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Parenting Issues This forum is for discussing any of the parenting issues involved in your divorce, including parenting of step-children.

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  #1  
Old 03-27-2014, 05:01 PM
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plainNamedDad44 plainNamedDad44 is offline
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Default Help Please - what do I do with this

Hi all,

Sorry if this is a duplicate thread, I can't find the original.

I had my access call with my daughter. The call was made from the stbx's cell phone. After the call, I get another call from the cell.

This time no one is on the phone but I can here my daughter and stbx discussing the call.

The stbx made several very unkind, disparaging remarks. What was worst about it is that my daughter seems to have taken her side. Mind you she doesn't have much choice right now.

I know that I was not supposed to hear this conversation. But her trashing me to my daughter is also unfair.

Should I report this to anyone ?


Please help.
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  #2  
Old 03-27-2014, 06:07 PM
Berner_Faith Berner_Faith is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by plainNamedDad44 View Post
Hi all,

Sorry if this is a duplicate thread, I can't find the original.

I had my access call with my daughter. The call was made from the stbx's cell phone. After the call, I get another call from the cell.

This time no one is on the phone but I can here my daughter and stbx discussing the call.

The stbx made several very unkind, disparaging remarks. What was worst about it is that my daughter seems to have taken her side. Mind you she doesn't have much choice right now.

I know that I was not supposed to hear this conversation. But her trashing me to my daughter is also unfair.

Should I report this to anyone ?


Please help.
This is very unfortunate, however I don't think there is anyone you can really report this to. Not to mention it will be a he said, she said type of thing. I wouldn't worry too much about your daughter taking your ex's side, she is going to tell your ex what she wants to hear. How old is your daughter? What is your parenting time with your daughter?

Again, I am very sorry you and your daughter have to go through this
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  #3  
Old 03-31-2014, 12:57 AM
Links17 Links17 is offline
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I want you to picture this....

An assault is occurring and you're under siege - there are enemies on all sides and they are starving out, fighting artillery, nerve gassing your civilians and its just not looking great.

You have a few good things going for you.
#1 you have your supply lines that are tunneling tothe cities, they're thin but you are getting the basics to survive

#2 You have a special forces to team that every once in a while can conduct an extremely effective sortie doing damage to the enemy.

___________________

Your Ex is the enemy - leave all the "be friends with you ex" bruhaha for the normal people. She wants to destroy you so whether you want a war or not you have it and she doesn't just want conquer, its is rape, pillage and raze my friend..... this is your last stand my friend

She is laying siege to your relationship (the city) with your child through all the tools she has at her disposal, judicial, financial, emotional and more....

Your special forces, is the time you have with your child, the might be less than her time (her larger army) but your special forces are trained, committed and unstoppable - IF YOU USE THEM WELL.

The supply lines are how you nurture that relationship, so focus on keeping it positive and keeping it going by good communication, love and patience and being the best father you can.

KNOW what your enemy's goal is and if you don't want that then fight back.

Finally, keep in mind - you aren't trying to win at all costs - no point sacrificing the city to defeat your enemy.

____________________________

Point is, don't come here whining about your EX's malicious behavior - it is expected (and if you're so naive as not to expect it then you deserve it).

You know your child best, you know yourself best, speak to her at an age appropriate way using the INTELLIGENCE you've gathered. You don't need to reveal what you know but you can try to confirm IF your daughter feels that way or if she was saying it just to please you ex. Depending on the response you can tailor your approach.

Finally, this is a war of attrition - Rome wasn't won in a year....

Good luck soldier, fight for your city it is worth it!
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Old 03-31-2014, 02:47 PM
BitHunter BitHunter is offline
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Long bs. but very true.
I started the war with 6 hour access once a month, now 4 years later I have 5 days every 2 weeks.
Don't forget that it is not your daughter's fault that she takes her mom's side. Just be smarter than your ex and never force your daughter to take any sides.
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  #5  
Old 03-31-2014, 03:55 PM
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This may be a helpful read;

Divorce Poison | Classic Guide to Overcoming Parental Alienation | Dr. Richard Warshak
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  #6  
Old 05-05-2014, 09:46 AM
kidsRworthit kidsRworthit is offline
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Default Second that

Having read it once, and like others am living it, I pulled it out and am re-reading it again.

Unfortunately, my conflict ex continues to stoop to new lows, so I can relate to the (flippant) war analogy. Stratigize for the entire war, not a single battle or two.

"Love your kid(s) more than you hate your ex"... and ensure your choose your battles strategically, and know when to disengage (actions could be interpreted by courts as harming your kid(s)
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