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  • #16
    Basically, she wanted to move. I agreed to the move on the basis that the kids remain in school where they are. She is responsible for all transportation to and from school on her days. I am keeping the house so that the kids can remain there.
    Really awesome...I know you made a couple small financial compromises but overall, you really couldn't have ended up with a better deal.

    So happy for you!!!<!-- / message -->

    Comment


    • #17
      Originally posted by Pursuinghappiness View Post
      Big huge congratulations FB!!!

      I'm so looking forward to hearing your posts once she moves out. I know your life is going to change drastically for the better.

      I'm so glad you got primary residency...you probably would have achieved that anyway but it would have been a lot more work. And your children will be sooo much better off for it.

      Now you'll just have to deal with the back and forth between her and her new bf and the relationship with your kids...which should be super fun...LOL!

      By the way, not to throw a wrench into the happy times...but keep diligent at home until she moves out. I know its pretty common for people with her personality type to lament and feel that she might have gotten the "shaft" and ramp up conflict...so it wouldn't be unusual for her to still try to start crap at home until she's gone. Don't relax too much until the last piece of her stuff is out of the house.

      It will be interesting to hear how long her new relationship lasts once she becomes the new guy's problem permanently...LOL.
      Thanks I agree. This is really important. Stay on guard. I'm happy but again I'm not celebrating it could still be a long month or two.

      It was actually kind of funny she was negotiating this guys life without him even being aware of it. I don't think this guy has any idea what she was agreeing too. Is he going to want all her crap in his house lol. Anyway not my problem.

      Comment


      • #18
        Originally posted by Pursuinghappiness View Post
        Really awesome...I know you made a couple small financial compromises but overall, you really couldn't have ended up with a better deal.

        So happy for you!!!<!-- / message -->
        I agree.

        I did very well. Her lawyer slipped up in the meeting and commented that she was not up to date on her legal fees. I don't know why on earth she would have done that. Soon after I asked my lawyer to leave the room. We talked for about 20 minutes. We were so close and I could tell having some CASH right now was a big deal. We had agreed to no spousal but no waiver. So I ended up throwing $3000 in cash for the spousal waiver. That sealed the deal almost instantly. Her lawyer said to her that she could get more in court but it would cost her way more than the difference and she should take the deal. Not sure if the lawyer was thinking...Hey there is the money she owes me but it worked.

        My lawyer told me after the meeting that the main reason men get bad deals is because they want out and leave. He said I know it has not been fun but you got this deal by doing what you did and putting up with it and I can tell you did a lot of research. YOU STAYED IN THE HOUSE and now you are being rewarded.

        Comment


        • #19
          FB, it boggles my mind that any parent would willingly move over an hour away from their children, in the midst of a separation and for the sole sake of a new relationship.

          But her move definitely works to your benefit. Stay safe and solid for the next 2 months!
          Start a discussion, not a fire. Post with kindness.

          Comment


          • #20
            Originally posted by mcdreamy View Post
            FB, it boggles my mind that any parent would willingly move over an hour away from their children, in the midst of a separation and for the sole sake of a new relationship.

            But her move definitely works to your benefit. Stay safe and solid for the next 2 months!
            Right after separation, when finances were really difficult, my ex suggested I move in with my dad, who live 100 kms away. My job is in the opposite direction, and I spend two hours a day with the commute as it . My ex thought this was entirely reasonable. Its amazing how some people think during these conflicts.

            Comment


            • #21
              FB, it boggles my mind that any parent would willingly move over an hour away from their children, in the midst of a separation and for the sole sake of a new relationship.
              I agree...I don't get it either.

              It seemed like right during the messiest part of my divorce...which was getting moved out of the marital home...my kids really, really needed as much stability and regularity as possible. Moving that far away and then moving them into a new bf's home after such a short relationship on my access days would have been unfathomable. The added juggle of him taking on two new kids plus the ones he already has and all of her stuff into his house will be an interesting dynamic.

              You have to wonder where these people's heads are and where their priorities are.

              I hate to say it but I'm betting its a decision that she very well may come to regret. The good news is that they have stability with their dad.

              Comment


              • #22
                Originally posted by mcdreamy View Post
                FB, it boggles my mind that any parent would willingly move over an hour away from their children, in the midst of a separation and for the sole sake of a new relationship.

                But her move definitely works to your benefit. Stay safe and solid for the next 2 months!
                She claims it's only 30 minutes none the less.

                I just hope it's ok for the kids. So far they have been ok with the weekends but the weekdays might be different. I will keep a close eye on them.

                Comment


                • #23
                  I used to sing in a choir in Orangeville, while living in Brampton. Depends of course where you are starting from, I could usually do the trip in 45 minutes. You do have to watch for speed traps.

