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Parenting Issues This forum is for discussing any of the parenting issues involved in your divorce, including parenting of step-children.

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  #1  
Old 10-26-2018, 02:51 PM
denbigh denbigh is offline
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Default kids events, how do yo handle them?

At kid events, school or sports, etc what happens when you are all there?

Can you act like adults and sit together with polite small talk or not?

My ex likes to avoid me, pretend cant find anywhere to sit and sit apart, sometimes tries to get one of the children to sit with him and completely ignores me and its getting really old and I think is terrible for the kids! I always attempt to make small talk and say hi and by, save a seat (if I knwo will show up). Has not said a complete sentance to me in probably about 15-18 months. I cant even remember. This is all in front of the kids. Sends messages through the kids. Even at kids birthday we all get together just ex myself and kids in a restaurant and ignores me, we cant have any conversation together as a family. It is either between me and kids or him and kids. When I try to engage him and ask a question, ex ignores me or gives a 1 word answer in a grunt at the absolute most. All i nfront of the kids. So do I say something, knowing it is highly unlikley to make any difference? say something to the kids? I mainly just ignore this behavior and pretend it isnt happening, but obviosly our kids notice this, I just hope they dont role model it.

Just wondering how this works out for other families
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Old 10-26-2018, 03:43 PM
rockscan rockscan is offline
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Why worry about him? We went to kids grad and sat on the other side of the room. He got up to take photos and then saw the kids at the reception after. No problems, stress or worry about hurting the others feelings. It was great.
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Old 10-26-2018, 05:35 PM
kate331 kate331 is offline
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We can't do it, we are just not there yet. We have tried, but one of us including his partner ends up giving a dirty look or sly comment. And it makes the kids too uncomfortable. I think its better for our children to know they have 2 separate families that don't do things together for the time being.

Kids are in activities only on my time, and Grandma takes them (I know kinda sad, that we are missing out). They are too little yet, for a major event, like a graduation. Hopefully by then we can be in the same room together.

Denbigh, I take it that your children are older, have you asked them how they feel? Do they want you together for these events? Whats their comfort level?
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Old 10-26-2018, 09:55 PM
mom22girls mom22girls is offline
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Kids events, we both go and pretend that the other isnít there. Itís better than fighting, so itís the best I can do for now.

We celebrate kids birthdays separately, celebrations are frequently moved in my family to accommodate everyone, so the kids donít care too much if we donít celebrate on their actual birthday. They donít mind two celebrations, it makes their birthday like a week long.
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Old 10-27-2018, 09:47 AM
denbigh denbigh is offline
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sounds like it is wishful thinking on my part and most people sit apart.
i just think how terrible it is for the kids to see that theri parents cant even sit together and feel they have to go back and forth at a communty event.
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Old 10-27-2018, 09:53 AM
rockscan rockscan is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by denbigh View Post
sounds like it is wishful thinking on my part and most people sit apart.
i just think how terrible it is for the kids to see that theri parents cant even sit together and feel they have to go back and forth at a communty event.


If we could handle it 25 years ago, I can imagine there are more supports now as there are so many kids of divorce.

In our case we watched our mother and she HATED my father and didnít want him anywhere around us. That led to anxieties for us about our parents rather than the event. ďWhat if your father is there? i donít know what will happen if heís there.Ē It should have been ďif dad shows up then thats great because both of us are there cheering you on!Ē

What you want is noble and maybe one day you will get there but for now as long as he is in the room to support the kids, great job. His responsibility is his own, not yours. Be yourself and worry about your needs. Heís an adult and can figure it out himself. Eventually he will realize that you can still be the parents of a child jointly without being a couple.

P.S. kids go all around at community events with their friends so its not a big deal they go from your circle to dads circle. Stop worrying about it! Kids are resilient and they will remember the animosity before the geography/logistics.
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Old 10-29-2018, 10:23 AM
iona6656 iona6656 is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by rockscan View Post
What you want is noble and maybe one day you will get there but for now as long as he is in the room to support the kids, great job. His responsibility is his own, not yours. Be yourself and worry about your needs. Heís an adult and can figure it out himself. Eventually he will realize that you can still be the parents of a child jointly without being a couple.

P.S. kids go all around at community events with their friends so its not a big deal they go from your circle to dads circle. Stop worrying about it! Kids are resilient and they will remember the animosity before the geography/logistics.
this is just such stellar advice. thank you.
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Old 11-03-2018, 02:09 PM
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paco paco is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by denbigh View Post
sounds like it is wishful thinking on my part and most people sit apart.
i just think how terrible it is for the kids to see that theri parents cant even sit together and feel they have to go back and forth at a communty event.
you are a really good mom, wish all moms would think and care about their children as you do!
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