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  Ottawa Divorce .com Forums > Main Category > Parenting Issues

Parenting Issues This forum is for discussing any of the parenting issues involved in your divorce, including parenting of step-children.

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  #1  
Old 01-30-2019, 08:28 PM
kate331 kate331 is offline
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Default Single Parenting & Career

I am trying to kick start a career this past year after time off too raise children. I am really struggling juggling having a career, where I can move up the ladder for a better salary to benefit my family vs a job to pay the rent.

Its the time off that's the kicker. Doctor's, Dentist, Therapy, Court, School appointments, OCL, Lawyers, night school (for me) there is only so much that can be booked every other weekend and after hours. Not to mention activities for the kids.

I am grateful, I was able to land a job with a starting salary in the 50,000 range, and will end up capping around $100,000 (hopefully), but getting there juggling 2 kids, I'm finding difficult.

Any advice?
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Old 01-31-2019, 09:30 AM
mom22girls mom22girls is offline
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I think any advice is going to be industry specific.

I work shift work, and therefore work every weekend I don’t have kids, freeing one weekday a week from work. I use that day to get everything done.

Find a doctor/dentist/therapist/lawyer who works late hours and be their last client of the day.

Working full time while being a single parent to a kid with special needs is nearly impossible in my opinion. Human rights code is your friend- you shouldn’t be punished at work for all the appointments.

I wish I had better advice.


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  #3  
Old 01-31-2019, 01:18 PM
kate331 kate331 is offline
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Thanks Mom22girls. Actually my lawyer told me I shouldn't be working a full-time job at this time, but an opportunity came up in my field with advancement opportunities, I felt I had to take it to secure our financial future. On the plus side I am really enjoying it, along with the income.

Although I am not being punished at the moment for time off, I do know I will be passed over as advancement opportunities comes my way. I have already had to drop a mandatory night school class (I was trying to juggle 2) until a future date.
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Old 02-01-2019, 11:53 AM
iona6656 iona6656 is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by kate331 View Post
Thanks Mom22girls. Actually my lawyer told me I shouldn't be working a full-time job at this time, but an opportunity came up in my field with advancement opportunities, I felt I had to take it to secure our financial future. On the plus side I am really enjoying it, along with the income.

Although I am not being punished at the moment for time off, I do know I will be passed over as advancement opportunities comes my way. I have already had to drop a mandatory night school class (I was trying to juggle 2) until a future date.
why would your lawyer tell you that? It doesn't sound like sound advice- for your life or your case.


I hear you on this...my career was advancing well at my old position. I had built up a lot of goodwill. My little has lots of medical issues too that necessitated time off for appointments, the court case- the criminal matters, the accompanying time off work- I was super lucky to have built up a bank of vacation, etc...but I gave that ALLLLL up to move closer to my parents and support system. Ultimately- it's the best thing for my daughter- and she's 100% better off for it- also cause she gets to be closer to her dad.

But I'm struggling at the new job with all the time off. What I've been doing- and I don't know if you have the ability of doing this- is making up for the time missed so that I'm not actually taking days off. I work almost every Saturday or Sunday (depending on what days D2 is with her dad) to make up hours I will miss for appointments.

I think the answer for me- and it's not a nice one- is that you just don't advance at this time...I'd love to apply for a senior solicitor position with a municipality- but right now- I just don't have the time to devote to the job while my daughter is still young. I can wait. What I do instead is try to write and publish articles in my field- and participate in speaking engagements as much as possible.

I remember reading a quote that really resonated with me- it went something along the line of "We expect Women to work as if they don't have children, and parent as if they don't have jobs". I find that very true.

If I have one piece of advice for you as you move up- don't focus on your single mom status. I know that it depends on the industry and there are some truly amazing work places offering a good balance out there...but for the most part- the business world is still not supportive of working moms- and frankly the less people hear about the things that you're going to prioritize above work, the better.
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Old 02-01-2019, 02:41 PM
kate331 kate331 is offline
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Thanks for the heartfelt advice Iona!


Quote:
Originally Posted by iona6656 View Post
why would your lawyer tell you that? It doesn't sound like sound advice- for your life or your case.
Of course she knows more information than I let of here about the children's special needs. A Judge may be concerned the children's needs are not being met by either parent, and that the ever revolving door of caregivers/respite workers are actually doing the "parenting". Some medical & school appointments have been missed or postponed to accommodate my work schedule.

My lawyer told me, that no Judge would fault me for not working full-time under my circumstances. Or in reverse should my ex choose to take on a more active role.

I do find work like my safe space not to mention the salary makes our lives much more comfortable, and benefits the children imo. I also need to think about our future, and my retirement.

I found it really interesting when Tayken mentioned in a thread (sorry cant find it now) that the Equal Shared Parenting Movement was started by the Women's Rights movement to help split child rearing more equally as more women entered the work force.
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Old 02-03-2019, 09:22 AM
Mom2414 Mom2414 is offline
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I am a women with a career and the only way I can handle having a career is through 50/50 shared custody. I have found a career that allows me flexible hours to focus on my children while they are with me and when they are not, I am able to travel and invest more time. My children benefit from a loving and strong relationship with their father. We are able to provide them with lots of time, better quality of life and two co-parents that neither financially struggle nor are resentful of having to exchange child or spousal support. Shared parenting works for us!


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  #7  
Old 02-03-2019, 01:30 PM
kate331 kate331 is offline
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Thanks Mom2414, that what I was thinking. Not to mention it must be nice to have more time to have an adult social life as well.
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