Announcement

Collapse
No announcement yet.

What are the chances getting a summer schedule changed?

Collapse
This topic is closed.
X
X
 
  • Filter
  • Time
  • Show
Clear All
new posts

  • What are the chances getting a summer schedule changed?

    I'm wondering what you think the chances would be in getting a summer schedule changed.

    Ex and I live 30 minutes apart. Children live with her (7 and 4).
    Ex works full-time Mon-Fri.

    We recently(January) had an amendment done/settled out of court at a 4-way meeting with our lawyers for me to pay proportional babysitting expenses and an increase in child support.

    At the meeting, I asked to have our children during the summer...it was refused to me.

    I get them for 2 weeks in the summer, that is it.

    Our children are not at an actual child care facility. They just go to a lady's house. And no one will give me any real details when I've asked. (I believe they are doing under the table)

    I am wondering what people think my chances would be if I actually took this to court to see if I could get our children for the full summer. As I do not need child care. My girlfriend and I work schedules that allow either one of us to be at home with the children. Clearly being with a parent over a babysitter is in the best interest of our children. (But would a judge view it this way---or will they say because my ex has been putting them in babysitting all this time/it's status quo....that rules)

    Ex has made it clear to me in an e-mail that she is not willing to give me any extra time in the summer. She actually wrote to me "You only get the kids 2 weeks in the summer and your weekends, you will be paying all the babysitting" (She does this babysitting out of spite to me...will try and overcharge me for pd days/holidays/not following right of first refusal)

    Because the kids are not at an actual daycare facility/whatever arrangement she has with the lady who babysits---I do not believe ex pays for days that the kids don't have to be there.

    Everyone tells me that at actual daycare facilities you have to pay for pd days, etc. But this is not the case with my children.

  • #2
    Are you being provided receipts? Ask for them. Make sure they list the dates that the kids were present. They should be signed from the provider. If your ex is not giving them too you, you ask the provider directly. And you should be paying a pro rata share of babysitting, not the full cost.

    Comment


    • #3
      Originally posted by knackered View Post
      I'm wondering what you think the chances would be in getting a summer schedule changed.

      Ex and I live 30 minutes apart. Children live with her (7 and 4).
      Ex works full-time Mon-Fri.

      We recently(January) had an amendment done/settled out of court at a 4-way meeting with our lawyers for me to pay proportional babysitting expenses and an increase in child support.

      At the meeting, I asked to have our children during the summer...it was refused to me.

      I get them for 2 weeks in the summer, that is it.

      Our children are not at an actual child care facility. They just go to a lady's house. And no one will give me any real details when I've asked. (I believe they are doing under the table)

      I am wondering what people think my chances would be if I actually took this to court to see if I could get our children for the full summer. As I do not need child care. My girlfriend and I work schedules that allow either one of us to be at home with the children. Clearly being with a parent over a babysitter is in the best interest of our children. (But would a judge view it this way---or will they say because my ex has been putting them in babysitting all this time/it's status quo....that rules)

      Ex has made it clear to me in an e-mail that she is not willing to give me any extra time in the summer. She actually wrote to me "You only get the kids 2 weeks in the summer and your weekends, you will be paying all the babysitting" (She does this babysitting out of spite to me...will try and overcharge me for pd days/holidays/not following right of first refusal)

      Because the kids are not at an actual daycare facility/whatever arrangement she has with the lady who babysits---I do not believe ex pays for days that the kids don't have to be there.

      Everyone tells me that at actual daycare facilities you have to pay for pd days, etc. But this is not the case with my children.
      first off you should be provided with receipts before you pay anything, Were you not paying the proper CS according to guidelines before?

      Yes it would be better if the kids were being watched by a parent. I would be very careful to use the fact that your gf would also be available to look after them, kinda negates your argument as you gf is not their parent.

      You say you do not believe that the mother pays for the sitter when the kids are not there, then you say later that daycares charge for pd days but this is not the case for your children. Again not clear. Either you have proof or you dont and what you believe isnt proof. Just because you think something doesnt make it so. Her providing receipts will clear this up and you will have proof one way or another.

