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Mother telling child Dad isn't paying his way

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  • Mother telling child Dad isn't paying his way

    Earlier this year my I was informed that my daughters guide unit will be going to Victoria, BC for 10 days. The cost of this trip is rather expensive and since I have to pay the major partition of it I asked my ex if we could split the cost 50/50. That question alone started a fight with rude and ignorant emails from my ex. I called her up the same day and said I don't want to fight over this and would like our daughter to have this opportunity but I can't afford this so can we please split the cost. I didn't get a no and go F yourself so I assumed we were going to split the cost. Today I get an email asking me for the rest of the money to cover our daughters trip and this goes against what I assumed we made a deal on. I emailed my ex and said that I had paid 50 percent of the trip per our conversation earlier this year. Again, this is causing her to call me at work just to fight and threaten. In between all of this my daughter is texting me telling me that she can hear mom giving me heck about the trip and that mom is telling my daughter that I am lying about the agreement and I am not paying what I am supposed to be paying. I texted my daughter back and said I was sorry that she was in the middle of this and it's not right or fair for her mom to involve her.

    I guess I am just venting but when my ex involves our children in our disagreements it really tick's me off!!

    Isn't this a form of abuse???

  • #2
    Let me give you the quick answer....

    Shut up and pay what you are legally obliged to pay and don't ask your ex to pay more than her legal share. Nobody cares if you can't afford it, just pay it and sell your kidney if you have to. Don't even call her and ask her to pay it....

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    • #3
      If you didn't get a definite yes from your ex about splitting 50/50, I think you can assume that she was expecting the usual S7 split. So you've got three choices: pay the usual split, pay nothing because this trip is more than you can afford, or pay your ex what you can afford and tell her that's the best you can do. There's nothing wrong with not being able to afford a treat or a trip for your daughter - sometimes things are just too expensive.

      I think you handled things with your daughter very well - you're right, this is an adult matter and she shouldn't have to be exposed to it. I also admire that you apologized to her, instead of just saying "it's your mom's fault, she shouldn't be exposing you ...". That's good parenting in my view.

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      • #4
        Originally posted by Links17 View Post
        Let me give you the quick answer....

        Shut up and pay what you are legally obliged to pay and don't ask your ex to pay more than her legal share. Nobody cares if you can't afford it, just pay it and sell your kidney if you have to. Don't even call her and ask her to pay it....
        People like you shouldn't have access to a computer.

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        • #5
          She shouldn't be placing unnecessary stress on the child by involving them. Abuse is a pretty significant term. I'd surely call it irresponsible and a bad choice though.

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          • #6
            Originally posted by wls View Post
            People like you shouldn't have access to a computer.
            Links has just given you the best advise you will ever receive.

            But I can do better. Now you have learned where you stand. Youa have court order pay your % this time. Next time do not pay a dime and recoup your cost. Save yourself, say no before your child is used and hurt by the confusion next time. Do not ask or make deals with the ex, keep it simple, its all businiss. Remember that, and don't be afraid of court orders except for child and spousal.

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            • #7
              She never agreed to it. If she didnt say no or f-off you assumed she will pay? Links17 is right. You are messed up.

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              • #8
                In your own words:"Today I get an email asking me for the rest of the money to cover our daughters trip and this goes against what I assumed we made a deal on."

                It's a mistake to assume anything concerning your Ex. The only deal that you can hope to count on is whatever is court ordered - and even that can be an uphill battle when the Ex is uncooperative. Next time save yourself and your kidlet the aggravation.

                Like my Dad used to say:" Shuddap and just pay your bills, nobody cares".

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                • #9
                  Wow, you people are harsh. As a day 1 member, I better get my thick skin out. I think I'm next. lol

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                  • #10
                    Originally posted by Greg_L View Post
                    Wow, you people are harsh. As a day 1 member, I better get my thick skin out. I think I'm next. lol
                    I used to think so too when I read these kind of posts but what is actually happening is the original poster is being given a Reality Check by the senior members here and a slap upside the head for agreeing to pay but trying to negotiate a lower amount.

                    When dealing with the kind of ex this guy has (same as mine) you either say YES or NO.

                    He knew her track record on these kinds of things and once the split on extraordinary expenses has been agreed to or set by the judge, suck it up and pay your share or say no from the beginning.

                    Get slapped on here and learn something from it or be humiliated and shocked in court by how harshly you are treated there.

                    Take your choice!
                    Last edited by YoungDad23; 08-04-2015, 09:53 PM. Reason: grammar

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                    • #11
                      I'm in exactly the same boat.... but have a final court order to work with.

                      Since the day that order was issued not a word has been spoken between us. I get EVERYTHING in writing. We communicate ONLY by email. And even then she still bends, twists, turns and contradicts herself.

                      My court order says "all s.7 expenses must be agreed to in writing in advance"... if she didn't ask (or I say no).. I don't pay... and it's happened many times.

                      Unfortunate... but it's the only way to preserve some semblance of sanity.

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                      • #12
                        This happens with any unreasonable person. You can have a court order and they wont care. You can demonstrate the law and they wont care. Uncooperative simply dont care. More than that, they WILL drag your name through mud with the kids because its their only recourse. You have to keep reassuring the kids that these things are not their business, that you are paying, that its unfortunate mom/dad has chosen to drag them into it and that it is a discussion you will have with mom.

                        Funny, for a year my partner dealt with the guilt of feeling obligated to pay for everything. When he said no to some ridiculous things he bore the wrath of both kids telling him he wasnt fair. The kids bitched about how their lives sucked and they couldnt afford anything. In the last year hes learned they still do big shopping trips, go away all summer, are enrolled in expensive s7 activities over and over and they have been given expensive gifts for birthdays. They arent suffering and if mom is in debt as a result, its her problem for not saying no.

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                        • #13
                          Originally posted by rockscan View Post
                          This happens with any unreasonable person. You can have a court order and they wont care. You can demonstrate the law and they wont care. Uncooperative simply dont care. More than that, they WILL drag your name through mud with the kids because its their only recourse.
                          ^^^That's a fact! I have a final divorce decree where I made several concessions hoping to finally have some peace, no such luck! Ex disregards half of the court orders ... he simply does as he pleases.

                          I can't afford to take him back to court - even if I did, what use would it do? contempt being practically impossible to pursue, a waste of time and energy. Who wants to spend the next 10 years trying to force an unreasonable person to do the right thing? If Ex had any honor in him, we would still be together?

                          It's one thing to mess my life up but when his selfishness affects our son, that's nothing less than hateful!

                          He don't care ...... he can afford a lawyer.
                          Last edited by Janibel; 08-05-2015, 10:41 AM.

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