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Financial Issues This forum is for discussing any of the financial issues involved in your divorce.

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  #1  
Old 04-01-2019, 02:45 PM
Helpmyspouse Helpmyspouse is offline
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Default Mediation up in the air

I posted last month about going to mediation with Alf Mamo. I've been at this since 2013 and looking forward to some movement. Even though I doubt mediation will work. The lawyer on the other side is a real asshole. He has been stalling inflating my legal fees. It doesn't make a difference if we go to mediation or trial for him. He just wants to !ine his own pockets. I see no other logic as to why he is not motivated to do what is best for my kids. He is asking for spousal so that I, a single mom can go bankrupt. He sees his client is not employable and knows I am my childrens ONLY chance at financial security. He doesn't give a shit about the children involved. He had agreed verbally at last settlement conference to mediation. Well he has yet to return a signed agreement and not even answering my lawyers emails. I know mediation is voluntary but will the judge kick his ass when we go back before a judge. I want there to be consequences for this dirt bag. I wish the same karma on him.
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Old 04-01-2019, 03:20 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Helpmyspouse View Post
It doesn't make a difference if we go to mediation or trial for him.
If mediation will not work then you should just go straight to trial. Nobody is forcing you to engage in mediation, you are doing that to yourself.

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He is asking for spousal so that I, a single mom can go bankrupt.
Quote:
He sees his client is not employable
If your ex is not employable, then he needs spousal support. The lawyer for ex is asking for spousal support because he needs spousal support. I don't think anybody in the world cares enough about you to try and make you bankrupt.

A quick read of your past posts indicate that your ex might be represented by OPGT. If so, they might be mandated to seek support from somebody with the means to provide support. I would agree that this is annoying and mostly inappropriate.

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He doesn't give a shit about the children involved.
Lawyers are not paid to give a shit, they are paid to win. Do not expect a lawyer to do the "right thing", especially one that is representing your ex.

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I know mediation is voluntary but will the judge kick his ass when we go back before a judge.
No, probably not. If your ex has needs then he has the right to ask for spousal support.

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I want there to be consequences for this dirt bag.
For what, asking for spousal support? There will be no consequences.

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I wish the same karma on him.
Instead of thinking about karma, think about how you are going to extract yourself from this impending court case. Can you make an offer to settle that you can live with? If so, do so now. This might involve paying some SS, so try to make it time limited SS. Maybe incorporate CS into the order, and have it be offset from the SS you owe him.

That should be your focus, not some rantings about how your ex is evil and you hope the court will spank him.

I'm telling you right now that every penny you spend in mediation is wasted, you are clearly not in the right headspace for it.

