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Divorce & Family Law This forum is for discussing any of the legal issues involved in your divorce.

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  #1  
Old 05-07-2007, 05:17 PM
crispy crispy is offline
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Default possible drug dealing with kids in the house

You can refer to my other threads about my situation. My source has told me today that on March 30, 2007, my ex admitted to her that she gave the new bf $2300 to buy one pound of marijuana with the intention of selling it. My source has told me that she is willing to sign an affidavit regarding this, and since around that date, there has been a safe that appeared in my house. I know that if she is busted, she's in a lot of trouble, because that would be trafficing. I don't know what to do, because this is around my kids, and its driving me nuts. I also spoke to her today and I sent a letter to her lawyer requesting a paternity test on my youngest daughter, because dates line up that she might not even be mine. My ex received the information today, and called me disgusting, and lots of other things. Basically really defensive and attacking me at the same time. She also called me back later in the afternoon regarding my oldest, who is a spitting image of me, and requests a paternity test for her too. That's really wierd that the mother would request a paternity test. She also went to state that since we're not sure if either of them are mine, I'm not allowed to see the kids until we find out the results. What should I do? I'm waiting to hear back for advice as to what to do. Please help.
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Old 05-08-2007, 02:06 PM
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If there is a status quo for visitation, I would maintain that until the test proves otherwise. Also, I would contact the authorities regarding the illegal drugs as this is by no means in the best interests of the children it makes me sick to think a parent would have that in the house!

I know this would mean that the mother would be in trouble but she should know better and you can offer to the courts to take ths children in the interim should the mother not be able to. That way the children can be cared for by a parent and not be placed in another home etc.

This is a tough call, but as far as visitation I would maintain it.
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Old 05-10-2007, 11:24 AM
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fl, I know my rights are with the children until a test proves otherwise. I have a question, am I still obligated to look after the child if it proves that she's not mine? what exactly would be involved if the child isn't mine? Do I possibly have a chance of having sole custody over my daughter that I know 100% is mine? If anyone can answer these questions I would greatly appreciate it. I am going to get the authorities involved today, I'm heading there right after work. What also happens about child support in the interim? She has claimed that she won't let me see the kids right now until we know the results, do I keep insisting? I want to see them right now, even if they aren't mine. I know it's a lot of questions, but I have my path, I'm just making sure I am covered in every direction.
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Old 05-10-2007, 12:49 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by crispy
fl, I know my rights are with the children until a test proves otherwise. I have a question, am I still obligated to look after the child if it proves that she's not mine? what exactly would be involved if the child isn't mine? Do I possibly have a chance of having sole custody over my daughter that I know 100% is mine? If anyone can answer these questions I would greatly appreciate it. I am going to get the authorities involved today, I'm heading there right after work. What also happens about child support in the interim? She has claimed that she won't let me see the kids right now until we know the results, do I keep insisting? I want to see them right now, even if they aren't mine. I know it's a lot of questions, but I have my path, I'm just making sure I am covered in every direction.
You may be required to pay support if this proves that the child(ren) are not yours based on what is termed "Loco-Parentis" Meaning adults in such families who have acted in the role or stead of a parent may have a legal obligation to contribute toward the support of their non-biological children of such blended relationships. Whether a person has stood in loco parentis, or in the place of a parent, is a factual question determined by the courts based on the individual circumstances of such families.

In Chartier v. Chartier, the Supreme Court of Canada stated that "the nature of the relationship" between step-child and step-parent must be determined in light of the particular familial circumstances, to asses whether the step-parent meets the threshold of loco parentis.