                  Comment


                  • #24
                    Originally posted by FB_ View Post
                    Here are the terms of our agreement

                    Shared Custody
                    50/50 Access 5-5-2-2
                    Set-off child support of $469.00
                    She moves to Orangeville
                    Pick up and drop offs are to be done at school/daycare
                    I get primary residence for School and children remain in same school
                    I buy her out of the house
                    We each keep our own pension
                    I pay off all joint debt which basically cancels the equalization payment
                    I waive the money she is behind on our joint expenses
                    I waive the equalization payment of $1200.00
                    I pay her a lump sum spousal support payment of $3000.00. (She wanted 17K)
                    So if you add up the non cash amounts the spousal buy out ends up being around $7200. Mid point buy out was $8200.
                    She signs spousal waiver.

                    She moves out either June 1st or June 28th. TBD based on how long all the paperwork etc takes. Status Quo until then.

                    Now lets just hope it can work and this is the end of the drama...
                    That's amazing FB_
                    How does the 5-5-5-2-2 Schedule work? How does that work out logistically with work/school schedules?

                    Comment


                    • #25
                      Originally posted by Pursuinghappiness View Post
                      I agree...I don't get it either.

                      It seemed like right during the messiest part of my divorce...which was getting moved out of the marital home...my kids really, really needed as much stability and regularity as possible. Moving that far away and then moving them into a new bf's home after such a short relationship on my access days would have been unfathomable. The added juggle of him taking on two new kids plus the ones he already has and all of her stuff into his house will be an interesting dynamic.

                      You have to wonder where these people's heads are and where their priorities are.

                      I hate to say it but I'm betting its a decision that she very well may come to regret. The good news is that they have stability with their dad.
                      So, i'm in the midst of trying settle myself with the ex. Part of our agreement (yet to be signed) states the following mobility clause:

                      <style> <!-- /* Font Definitions */ @font-face {font-family:Calibri; panose-1:2 15 5 2 2 2 4 3 2 4; mso-font-charset:0; mso-generic-font-family:auto; mso-font-pitch:variable; mso-font-signature:3 0 0 0 1 0;} @font-face {font-family:Cambria; panose-1:2 4 5 3 5 4 6 3 2 4; mso-font-charset:0; mso-generic-font-family:auto; mso-font-pitch:variable; mso-font-signature:3 0 0 0 1 0;} /* Style Definitions */ p.MsoNormal, li.MsoNormal, div.MsoNormal {mso-style-parent:""; margin:0cm; margin-bottom:.0001pt; mso-pagination:widow-orphan; font-size:12.0pt; font-family:"Times New Roman"; mso-ascii-font-family:Calibri; mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman"; mso-hansi-font-family:Calibri; mso-bidi-font-family:"Times New Roman"; mso-ansi-language:EN-CA;} h1 {mso-style-update:auto; mso-style-link:"Heading 1 Char"; mso-style-next:Normal; margin-top:12.0pt; margin-right:0cm; margin-bottom:3.0pt; margin-left:0cm; mso-pagination:widow-orphan; page-break-after:avoid; mso-outline-level:1; font-size:14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size:16.0pt; font-family:"Times New Roman"; mso-ascii-font-family:Cambria; mso-hansi-font-family:Cambria; text-transform:uppercase; mso-font-kerning:16.0pt; mso-bidi-font-weight:bold;} span.Heading1Char {mso-style-name:"Heading 1 Char"; mso-style-locked:yes; mso-style-link:"Heading 1"; mso-ansi-font-size:14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size:16.0pt; font-family:Cambria; mso-ascii-font-family:Cambria; mso-hansi-font-family:Cambria; text-transform:uppercase; mso-font-kerning:16.0pt; font-weight:bold;} p.InputArea, li.InputArea, div.InputArea {mso-style-name:InputArea; mso-style-parent:""; margin-top:0cm; margin-right:.7pt; margin-bottom:0cm; margin-left:0cm; margin-bottom:.0001pt; text-align:justify; mso-pagination:none; font-size:12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size:10.0pt; font-family:"Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-font-family:"Times New Roman"; mso-ansi-language:EN-CA;} @page Section1 {size:612.0pt 792.0pt; margin:72.0pt 90.0pt 72.0pt 90.0pt; mso-header-margin:36.0pt; mso-footer-margin:36.0pt; mso-paper-source:0;} div.Section1 {page:Section1;} /* List Definitions */ @list l0 {mso-list-id:1410495883; mso-list-type:hybrid; mso-list-template-ids:1333716368 -1437185296 67698713 67698715 67698703 67698713 67698715 67698703 67698713 67698715;} @list l0:level1 {mso-level-suffix:space; mso-level-text:"\[%1\]"; mso-level-tab-stop:none; mso-level-number-position:left; margin-left:18.0pt; text-indent:-18.0pt;} @list l0:level2 {mso-level-number-format:alpha-lower; mso-level-tab-stop:54.0pt; mso-level-number-position:left; margin-left:54.0pt; text-indent:-18.0pt;} @list l0:level3 {mso-level-number-format:roman-lower; mso-level-tab-stop:90.0pt; mso-level-number-position:right; margin-left:90.0pt; text-indent:-9.0pt;} @list l0:level4 {mso-level-tab-stop:126.0pt; mso-level-number-position:left; margin-left:126.0pt; text-indent:-18.0pt;} ol {margin-bottom:0cm;} ul {margin-bottom:0cm;} --> </style> MOBILITY

