppose you could try gathering an affidavit from the school staff concerning the childÂ’s wild behaviour- although from what IÂ’ve read it can be difficult to get school staff involved in family court matters. Report cards may be helpful if they mention the behaviour in them?

I agree with Rockscan though- it sounds like the trigger is at school (again this is based on the limited info provided) Perhaps the child is having issues with a bully? With increasing class sizes this can be something that a teacher does not really see. Or maybe there is an issue with the actual teacher?
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