Some of the factors the court may take into consideration in determining whether the step-parent meets the threshold of standing in the place of a parent include:

-the duration and nature of the step-parenting relationship
-step-parent's involvement in the child's day-to-day life, discipline, extra-curricular activities, and schooling
-the step- parent's financial contribution to the child
-the child's participation in the step-parents extended family's activities;
-the relationship between the step-child and step-parent after separation.
-how the child referred to the step-parent;
-another biological parent's involvement in the step-child's life;
-any discussion relating to the possible adoption of the child

Where a step-parent is found to have an obligation to pay child support, the amount payable is determined with reference to the Child Support Guidelines. Children may be entitled to full Guideline support from more than one parent. The child support payable by a step-parent will not be reduced on the basis that additional support is received or payable by another parent for the same child.

Where there are multiple support payors, however, special expense claims under section 7 of the Guidelines are properly shared and apportioned, proportionately, between the support recipient and all such payors.

To see Chartier v. Chartier, http://scc.lexum.umontreal.ca/en/199...9rcs1-242.html

Until anything is proven to the contrary you are the parent and the status quo prevails, but careful not to cause a scene, or in any way emotionally harm the children. Because that is all that matters at this point in time, the well being of the children. I hope she allows visitation until the tests are done. Then you both can deal with it accordingly.
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Old 05-10-2007, 02:00 PM
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fl, thank you for the response. I agree with what you said, the only difference is that I have been cast aside and allowed small access to both of my kids, mainly my youngest is only 7 months old and I was kicked out at 4.5 months, so I really haven't been there full time for almost half of her life, as sad as it is. Now, because the bf has moved into my house and I'm not allowed to come around, could he have the same, "loco-parentis"? If he's been around helping with the daily duties and care, he's been involved in her life almost as much as I have. Thank you once again.
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Old 05-11-2007, 08:33 AM
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In light of the fact that the youngest is only 7months old, and out or sight is out of mind at this very tender age. I would suspect that if it turns out that this child is not yours, you would be able to argue and win to not be required to pay CS because you were only in the home and "parent" position for 4.5months. Please keep in mind that you don't want to be out of sight, as at this age the child is forming bonds with the parents. This is a very vulnerable time for babies and I honestly believe they need as much physical contact as possible. They need and crave the physical side of a loving parent, IE the holding, hearing the voices, body massages, and yes even reading stories to get them familiar with the voices of mom and dad. I am of the impression their eye sight is limited in that their peripheral vision and focus is limited thus the need for physical contact.

I would seek access, as it is not the mother's sole right to decide who can and cannot see the children. IE if it is ok for a new BF why is it not ok for you, the father? I would stress the importance of the bonding at this age.

Just keep asking, that was the mistake we made. We asked every week, or other week during the period the ex was denying access, then became dumb and gradually stopped asking. The courts viewed that as the dad no longer having a desire for access, they don’t look at it like a human being punched in the face one too many times, know what I mean? Anyway, keep asking, take what ever she offers no matter how meagre and document all denials and her reasons. Try very hard to do all of this on paper, or via email or recordings, or some why to track her with solid documentation. Have you scheduled the tests?