                      [1] Neither parent shall purchase or rent a new residence for the child outside of the boarders of the City of Brampton, Ontario Canada without 90 days’ prior written notice of his/her intention to do so.

                      "As of this morning she has texted me with the following:
                      Do u want to meet Sunday to review the rev doc? We need to discuss the relocation clause to outside of brampton...I am hoping to move to a better area for the babes...kids in Brampton are not too kind or friendly"

                      Our daughter is 3 years old and won't be in school until Sept 2014. The ex and i both own homes 5 KM apart in Brampton, my family lives very close as well and the current baby sitter is 3KM away. I also have two nieces that are in school and our daughter could attend school with them next year.

                      I don't know as yet when she "hopes" to move, but this is going to be huge point of contention.

                      Unfortunately, she currently has a temporary custody with a similar mobility clause, except its restricted to not moving more than 5KM without 60 days prior notice.


                      Any ideas how to deal/handle this?
                      Last edited by Marcos; 05-02-2013, 12:38 PM. Reason: names spelling

                      Comment


                      • #26
                        Originally posted by Marcos View Post
                        That's amazing FB_
                        How does the 5-5-5-2-2 Schedule work? How does that work out logistically with work/school schedules?
                        She has every Mon - Tues
                        I have every Wed - Thur
                        We alternate Fri - Sat -Sun

                        She drops the kids off at school Tuesday Wednesday and alternating Monday mornings
                        She picked the kids up at school Monday Tuesday and alternating Friday nights

                        I drop the kids off at school Thursday Friday and alternating Monday mornings
                        I pick them up from school Wednesday Thursday and alternating Friday nights.

                        I will continue to work from home Wednesday Fridays.

                        Comment


                        • #27
                          Originally posted by Marcos View Post
                          So, i'm in the midst of trying settle myself with the ex. Part of our agreement (yet to be signed) states the following mobility clause:

                          <style> <!-- /* Font Definitions */ @font-face {font-family:Calibri; panose-1:2 15 5 2 2 2 4 3 2 4; mso-font-charset:0; mso-generic-font-family:auto; mso-font-pitch:variable; mso-font-signature:3 0 0 0 1 0;} @font-face {font-family:Cambria; panose-1:2 4 5 3 5 4 6 3 2 4; mso-font-charset:0; mso-generic-font-family:auto; mso-font-pitch:variable; mso-font-signature:3 0 0 0 1 0;} /* Style Definitions */ p.MsoNormal, li.MsoNormal, div.MsoNormal {mso-style-parent:""; margin:0cm; margin-bottom:.0001pt; mso-pagination:widow-orphan; font-size:12.0pt; font-family:"Times New Roman"; mso-ascii-font-family:Calibri; mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman"; mso-hansi-font-family:Calibri; mso-bidi-font-family:"Times New Roman"; mso-ansi-language:EN-CA;} h1 {mso-style-update:auto; mso-style-link:"Heading 1 Char"; mso-style-next:Normal; margin-top:12.0pt; margin-right:0cm; margin-bottom:3.0pt; margin-left:0cm; mso-pagination:widow-orphan; page-break-after:avoid; mso-outline-level:1; font-size:14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size:16.0pt; font-family:"Times New Roman"; mso-ascii-font-family:Cambria; mso-hansi-font-family:Cambria; text-transform:uppercase; mso-font-kerning:16.0pt; mso-bidi-font-weight:bold;} span.Heading1Char {mso-style-name:"Heading 1 Char"; mso-style-locked:yes; mso-style-link:"Heading 1"; mso-ansi-font-size:14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size:16.0pt; font-family:Cambria; mso-ascii-font-family:Cambria; mso-hansi-font-family:Cambria; text-transform:uppercase; mso-font-kerning:16.0pt; font-weight:bold;} p.InputArea, li.InputArea, div.InputArea {mso-style-name:InputArea; mso-style-parent:""; margin-top:0cm; margin-right:.7pt; margin-bottom:0cm; margin-left:0cm; margin-bottom:.0001pt; text-align:justify; mso-pagination:none; font-size:12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size:10.0pt; font-family:"Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-font-family:"Times New Roman"; mso-ansi-language:EN-CA;} @page Section1 {size:612.0pt 792.0pt; margin:72.0pt 90.0pt 72.0pt 90.0pt; mso-header-margin:36.0pt; mso-footer-margin:36.0pt; mso-paper-source:0;} div.Section1 {page:Section1;} /* List Definitions */ @list l0 {mso-list-id:1410495883; mso-list-type:hybrid; mso-list-template-ids:1333716368 -1437185296 67698713 67698715 67698703 67698713 67698715 67698703 67698713 67698715;} @list l0:level1 {mso-level-suffix:space; mso-level-text:"\[%1\]"; mso-level-tab-stop:none; mso-level-number-position:left; margin-left:18.0pt; text-indent:-18.0pt;} @list l0:level2 {mso-level-number-format:alpha-lower; mso-level-tab-stop:54.0pt; mso-level-number-position:left; margin-left:54.0pt; text-indent:-18.0pt;} @list l0:level3 {mso-level-number-format:roman-lower; mso-level-tab-stop:90.0pt; mso-level-number-position:right; margin-left:90.0pt; text-indent:-9.0pt;} @list l0:level4 {mso-level-tab-stop:126.0pt; mso-level-number-position:left; margin-left:126.0pt; text-indent:-18.0pt;} ol {margin-bottom:0cm;} ul {margin-bottom:0cm;} --> </style> MOBILITY

