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I have been served with a custody application need adviice

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  • I have been served with a custody application need adviice

    I have been served with a Form 8:Application General.

    Requesting full custody. I have very little money for lawyers and the separation is pretty recent. We have been apart for 3 weeks and I I am not sure how to proceed. Can anybody provide some advice please?

  • #2
    Self-rep guide

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    • #3
      This should help as it explains each step of the process from the Form 8 Application forward.

      A guide to procedure in family court

      You can download a PDF copy to your computer.

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      • #4
        I have moved out of the apartment (3 weeks ago) and just moved into my own place this weekend. One big question i have is, what my rights to access are from this point on?

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        • #5
          You have equal rights to the children.

          You should also NOT move out away from the children, and move back in immediately.

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          • #6
            The situation is pretty complicated. We are both alcoholics and I am in recovery and she is still drinking, there was a lot of fighting and such. It is a small apartment. My mother in law is there taking care of the kids and I don't feel like it would be in the best interest of the children for us to be together under the same roof. I am very close to where they are and to their school. Does this change things?

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            • #7
              She has claimed emotional abuse in her affidavit as well.

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              • #8
                I understand where you're coming from, get your paperwork in order ASAP and get it in writing that you want minimum 50-50 custody, if not more seeing as you are in treatment and it does not sound like she is.

                It is good she has someone there to help care for the kids, however they are still being exposed to the alcoholism, which is not good.

                Congrats on making the decision to get well!

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                • #9
                  You are entering an alien world. I am serious. Family law is not like any reality that we have experienced before. It's a mess. Crap happens that you will not believe. A system you might initially believe in will likely not serve you well. There are no rules (except in the end you need to be inhumanly calm and persistent and non-critical and child-focused and showig that you are always reasonable and working towards a resolution - not inciting conflict). You will need to gather all your strength, smarts, and self restraint for the next year or 2.

                  So, all that said, I noticed you wrote "What are my rights to the kids". Well, this is part of navigating this new alien world ... start framing EVERYTHING you say and do and think in terms of "the best interests of the children". e.g. "I disagree with you on xxx because it is in the best interests of the children to yyy". I mean, of course that is logically what makes sense... but you will need to be doing this to what seems like an absurd degree. Never say/write/do anything that makes it look like you need control or power, or that something is your right.
                  Last edited by dinkyface; 11-04-2013, 01:01 AM.

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                  • #10
                    Yes I have gotten that from being on this forum for just a week. I really do have the kids best interest in mind, so hopefully that will help when it comes to getting through this.
                    She allowed them to come over to my place for the weekend this weekend and I already noticed what a difference it has been in them from just visits from me for the past 3 weeks (as I was staying in a room till I took possession of my apt Nov 1st). It is certainly in the best interest of the children to continue to see me on a regular basis and stay with me. Is this something I can request or does she have the right to refuse? Her claim of abuse has nothing to do with the children, except for the fact that I yelled and called her a cheater in front of them.

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                    • #11
                      Originally posted by calicodacat View Post
                      Yes I have gotten that from being on this forum for just a week. I really do have the kids best interest in mind, so hopefully that will help when it comes to getting through this.
                      She allowed them to come over to my place for the weekend this weekend and I already noticed what a difference it has been in them from just visits from me for the past 3 weeks (as I was staying in a room till I took possession of my apt Nov 1st). It is certainly in the best interest of the children to continue to see me on a regular basis and stay with me. Is this something I can request or does she have the right to refuse? Her claim of abuse has nothing to do with the children, except for the fact that I yelled and called her a cheater in front of them.
                      not a good move on your part at all. You can bet she will try and use that. I noticed you said the abuse had nothing to do with the kids and you didn't say her. I take it there was some abuse and it was directed at her? Its just that if there was no abuse most people would just say that there was no abuse. I could be wrong and I apologize if I am.

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                      • #12
                        Standing..... there was a lot of fighting coming from both sides. Not really what I'm here to discuss. Just looking for advice on the legal particulars.

                        Oink... that is the common theme I am hearing here. Not sure how that would go over. Do I just walk into the apartment and say I'm staying? Do I advise her I'm coming back. She has already rented another apartment for December first.

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                        • #13
                          I wish I had patented the expression "emotional abuse". I'd be a millionaire by now.

                          I don't think this is relevant to a claim for sole custody unless your ex is setting up the case that the two of you are unable to work together or make decisions together because there's so much anger and emotion. In that case, the best thing you can do is be absolutely the most polite, courteous, co-operative parent imaginable, and avoid any future arguing (especially yelling) in front of the kids. Keep sending her proposals for a 50/50 schedule in writing, and keep following up.

                          I know you're getting conflicting advice about moving back into the residence - but in your situation, where you have one sober alcoholic and another one who's still drinking physically living together in a situation where tensions are very high, the likelihood of you relapsing is also very high. The last thing you want to do is lose your sobriety at this point. I suggest following everyone else's suggestions on how to demonstrate what an involved father you are (and will continue to be), but keep your own place.

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                          • #14
                            I would recommend you email her with a suggested access arrangement that gives you each 50/50. Sounds like there is no matrimonial home so moving back in makes no sense to me. Especially if your apartment is in the same school district or close to the school. If the children are in school then make sure pick ups are at the school or babysitter's to avoid conflict. Be reasonable about the access and give her an opportunity to respond but make it clear that nothing less than 50/50 is in the children's best interest.

                            Then just do it. She is not the gatekeeper of the children. She can call the police but she'd look like an idiot. You need to establish access ASAP.

                            Just my two cents.

                            Also - keep communication via email. DO NOT use text or phone calls. I cannot stress this enough.

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                            • #15
                              Originally posted by calicodacat View Post
                              She has already rented another apartment for December first.
                              Then moving back in will not do you much good - unless you can magically establish a parenting pattern in that time - doesn't seem likely. You cannot move with her when she moves into her new place. So your leverage is gone.

                              You need to file in court YESTERDAY.

                              Comment

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