      Comment


      • #4
        I've wrote the receipt issue here a few times....it is a f#cked situation.
        Our amendment is written vague--and ex is manipulating it to whatever she wants.
        At the 4-way lawyer meeting it was made clear to her that she had to provide me with a monthly child care receipt and then I have 20 days to pay her based on the monthly amount on the receipt.

        This is the way they worded it in the agreement though (vague)

        "Commencing in January of 2012, the parties will share the child care expense proportionately to their incomes. Bob's amount shall be 42.4% and Mary's portion shall be 57.6%. Mary will pay the child care expense and provide Bob with a receipt on a monthly basis. Bob will reimburse her within 20 days upon being advised of the amount owing. The parties will obtain their own separate receipts for the amounts they have each contributed. If Bob does not reimburse Mary within the 20 day period for his portion of the child care expense, Mary will be able to deduct all amounts paid by her and pursue Bob for payment of the arrears in child care.

        So from January--March ex never gave me any receipts. She has simply been e-mailing me weeks/amounts she expects me to pay. (She includes stat days/holidays that she doesn't work, pd days)

        Our kids do not go to an actual child care facility. They are going to a ladie's home--a lady who seems to be chummy/friends with my ex. Ex is not paying for these stat days/holidays that the kids aren't there.

        So I've just been giving ex a cheque for the babysitting expenses....but deduct the stat days/pd days etc. that ex denies me having the kids/chooses to put them in babysitting instead.

        I told Ex in March that she would not be getting anymore cheques until she started providing me with receipts--as I had not received one yet...I was giving her the cheques in good faith of her providing me with a receipt.

        Well she ended up giving me receipts for Jan, Feb and March...but they were just for the amount that I paid her (not the monthly amount from the babysitter that she paid) and they weren't signed by anyone. (I know the ex wrote the receipts--her writing)

        April...she did the same thing....wrote me an e-mail of weeks/amounts she expects me to pay. Gave me no receipt. I still gave her a cheque.

        I keep giving her cheques because I know babysitting is the law....I'm scared if we get to court, because her babysitter and her are chummy/friends together. The babysitter will magically provide her with these monthly receipts that she truly hasn't been giving her right now and I'd owe a shit load of back pay if I just stopped paying her this moment.

        So back to amendment wording "Mary will pay the child care expense and provide bob with a receipt on a monthly basis" (obviously this should be the total amount from the child care provider for the month that she paid---proving kids have been in child care/who cared for them and that she has paid the bill)
        Bob will reimburse her within 20 days upon being advised of the amount owing. (Advised amount owing according to the receipt---since that is the order these two steps are written in) (She is manipulating it because of the vague wording---she will probably say "advised amount owing" is the e-mail I'm sending him)
        The parties will obtain their own separate receipts for the amounts they have each contributed.

        (Who are we obtaining these receipts from???) I asked at the lawyer meeting for me to pay the babysitter directly---ex said "Oh babysitter won't like that" and lawyers let her get away with it.

        Ex says babysitter gives her a receipt once a year. So why can't I wait until the ex receives that receipt at the end of the year and then pay her?

        I sent a letter by registered mail including a receipt book to the babysitter already...told her the situation, asked her to provide me with the monthly receipts. Ex gave me the receipt book back and told me not to get the babysitter involved.

        Comment


        • #5
          I can see the babysitter not liking it because your ex is probably telling her you dont pay and the sitter doesnt want to have to fight to get money owed to her.

          Comment


          • #6
            Oh and back to the pd/stat/holiday issue:

            We have right of first refusal clause.....so makes sense that during school year, while kids are in school, I have to pay babysitting---as them being in school prevents me from getting them.

            But for pd days/holidays, etc that ex chooses to work......She should be making arrangements with me for me to have the kids over the babysitter.

