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  • child support and child visitation

    Hi guys,

    I just wanted to know would the child support for this year be based on ex's last year's income or average of last three years income? Also my ex assaulted me so according to his bail conditions he cannot have a direct or indirect contact with me.I don't want to get involved in exchange either but he only wants exchange through me. he is not agreeing to third party and told the judge he wants to exchange children at police station. I don't want to exchange children at police station since my 5 year old gets anxiety when he sees a police( because of all the abuse he saw and the involvement of the police with the family. He always asks me if the police would take me away too just like they took daddy. Sadly when ex's laywer talked about the exchange at police station during motion we weren't prepared and told the judge that we don't have prove of child's disturbances because of issue of child exchange at police station was never disscused?

    Did anyone experience the same thing if so what was the judge decision?

    Thanks in advance

  • #2
    He can't force you to be the one present at exchanges. Use a supervised access centre or have a friend or family member do the exchange for you. What's he going to do, refuse to take the kid because you are not the one dropping him off?

    Seriously, supervised access centre us the way to go. Little to no contact, no police and hopefully no issues.

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    • #3
      That's the thing he takes the children but refuses to return them...last time I had to call police and as soon as I did than he returned the children to my sister. He does not want to deal with my family his friends don't want to help him. The judge don't agree for access center because there is huge Waite and the hours are good. But I really don't want to put child through this tough time again ( meaning exchange at police station) but know don't know what the judge decisions might be. Or how can I show the judge how my child feels in case I have to appeal the decision. Since my son is only 5years old.

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      • #4
        Tim Hortons?

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        • #5
          I personally dontbwant to get involve because of his abusive behavior. Cause when he hit me children were present and witnessed the whole think

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          • #6
            Your kidlett should be starting school this year no? Why not have the pick ups & drop offs done there. It's a safe place, plenty of witness' and will make things so much easier for all of you.

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            • #7
              My son is but not my daughter she just turned 2.

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              • #8
                Originally posted by Janibel View Post
                Your kidlett should be starting school this year no? Why not have the pick ups & drop offs done there. It's a safe place, plenty of witness' and will make things so much easier for all of you.
                One who is ending their parenting time drops off in the morning. The parent whose parenting time is beginning, picks up the child at the end of the school day. Problem solved (one school starts).

                For now, you will have to deal with whatever the judge orders. Even if you appeal, you are still bound by the order until it is changed. In order to appeal you would need to find an error in law in the judgment. And not to be rude, but your child's feelings are not an error in law.

                The judge may order the police station, or they may simply say that either parent may have a representative act in their place during exchanges.

                IMO you both are being unreasonable. If it is at the police station the child will adjust, that is what kids do. And you don't need to be there, you can send any adult you reasonably believe is responsible enough to handle the exchange.

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                • #9
                  Originally posted by freespirit View Post
                  My son is but not my daughter she just turned 2.
                  Surely you could make arrangements for the 2 year old, some schools have day care services for just such situations. Might be worth looking into.

                  I agree - a police station is probably the worst place possible for exchanges. How about at one of the grand-parent's homes. Anywhere that the kidletts feel safe and EX and you are both welcome.

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                  • #10
                    I m trying everything I possibly can. I just don't understand y he want only me to get involved its concerning to me. I mean Why me. We have mutual friends there is my family then his family. But he wants only me. I have put numerous possibilities in front of him

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                    • #11
                      Originally posted by freespirit View Post
                      I m trying everything I possibly can. I just don't understand y he want only me to get involved its concerning to me. I mean Why me. We have mutual friends there is my family then his family. But he wants only me. I have put numerous possibilities in front of him
                      Who gives a flying #$@## what he wants, the point is finding a white flag zone that is safe and practical for BOTH of you .... geeze.

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                      • #12
                        Speaking as a man who went through divorce, I may (maybe) have an insight for you.

                        He may want only the two of you involved in the custody exchanges because it is YOUR divorce, not your friends or families.

                        I used to get very upset because my ex would involve everyone else in the trash of the divorce rather than dealing with the situation she had created herself. Every e-mail, phone message and exchange was put through people in her family, involving them in crap that is NOT their business.

                        If you want to divorce, then it is your responsibility for the custody exchanges.

                        I realize it's hard emotionally, it's still hard for me to pick up/drop off my son even after several years divorced. But it's your situation to deal with. I don't believe he's going to assault you at the police station or anywhere else after being through "the system".

                        Anyways, it's just a possible reason for his actions, based on my experiences.

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                        • #13
                          Unless he was beating you on a regular basis and/or you fear abuse now which is not what I ascertained from the language you used - I think you are making problems for nothing.

                          Somewhere public like Tim Hortons is fine, he can even be there first. You can drive their, your kid gets out goes to him and you leave without getting out of your car. Even stipulate that as a condition.

                          If you want a solution there are plenty, if you don't then you can shoot down every idea for whatever minor reason X.

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                          • #14
                            Originally posted by Links17 View Post
                            Unless he was beating you on a regular basis and/or you fear abuse now which is not what I ascertained from the language you used - I think you are making problems for nothing.

                            Somewhere public like Tim Hortons is fine, he can even be there first. You can drive their, your kid gets out goes to him and you leave without getting out of your car. Even stipulate that as a condition.

                            If you want a solution there are plenty, if you don't then you can shoot down every idea for whatever minor reason X.
                            I buy stuff off craigslist, and I usually meet at a Tim Hortons. You show up and get a coffee and if the person you are meeting isn't on time, you can enjoy your coffee. And its a pretty safe zone, cameras, customers etc.

                            There is no need to talk, you can walk in, say goodbye to your child when they can see the ex.

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                            • #15
                              Haha thankuuuu. Exactly he wants to meet children meet them don't involve me...one more thing there are bail condition of no direct or indirect contact from criminal court can a family court judge contradict it

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