I gave you a link to a case regarding loco parentis, but there are numerous cases to argue both sides, IE the right of the non-parent to unilaterally decide to withdraw from the roll. If you need them I can post them.
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Old 05-11-2007, 09:56 AM
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thank you fl, I have been asking everyday or everysecond day to see the kids, I asked yesterday, but during the conversation, my recorder ran out of room, so after I get off work today, I have to call her anyways for the arranged pick up of my stuff on monday, and I'm going to ask to see the kids. She did tell me again yesterday that I am not allowed to see them until the paternity tests are done.
I went to the police station yesterday after I got off work, and they told me that because I have no solid proof and just heresay, that they can't do anything but they will start watching the house and my ex and her bf. I also gave a prewarning that my ex is starting to act hostile and I'm scared she's going to try and pull something to get me thrown in jail, and they told me what to do regarding that, witness, etc.
That is a good point for the bonding aspect. I also received some social science papers from LV that states the importance of both parents in the role of raising a child. I definitely have an uphill battle, but since she requested a paternity test on my oldest who looks identical to me, I'm going to be filing for divorce on tuesday of next week based on the grounds of adultery. Wish me luck, I will keep you posted, and thank you once again.
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Old 05-11-2007, 01:15 PM
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well, here we go. I received a letter today from her lawyer. She is stating that I have been making threats towards her, rude comments and I'm not acting reasonably. Thank god I have my recorder to show my tone with her compared to mine. I also have notice today of two more witnesses that'll help me out in any way they can. One is her old best friend from the time that the affair started and was around many times when my ex would show up with my daughter and her current bf. But my ex has taken back the order of the second paternity test unless I pay for it, and I don't want a test on my oldest, because she's pretty much me, but a girl and a lot cuter of course. It's clear from this letter that 99% of what she is telling her lawyer is nothing but lies and I have witnesses and recordings to back it up. I think that this is where it gets messy. wish me luck.
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Old 05-11-2007, 02:06 PM
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need any help just post away.
Best of luck to you, keep the recordings on your computer or CD sounds like you'll need 'em.
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Old 05-12-2007, 09:19 AM
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I have a very important question. Yesterday I posted about getting a letter from her lawyer. Well, after that post, I received the same letter by mail at work and my parents received one at home. That totals 3 letters sent to me. Now the first one, had a cover page on it saying private and confidential, it was received by fax machine to the office here. I work at a chemical plant and am out in the field. Anyone in the office including my boss and plant manager could've read it. Do I have anything to go after this lawyer in the future about breach of confidentiality? I make a good living for the city I live in, and I have a degree that I don't use that I've been told by management that they intend to move me into management once I've established myself and positions become available. What if the wrong person picked it up and looked through it, I could lose the posibility of a hefty promotion in the future.
Not to mention I will be sending a letter to her lawyer instructing them to stop contacting me while at work, as I said I work at a chemical plant, and I work with some lethal chemicals. It's a risk for me to take such phone calls from her or receive letters from him, because it upsets me and I could lose concentration on what I am doing.
It did say on the letter that she is not denying me access to my kids, but is concerned about my ability to parent the children. I have people lined up for affidavits that spent a lot of time with us and me and my children saying on how I am as a father. But I am requesting access, especially since she wrote in the letter that she's not denying. I asked yesterday to see them if I could after I get off work today at 5. She told me that her parents were taking them overnight and had plans. She then told me that she is not comfortable with me seeing them until the paternity tests are done. I got all this on tape, I actually had to dump my recorder on the computer again last night, that makes about 11hrs of conversations now.
I'm not looking to go after her lawyer right now, if I can at all even. I just want to know if I can and how would I have to do it? From the letter, he doesn't seem too bright. I requested a paternity test based on the facts that I found out about her affair, and it dates back to right around the time she got pregnant, we weren't originally going to try for about 7 months from that time and she changed her mind and would not let it go. And low and behold, 3 weeks later, she's pregnant. Then, the baby came 1 month early. She was in the 50th percentile, and spent no time at all in the nicu unit. My oldest was born 6 weeks premature, and you could tell, she was tiny, and had to be in an incubator for 3 weeks. If my memory serves me correctly, she was in the 5th percentile. My youngest was in the room with ex a couple hours after birth. That was just the facts about the baby that I'm going on. I have a witness that is signing an affidavit saying that she intended to break up with me before becoming pregnant, and stated, "I can get a lot money from him for child support" Her bf's name was also mentioned at this time too. Not once in my letter did I state I wanted to get out of child support, I simply stated that I know my wife had an affair, and this concerns me as to the youngest doesn't have any of my features. I will pay for a paternity test, and await your clients cooperation. Their response was, you will still have to pay child support and this tactic won't scare off my client from collecting child support from you.(summary) It didn't once mention anything about the affair, which is why I am concerned.
fl, thanks for you invitation, believe me, I'm writing on here as much as I can without my hands going numb. Got to save some for writing in my book. Thank you and take care.
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