            I always offer to drive and pick the kids up in the morning before she leaves for work. She works 7am-3pm. I work 3pm-11pm.

            So I would be with the kids all day. I leave for work at 2:45pm. My girlfriend would be with the kids from 2:45pm until ex picks the kids up when she's done work. (approx 30 min)

            Ex always refuses this/denies me having the kids because she doesn't want to drive. So then she puts them in babysitting for 8 hours and expects me to pay it.

            At the lawyer meeting she said she didn't want my gf watching the kids/that was the problem.

            But in 2010 ex specifically asked gf to watch the kids while she went to mexico for march break (yah instead of spending time with our kids during march break--she takes off to mexico LOL) (on weekends that the kids are supposed to be with ex---she is giving them to other people--her parents/sister/etc.)

            Even recently now--when I ask for extra time if I ask ex to drive one way...she denies me.

            But if I tell her that I will do all driving/gf will watch the kids on the friday while I work/I'll return kids to school monday morning----ex agrees to it!

            My lawyer had to fight to change my weekend access---Sat---Mon (because my work schedule changed where I had to work fridays/couldn't pick the kids up and ex was refusing to drive them to my house to gf/ just denying me the fridays----I'd end up driving saturday morning sent on a wild goose chase to find where the kids were---usually they'd be at her parents in another town 20 minutes away---so instead of ex driving kids to my house on the fridays she was denying me---she was driving them to another town where her parents live and leaving them there overnight) That's why my lawyer got my normal eow switched Sat-Mon now.

            Comment


            • #7
              And unfortunately because of all the money I have to pay (I know child support/section 7 are for the kids) But there is a lot of money that ex scammed me out of too----She did a FRO scam where she was able to get $4,000 overpayment child support. Her and her family bullied me in to transferring the matrimonial home in to her father's name. (I put 70,000 in to that house and didn't get a cent back!) Ex didn't put a cent in to it and gets it.
              They called the cops/made false police report that I threatened her life. Cops escorted me out of house.
              Ex/her family did this obviously so that I couldn't take any contents/personal belongings out of the house when I was scheduled to move out.
              To this day she has thousands of dollars of my personal belongings.

              So I've never been able to get to a neutral point financially, as they set me up to be way in the negatives......

              I never received any legal advice when I signed that first separation agreement.

              It wasn't until ex wanted babysitting expenses (our separation agreement stated that there were no section 7 expenses currently and when they arose ex was supposed to notify me, provide me with receipt----I told her I wasn't paying her because she hadn't notified me of section 7 or gave me any receipts)
              That's when she got a lawyer and started fighting with no receipts. So I got a lawyer then.

              My lawyer gave me the impression from our consultation that we were going to fight the whole first separation agreement---seeing as I had no legal advice/they bullied me in to signing it. Lawyer was telling me that I should have got equity back from the house. Ex should have had to give me my personal belongings back or money value. Ex should have had to pay me spousal support since she kicked me out when I got laid off from my job.

              But then when I retained lawyer---all that changed and we couldn't go after any of that stuff all of a sudden.

              Lawyer meeting basically just gave ex her child support increase/back pay to 2011. Babysitting expenses/backpay to 2011.
              Changed my eow access so ex couldn't deny me the fridays anymore.
              set out a holiday schedule since ex denied me this past christmas.

              So Lawyer did good for fighting for my access with the kids---that is the most important. But did nothing to help the financial damage she did to me.

              And maybe there is nothing anyone can do about the financial dammage---my fault for letting them bully me in to signing that separation agreement---and I am suffering huge financially from it now.

              It's to the point that I really can't afford the gas to go and get the kids.....my gf will take cash advances off her credit card in order for us to see my kids...it's that bad!

              Comment


              • #8
                When she had me escorted out of the house by the cops for "threatening her life" I had to fight that in court for 3 months to get the charges dropped...thank god they were dropped though!

                There was a time period in there that I was living in my car/had nowhere to go.

