Announcement

Collapse
No announcement yet.

Advice/Help Please

Collapse
This topic is closed.
X
X
 
  • Filter
  • Time
  • Show
Clear All
new posts

  • #16
    I believe it is certainly worth more than just a shot at trying to keep your traditional family together.

    Listen to your inner voice and hopefully you will find peace and happiness.

    Good luck!

    Comment


    • #17
      When people are together, they sometimes bring out the worst in each other. When they are apart for awhile, they return to being the people they were before. Often we then look at our ex's and see the things we were attracted to in the first place. We give it another shot, and again we bring out the worst in each other.

      What I said earlier was based on both of you taking responsibility and growing and changing. You seem to be taking your share, but is your ex? Is he willing to put the effort into himself? Is he willing to let go of the habits and exectations he had before? It has to be both of you or it doesn't work.

      Comment


      • #18
        Originally posted by Mess View Post
        When people are together, they sometimes bring out the worst in each other. When they are apart for awhile, they return to being the people they were before. Often we then look at our ex's and see the things we were attracted to in the first place. We give it another shot, and again we bring out the worst in each other.

        What I said earlier was based on both of you taking responsibility and growing and changing. You seem to be taking your share, but is your ex? Is he willing to put the effort into himself? Is he willing to let go of the habits and exectations he had before? It has to be both of you or it doesn't work.
        Again, I believe he sounded sincere however the only way to find out is to set one another free. I don't want to force him to try, I don't want to force him into anything. I would rather all the courts/lawyers and drama go away and to see from there what happens.

        I will definitely voice that I am open to solving our issues via counselling, in order to aim for reconciliation and leave it at that. If he wants the same thing as he had said, then I mean, there would be nothing stopping him. It would be up to him to start making some changes and to follow through with what he was saying.

        It is tricky because he lives about 1.5 hours away from me. However where there is a will there is a way.

        I do hope he wants to give our daughter a traditional family as well. I do hope he pulls through.

        Comment


        • #19
          sounds like you have decided what you want to do. I really hope that he proves to you that he wants the same.

          good luck to you!

          Comment


          • #20
            Originally posted by nyqa View Post
            Basically, in a nutshell, lawyers, courts and such are involved in arranging access to our daughter. Reason being, HE went this route to apply for sole, because I told him overnights at his place would need to be a gradual transition. He did not like that, she was 9 months old at the time, he thought it was all about control with me.
            Pump milk and provide it to him. This is done all the time and the courts have ordered it. Don't count on the child's age and anything silly like that to not allow a parent to care for their child.

            Unless he is a true danger to the child, your resistance to involve him can and will be used against you in court.

            I know fathers who have gotten 50-50 of children that age before the court. Be very careful on what you do and the restrictions you put on everything.

            Originally posted by nyqa View Post
            First and foremost I want to take the utmost advantage of being back in Toronto and completing my degree while I have the support of my family. I then want to find a job that has an option of working abroad.
            Did you move with consent? Furthermore, taking the child out of the country is going to be even more difficult now. The child has a right to equal access and custody from both parents. You may find your dreams and wishes fall a far second to the needs of your child.

            Originally posted by nyqa View Post
            The second is a lot more daunting -fear of the unknown. How do I overcome this? The loneliness and not being able to share information/experiences about our daughter with him is saddening. I also would like for her to see us together and feel the love from both parents. It's a confusing time, if he claims to love me still, that it became overwhelming for him and ran, should I take this for what it is and move on despite the want for reconciliation?
            "fear of the unknown" - This is a common fear many people have. Better referenced as an "anxiety". You are best to talk to a registered psychologist/psychiatrist about the "fears" you are experiencing. They can cause more challenges than be helpful for you at this time.

            Fear Of The Unknown. How To Get Rid Of Fear Of The Unknown

            http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fear

            It is a common mental health condition and there are many great ways to deal with the "fear" (anxiety) you are experiencing but, the best person to guide you through treatment is a registered physician in mental health. Talk to your family doctor about it and get a referral.

            Good Luck!
            Tayken

            gah.[/QUOTE]

            Comment


            • #21
              Once the drama of courts, lawyers and each family have gotten involved it's extremely rare and difficult to set it aside and reconcile. I've heard of several forum posters here reconciling but in all cases it was short lived and most admitted they regretted it and it made the eventual break up even harder and more messy. I will admit that my own parents DID successfully reconcile after their divorce... 21 years divorced and now they are back together and have been very happy for more than 5 years together. They both went through a tremendous amount in those 21 years and changed a lot... at the time it was NOT an amicable divorce at all.

              Unfortunately for them, my parents reconciled only to have my divorce come into their lives shortly thereafter... can't have been easy for them. It certainly wasn't for me.

              You will need a lot of external help if you want to take a good run at a second chance. It's admirable that you're open to it.

              Comment


              • #22
                Basically, in a nutshell, lawyers, courts and such are involved in arranging access to our daughter. Reason being, HE went this route to apply for sole, because I told him overnights at his place would need to be a gradual transition. He did not like that, she was 9 months old at the time, he thought it was all about control with me.
                I think this is controlling too..so I'd agree with him. However, I don't agree with the extreme action he took to apply for sole...unless there is more to the story than you've indicated in your posting.

                Bottom line, you don't own the child...you aren't the gatekeeper for how and when he sees the child. He has assumed 50/50 custody and you really need to understand that. The best thing for your child is to have a equal relationship with both parents, unless there's reasons why he doesn't want that or is unfit. Otherwise, you need to stop policing his parenting role....its very controlling and its going to come back to bite your in the butt in court if you do split up.

                Best wishes trying to reconcile. That might be the best possible outcome and might allow both of you to re-focus on your marriage. Good luck!

                Comment

                Our Divorce Forums
                Forums dedicated to helping people all across Canada get through the separation and divorce process, with discussions about legal issues, parenting issues, financial issues and more.
                Working...
                X