Dealing with Exs Boyfriend

[Franklin]

Nobody said teach the kids to oppose their mother. The suggestion was for them to tell her how that makes them feel.

Blink your nitpicking at the wording. Links is simply bringing to light all the dangers the kids will face once they open their mouths to complain or inquire or to give their opinion or to show their confusion or to ?, think about it, how many words do you need me to use. Read between the lines . I think the mother will see that as opposition, OPPOSITION. I,m an adult, I am not afraid to make this position clear. Have you ever seen the face of a scared child, they don,t do opposition well.

Support them, listen to them, teach them, show them they will be ok and so will you. Have them feel safe and watch them become stronger, and watch the others become weaker. Of course if you need to go further you will know it, but be careful, before you know it your in court with allegations of creating trouble, Links is correct, deal with it just the 3 of you

[blinkandimgone]

I hardly think a child saying "mom...when you say things like that it makes me feel...." is anywhere near the same as "Dad says you aren't supposed to..."

Both parents should ALWAYS encourage their kids to speak with the other parent about how they feel when things happen. Always. It isn't opposition.

[Shawkid]

Didn't mean to stir things up! Sorry, I've been offline for a few days due to work.

I've tried to teach the kids to know both sides of every story before you make judgements. It's a work in progress. I Encourage them to talk to me whenever they are troubled. I think they do.
Maybe it's time I encourage them to do the same with her.

I've encouraged them to talk with me whenever they're troubled - about anything. Whether it be issues with their mother, myself, friends, school or even the spider that my daughter saw in her closet a few weeks back that she insists crawls into her bed at night (not surprisingly the most troubling of all for her). We talk it out and I think they usually feel better (except about the spider).

I haven't flat out asked them if they do the same with their mother, I try to avoid asking about her and let them lead on that topic, but knowing my ex wife I have strong doubts that she has the same open communication policy. That's not to say that she would come down on them for talking with her.

As I say, I don't lead conversations into her life, but I was simply thinking that I may encourage them to talk more openly with her on everything. I WOULD NOT say "Tell Mommy you're upset that Boyfriend talks about Daddy " or "Tell Mommy that you're upset that she talks about Daddy". I think we all know that would turn into "Daddy wants us to tell you/Boyfriend not to stop talking about him" which, yes, would lead to a nightmare for the kids.

What I was thinking was simply encouraging them, outside of the context of the slander issue, to share their thoughts (happy or sad) more with their mother. If they talk to me about the slander issue, I wouldn't tell them at that point to talk with their mother. If they talk to me about a trouble at school or another worry, then that's when I would encourage them to share with mommy also. If they can build an open communication with her (and I'm speculating they don't have that based on knowing her and things the kids have said) then I would hope it would help to create a better life for them overall.



Someone mentioned not going through lawyers, I stopped that long ago. I realized it wasn't going to get us anywhere.


I want the kids to be happy. I try my best to be the better person and, more importantly, the best father they could have. If only I could convince my daughter that the spider is gone...