                I told ex this when I was supposed to get the kids for my weekends. Ex's response "Not my problem, it's your weekend with the kids, you have to get them"

                I maxed out my credit cards staying in hotels with the kids on those weekends.

                It is a sick, sick case!!

                I don't understand why at the lawyer meeting I was automatically turned down for having our kids for the summer when they wouldn't need to be put in child care.

                But ex gets them for the summer---puts them in child care daily 8 hours and I have to pay that. Meanwhile I'd be available during my ex's shift minus 15 minutes! (during the travel time of my ex coming to get the kids from my gf---neither my ex or I are available---so what is wrong with my gf watching them for that 30 minutes waiting for ex to drive and get them)

                So frustrating!!!!

                Comment


                • #9
                  Oh before I was out of the house...she was making us do the eow. On my weekend, she would make me and the kids leave---again maxing out my credit card on hotels.

                  During her weekends with the kids she would make me leave.

                  WTF!!!

                  Obviously I was a dumb a$$ for doing it...but in the same respect...easier to leave then have a huge fight in front of the kids...so really I did the smart thing as far as the kids were concerned.

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Um, she can't 'make' you do anything. She can make things uncomfortable for you to push you into choosing to do so, however she can't force you to. If you allowed that to happen you need to take accountability for your role in the situation being what it is now.

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      Originally posted by knackered View Post
                      Oh before I was out of the house...she was making us do the eow. On my weekend, she would make me and the kids leave---again maxing out my credit card on hotels.

                      During her weekends with the kids she would make me leave.

                      WTF!!!

                      Obviously I was a dumb a$$ for doing it...but in the same respect...easier to leave then have a huge fight in front of the kids...so really I did the smart thing as far as the kids were concerned.
                      too bad you were not on this site then, I bet people would have told you to make her leave the place on the weekends that it was "her" weekend with the kids and leave you alone in the house for a weekend.

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        Oh I know....I wish I knew about this site back then/actually had some advice/support from people.

                        I was so distraught at that time in what was going on and unfortunately did not have advice/support from anyone regarding the situation.

                        I know me allowing myself to get bullied in to signing that agreement was the biggest mistake I made, and I'll pay for it the rest of my life!

                        But that's why now today being how bad I've damaged my financial situation by letting her do everything she did.....why I need any help/advice on dealing with her.

                        Claiming bankruptcy won't help because I still have to pay her (and I know currently child support/babysitting is for the kids) I am paying it/struggling as bad as I am......just sux because I can never get to a neutral financial situation at this point with the situation/what I have to give her.

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          Stop paying the babysitting without proper receipts. It's nice that she's giving you the amounts in advance, but instead of paying her these random amounts and never getting an official receipt, set the money aside so you have it available for later. Stop paying without an official receipt. I believe we have advised this before! You need to start being more assertive with your ex, or she's just going to keep walking all over you and get even worse.

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            If the receipt is not from the babysitter, don't pay it. The ex pays the sitter and gets a receipt. The ex then provides you a copy of the receipt she was given and you pay your proportional share. (Dude...seriously you know approx how much per day this one charges, bank your share of the cost. That way if the ex tries to pull you to court, you can show, via your email requests and the bank deposits, that you are not simply avoiding paying, you are waiting on the ex to provide the required documentation)

                            And for the love of all that is good and holy, start managing your lawyer. Book a meeting, sit down with him and set your expectations (re: equalization from the mat home, pressure to sign the initial SA/etc. Proper receipts FROM the daycare provider or you pay directly/etc.).

                            If he can't commit, fire his ass and find a new lawyer that can/will go to bat for you. But stop letting your ex walk all over you. Grow a set and stand up for yourself.

                            You should be getting half the summer. 2 weeks in July, 2 weeks in August. Even MY ex gets that, and you merely need to read my prior posts to see how screwy SHE is.

                            Comment

                            Our Divorce Forums
                            Forums dedicated to helping people all across Canada get through the separation and divorce process, with discussions about legal issues, parenting issues, financial issues and more.
                            Working...
                            X