My 13 year old wants to live with me

[freckles1234]

A bit of a backstory:

My 3 kids lived with me for over a year while their mom couch surfed. I served her paperwork and ended up with 50/50. My son is now 13 and begging me to stay at my house (He has been ever since he stopped living fulltime with me). Well it just got worse and yesterday, he ran away from his mothers. He called me from the No Frills by his house, to come pick him up. I did the responsible thing and drove him back to his mothers who didn't realize he was gone but wanted to loose it on me when she realized I brought him. This is after last weekend, him refusing to get out of the van when I was dropping them off. He actually has more rules at my house than her house so it isn't just him not wanting rules. Obviously, this isn't getting any better but we just finished court a month and a bit ago after a 2 year battle and I don't want to get back into it!

What do I do? Do I let him stay and if so what repercussions could I face? Or do I keep pushing back and make him stay at 50/50?

Thanks.

[arabian]

13 y.o. - perhaps it has something to do with TV/gaming/electronics?

What is the specific reason he doesn't want to stay with her?

[freckles1234]

13 y.o. - perhaps it has something to do with TV/gaming/electronics?

What is the specific reason he doesn't want to stay with her?

He brings all electronics back and forth. He has less tv time at my house than he does at her house.

Long story short his mom treats him like another adult in the house. He makes dinner nightly and cleans up while she sits on her phone (Yes he has chores at my house too), he watches the younger kids 4 days out of the week while mom is out with friends, they don't leave the house, he is ignored (She openly favours my daughter and my other son has some mental health issues so he gets a lot of attention). My 13 year old is also really close with my wife because they have a lot of the same interests. He likes to be active and while my household is very active, the other simply is not.

Mom is the classic lazy welfare for 11 years bum that openly states she only wants the kids because she doesnt want to get a job however I am trying my best not to let my kids see that, but they do.

[trinton]

Smart thing you drove him back home. But you need to figure oit how tonfacilitate what he wants and take him. The courts won't force a teenager to stay with mom if he wants to come and live with you. Get a lawyer and take full custody.

[Links17]

Drove him back home?
You should have kept him and let it go to court.... what a terrible parent.

[freckles1234]

Triton: That's where I am at a loss. We agreed on custody/access in December and Child Support in April. It was a motion to change and I am unable to go back to court for atleast 6 months according to my lawyer. I agreed to 50/50 because I thought that is what is best for my kids and I figured in time he would adjust. That is why I am here trying to figure out what my consequences would be if I just let him stay next time. I also have zero proof of anything except that she only wants the kids for financial reasons, I was lucky enough to be recording the conversation when that was said.

Links: Yes I drove him back to her house. I have no idea what the process is or what the consequences could be so I didn't want to risk it. I also don't want to teach my son that when you have a problem, its ok to just run away. What do you mean let it go to court? She will try for an emergency police enforcement (She has threatened it before because I made her come pick up the kids when her time was starting). Will she have to go through a regular motion? I can't find anything on the subject on canlii.

[paris]

Tell her next time kid calls or shows up you will not return him to her residence if he doesn't want to go. Do you have a police enforcement clause? Let her come and get the kid, or send the police. Let him know you're on his side.

Let him stay with you. Pay your CS as per the agreement. Wait the 6 months and get your status quo then ask for a CS change based on him living with you. Do the custody change at the same time.

[trinton]

hmm.. I'm not sure best course of action. Would need to hear from more senior members.

[Newfie76]

Funny how women continue to claim they are the stronger parent to raise children, yet statistically speaking the majority of childern from broken homes where the mather milks the father for Child and Spousal support, show a very strong spike toward requesting full time with dad in early teen years.

Moms need to realize that their children see how their greed hurts dad finacially and emotionally....Just more evidence that women put money first before their own children....shamefull. In some cases women just do it to get even from what happened within the marrage....also shameful.

People just need to let go...and move on with their lives. Support themselves and create less drama, will equate to children wanting to maintain a 50/50 home.

Note: never bring a child 13 and above to the other home if he is saying he wants to stay with you.

[Berner_Faith]

Funny how women continue to claim they are the stronger parent to raise children, yet statistically speaking the majority of childern from broken homes where the mather milks the father for Child and Spousal support, show a very strong spike toward requesting full time with dad in early teen years.



Moms need to realize that their children see how their greed hurts dad finacially and emotionally....Just more evidence that women put money first before their own children....shamefull. In some cases women just do it to get even from what happened within the marrage....also shameful.



People just need to let go...and move on with their lives. Support themselves and create less drama, will equate to children wanting to maintain a 50/50 home.



Note: never bring a child 13 and above to the other home if he is saying he wants to stay with you.

Umm thy were in a 50-50 situation. It anything at 13 the child should have had more of a say on where he wanted to live. I don't think you can say that teenagers want to live more with their fathers, maybe true in this case and in my husbands case his son is asking to move in with us but there are many children that want to live full time with mom. It certainly is an individual situation and depends on the relationship both parents have with the children


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[paris]

hmm.. I'm not sure best course of action. Would need to hear from more senior members.

Not a senior member, but we had the same situation. His kids 5 and 14 lived with Mom. 14 decided she wanted to live with us. Mom agreed as long as child support didn't change.

He didn't seek to change it. 5 would have suffered greatly if he did.

[freckles1234]

Berner: We have only recently been in a 50/50 situation. When the kids were younger, mom would only let me see them if I came to her house and acted like we were a family. I refused and went to court, she kept delaying and it took 3 years to get a consistent access schedule set up. I was given only every other weekend because I worked and mom was home during the day to care for the kids. In 2014, mom lost her apartment and the kids came to live with me and saw her whenever she came around (she kept welfare, baby bonus and child support during that time). I served her in 2015 for 50/50 after she said she would sign a motion to change on consent and didn't. She took the kids back, claimed I was abusive and hid behind CAS. Finally in December, after fighting to get my time back with my kids, we agreed on 50/50.

Paris: I have offered no financial change to let him come live with me but she flat out refuses saying that I could change my mind and she would get in trouble with welfare/CRA. Child support is minimal compared to what she gets from those agencies. There is zero chance she will willingly let him stay with me.

Newfie: If I keep him next time and she tries to get a police enforcement to get him what are the chances of her bring successful?