Stop mediation, start the trial. Make an offer to settle.
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Old 04-01-2019, 05:47 PM
Helpmyspouse Helpmyspouse is offline
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Thanks for your reply. I don't think my ex is evil. He didn't cause his mental Illness but neither did I or our children. He is unemployable because he refuses to take his medication. Sorry
but that makes me upset. His lawyer is a self serving asshole who doesn't care to look at the big picture. That there are children who are suffering. It's the lawyer that I'm negotiating with, not even my ex. Instead of wanting to come to some agreement HE has been dragging this since 2013, he just keeps it going so he can keep billing. My ex has no voice in this case because the opgt is the client. This asshole lawyer represents the opgt.
You can see the conflict in this case and how I am at a disadvantage. I'm having to negotiate with a stranger who doesn't care about my family. At least if I was negotiating with my ex there would be some element of his care. I'm sure he would not want me bankrupt and his children homeless. I don't make enough to support my ex and financially support our children. Since when does the financial security of an adult trump that of children? His lawyer should want to mediate for what is best for my children. But clearly he wants trial. And he knows trial will cost me every cent I have left for my kids and I may still lose. Only an asshole would go this route and take blood from a stone. HE agreed to mediation and now seems to be reneging. That is not a jerk playing games with my family? Exploiting us because of our misfortune. My marriage of 20 years ONLY ended because my ex started showing signs of mental Illness and would become violent. Without him complying with meds, it was no longer safe to live with him. This is tragic. Are you saying lawyers have no heart? I'm believing this. Sorry this is making me very bitter.
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Old 04-02-2019, 09:26 PM
Stillbreathing Stillbreathing is offline
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Janus has some very good points. I would add that if you both agreed before a judge at your last conference to go to mediation and the other side has not yet complied with a signed agreement, you go back to court and ask the judge to move it on to trial and ask for costs. You need proof that you have signed the agreement and paid your half of the mediators retainer agreement. Set a motion date asking for the judge to move this along either to mediation or trial. Once the other side see you are serious the chances are high that before the motion date they will sign. If not the judge will try to persuade them to sign the agreement which they already agreed to and may set a deadline which if they donít meet they owe you costs. If they are not agreeable to signing then youíll be moving it forward to trial at which point you can ask for costs again due to their delaying.
Donít worry too much about a judge ordering you to pay ss to the detriment of the children. They wonít. Not if your financial circumstances are Truely so dire.
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Old 04-02-2019, 09:36 PM
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Also, if your ex is not working he needs a doctorís assessment stating he can not work and what treatment is recommended so that he can return to work. Not taking his meds wonít fly. In that case you ask to have an income imputed to him. He has a duty to try to mitigate his losses. If that means taking meds so he can work then that is what the court will expect of him. He can also apply for CPP-D if he is too ill to work. They also require extensive medical proof that he can not work. If he qualifies for CPP-D but canít be bothered to apply, well boo hoo , you add it to his income anyway when negotiating the finances.
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Old 04-10-2019, 06:44 AM
Helpmyspouse Helpmyspouse is offline
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Just an update. Mediation ending up taking place. Other side finally responded 3 days before this event. Made us scramble to get brief, etc in order. What a nice man. Just to recap spousal support is my biggest pain point. Paying him what his asshole lawyer has been requesting all along would leave me bankrupt. The mediator was great and quickly realized how unreasonable the other side is being. Mediator basically sided with me but unfortunately you can't cure a narcissitic asshole. It was great to be validated by a top notch mediator who recognized how I was doing great at maintaing a stable life for my kids given the circumstances and how I was still maintaing empathy for the father of my kids. We didn't come to full agreement but there will be more discussions. The mediator was able to bring spousal owing down to 20,000 for 8 years. Asshole lawyer asking for $30,000 for 6 years. The issue I am losing sleep over is the duration. There is no real closure as ex will come back for more and restart a legal nightmare. Or I go to trial. But I was told that even if I go to trial there won't be an end date. What would you do? Trial or agree to this short term offer? I've been at this for 6 years.
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Old 04-10-2019, 08:01 AM
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A review date in 3 years? Recipient of support should have to show specific steps taken to become self-sufficient. It is pretty important to have that set up and I am surprised that review date/self-sufficiency wasn't focus of discussion. With this you should be negotiating a step-down of support.
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Old 04-10-2019, 06:48 PM
Helpmyspouse Helpmyspouse is offline
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Many thanks for your post. It was a gruelling 8 hours. The asshole lawyer would not budge on the spousal issue. He finally did 15 min before end of day. So discussion was not finished. I will mention to my lawyer your suggestion about self sufficiency steps. . Not sure about the review in 3 years if that would cost me money in legal fees. I won't have any money left when this is done.
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Old 04-10-2019, 09:07 PM
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Get the review date. You don't know what your circumstances will be in 3 years (or whenever you decide to do it). A review provides you with the opportunity to do just that - review things with out having to have a "material change in circumstances" to have a look at your ex's situation and attempts towards self-sufficiency. A competent lawyer would combine that with a stepped-down approach with SS by way of an imputed income. If you do not have competent counsel just get the review date and you can get another lawyer down the road or you may opt to self-represent (as many others have done - not something I'd recommend unless you are motivated to self-educate in family law).
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Old 04-10-2019, 09:40 PM
Helpmyspouse Helpmyspouse is offline
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Sorry I'm not clear on the review date. I understand what it's for but if I give him x amount of money for 6 years for example. Wouldn't I just be waiting for him to come find me for more money on year 6? And wouldn't that be a new file? By me paying him any sum of money for spousal am I setting the status quo and agreeing he needs the support. Because I don't agree with it. I'm just choosing the lesser of two evils. I don't want to spend money for trial.
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