                          [1] Neither parent shall purchase or rent a new residence for the child outside of the boarders of the City of Brampton, Ontario Canada without 90 days’ prior written notice of his/her intention to do so.

                          "As of this morning she has texted me with the following:
                          Do u want to meet Sunday to review the rev doc? We need to discuss the relocation clause to outside of brampton...I am hoping to move to a better area for the babes...kids in Brampton are not too kind or friendly"

                          Our daughter is 3 years old and won't be in school until Sept 2014. The ex and i both own homes 5 KM apart in Brampton, my family lives very close as well and the current baby sitter is 3KM away. I also have two nieces that are in school and our daughter could attend school with them next year.

                          I don't know as yet when she "hopes" to move, but this is going to be huge point of contention.

                          Unfortunately, she currently has a temporary custody with a similar mobility clause, except its restricted to not moving more than 5KM without 60 days prior notice.


                          Any ideas how to deal/handle this?
                          It really depends on how far she wants to go.

                          Comment


                          • #28
                            Originally posted by oink View Post
                            I am glad to hear there are a few of them out there like that....mine just told me to move out period since the divorce was my idea

                            All I can say is God bless em, life is too short and like you mentioned in your other post, they do see the light at the end of it all, to be nice again
                            Mine moved out temporarily(with the kids), and then screamed and cried for me to leave as soon as possible. It was her idea to separate. I did leave because the kids were with her, and knew they needed stability. But I had a week to find a place to live that I could afford while continuing to pay for the house(she had no income).

                            Comment


                            • #29
                              A couple of the lighter moments in my settlement meeting that I had to smile over.

                              We were talking about rec activities and how she was going to handle them with the move. She started her argument with I'm not paying for any of it anyway so it's up to him. Her lawyer told her that's not an option nor is it in the best interest of the children. She later agreed.

                              stbx got really frustrated when we were talking about communication. She said in front of both lawyers and myself.

                              "I'm sick and tired of all the emails you send me.... So now I just delete them without reading them"

                              Her lawyer's got really frustrated with her and basically explained how a shared custody works and how we need to communicate. She then said that text would be fine. My lawyer disagreed. I will continue only with email.

                              The second point which I would say was the key to a settlement for us anyway.

                              STBX and her lawyer decided to have what should have been a private conversation in front of us. They were discussing money and the offer that we had proposed. Her lawyer basically said that we are so close and they could work out a payment plan to the money stbx owed her lawyer.

                              Shortly after that I asked my lawyer for a private conversation. He was VERY surprised she would say that in front of us. Right then an there we knew the reason she had not responded was money. This is when we decided to re-work our offer to give her $3000 in cash as all of her negotiations were around having actual cash in the settlement. She accepted it and didn't even counter offer.

                              Of course I have to pay for the sep agreement to be drafted but whatever.

                              Comment


                              • #30
                                There are two kinds of people in the world. Those who would take $100k now, and those who would take $10k a year for life.

                                It's hard to get over having to 'bribe' your ex to accept, but better your kids benefiting indirectly than lawyers' kids any further.

                                Comment

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