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  Ottawa Divorce .com Forums > Main Category > Parenting Issues

Parenting Issues This forum is for discussing any of the parenting issues involved in your divorce, including parenting of step-children.

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  #11  
Old 11-09-2015, 12:04 PM
rockscan rockscan is offline
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My partner has been going through this since his divorce several years ago. It was happening during the separation and divorce proceedings. You walk a fine line with the PAS theory and youre best to approach the denial of access over accusations of PAS. Get the access enforced and work on the talk therapy. Even if the access is to get him to therapy. Also do a canlii search on alienation cases to understand just how bad it has to get before judicial intervention is involved. Yes hes 8 so he shouldnt have much say and yes your ex is interfering. But playing the PAS card means $$$ and little positive outcomes. Focus on the interference and denial of access first.

Also, pick up the book "A Family's Heartbreak" by Mike Jeffries. I read it last year when things got really ugly between my partner and his kids. My partner went into therapy to deal with his emotions and how best to manage the relationship. Unfortunately his kids are older and have a say so fighting it legally is a losing battle. Having the right strategies emotionally will help you with your legal strategy too.
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  #12  
Old 11-09-2015, 04:32 PM
stripes stripes is offline
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Originally Posted by rockscan View Post
My partner has been going through this since his divorce several years ago. It was happening during the separation and divorce proceedings. You walk a fine line with the PAS theory and youre best to approach the denial of access over accusations of PAS. Get the access enforced and work on the talk therapy. Even if the access is to get him to therapy. Also do a canlii search on alienation cases to understand just how bad it has to get before judicial intervention is involved. Yes hes 8 so he shouldnt have much say and yes your ex is interfering. But playing the PAS card means $$$ and little positive outcomes. Focus on the interference and denial of access first.

Also, pick up the book "A Family's Heartbreak" by Mike Jeffries. I read it last year when things got really ugly between my partner and his kids. My partner went into therapy to deal with his emotions and how best to manage the relationship. Unfortunately his kids are older and have a say so fighting it legally is a losing battle. Having the right strategies emotionally will help you with your legal strategy too.

^^^ I think this is good advice. If you start talking about PAS, the onus will be on you to demonstrate that this is occurring (very difficult to do as there is still no widely-accepted definition of the term and many people doubt whether it fits the requirements of a syndrome at all). At the moment, you have a volatile 8-year-old and a crappy parent (Mom), which may not add up to alienation.

I think you are right to work on getting Mom to respect your parenting time. It will be difficult for Kid to sustain negative and hostile fantasies about Dad when he's spending time with Dad in person and Dad is clearly not acting like a monster. It's good that Kid is only 8 - this would be much more difficult if you have a teenager.

Shame on Mom for yelling that "he is not an object, he has a choice". The first part of that is correct - he is not an object, he is a child with two parents, who needs guidance and support to maintain his relationship with both of them. The second part is just wrong - he doesn't have a choice about whether to have a father or not, just like he doesn't have a choice about whether to go to school or whether to brush his teeth. This is what being a child means - sometimes you have to do things which are in your interest, even if you don't want to do them right that moment.
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  #13  
Old 11-09-2015, 04:42 PM
rockscan rockscan is offline
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I should have also mentioned that focus should also be on facilitating the relationship. Do a canlii search on that term "facilitate relationship" or "facilitate access". The custodial parent is obligated to do this and if you can prove (key word!!) that your ex isnt doing this, it will help in your argument of interference or denial of access. Facilitating is making sure kid spends time with you. Saying he gets a choice is BS. There have been countless posts in this forum on this idea of choice. Do they let them choose whether they go to school or not?
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  #14  
Old 11-13-2015, 12:12 PM
YYZDaddy YYZDaddy is offline
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Originally Posted by rockscan View Post
Do they let them choose whether they go to school or not?
Ex has been letting son choose. CAS put an end to that, quickly. In my care this year, he has never been late nor missed a day. In hers, 16 missed days, and a dozen late days. All clearly documented.
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behaviour, hap, high conflict, parental alienation


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