Hammerdad,
I appreciate your feedback. We have shared parenting (albeit temporary). We have 50-50 and I don't dispute that. I have gone through counselling and continue to do so. Yes, he continues to intimidate me, but I stand up to him now. It's hard, really hard. And yes, I can see a little co-operations starting. But then next time we have to communicate, he reverts back to controlling. Does this sound like he is acting in our child's best interest? By preventing what is best for her?
I can only do so much, try so hard. He however has refused to go to counselling, claims that he suddenly does not have any mental issues (despite 10 years of treatment) and is showing everyone the perfectly cooperative father role. He is a well known Jekyl and Hyde character. Which is what makes it so hard for anyone to believe anything I say happened.
Maybe becasue I am big enough to acknowledge his efforts to be a good dad it seems that there is more potential here for shared parenting than there really is. I will take credit for that, since I am the one who has done everyting I can to make it work. I have bent over backward to design a parenting plan that allows the 50-50 to continue, despite recommendations from lawyers and counsellors. Because I BELEIEVE he deserves his daughter, and she deserves him.
But just because I know he has good intentions and is starting to become a great dad, doesn't mean that I should erase his past behaviour. Some very wise people have told me that a leopard doesn't change their spots. I've done everything I can to limit contact with him to prevent communication over anything but our child, but when we do have to commuicate he starts his manipulation all over again. Should I have to apologise because it still hurts? Should he be able to continue to hurt me (intentionally) just because he has a right as a parent?
I don't have the answers to that. I wish it were as simple as you claim (get over it, get counselling and parenting class). It's not. When one person refuse to move on and move forward (like my ex does) then the other person is left doing what they can to make the best of it. Don't assume that I am not trying my best. I'm only human.
Lost father: I'm sorry that your ex set you up that way. That is not what I am doing. I could have had him charged, but I didn't. I am seeking 50-50 with final decision making when there is no agreement.
FWIW, we have limited contact now, and there is less conflict. I refuse his calls, unless emergency, and there is little written in our communication journal. In time I hope that we can parent together, but right now I don't think its possible.
I appreciate your feedback. We have shared parenting (albeit temporary). We have 50-50 and I don't dispute that. I have gone through counselling and continue to do so. Yes, he continues to intimidate me, but I stand up to him now. It's hard, really hard. And yes, I can see a little co-operations starting. But then next time we have to communicate, he reverts back to controlling. Does this sound like he is acting in our child's best interest? By preventing what is best for her?
I can only do so much, try so hard. He however has refused to go to counselling, claims that he suddenly does not have any mental issues (despite 10 years of treatment) and is showing everyone the perfectly cooperative father role. He is a well known Jekyl and Hyde character. Which is what makes it so hard for anyone to believe anything I say happened.
Maybe becasue I am big enough to acknowledge his efforts to be a good dad it seems that there is more potential here for shared parenting than there really is. I will take credit for that, since I am the one who has done everyting I can to make it work. I have bent over backward to design a parenting plan that allows the 50-50 to continue, despite recommendations from lawyers and counsellors. Because I BELEIEVE he deserves his daughter, and she deserves him.
But just because I know he has good intentions and is starting to become a great dad, doesn't mean that I should erase his past behaviour. Some very wise people have told me that a leopard doesn't change their spots. I've done everything I can to limit contact with him to prevent communication over anything but our child, but when we do have to commuicate he starts his manipulation all over again. Should I have to apologise because it still hurts? Should he be able to continue to hurt me (intentionally) just because he has a right as a parent?
I don't have the answers to that. I wish it were as simple as you claim (get over it, get counselling and parenting class). It's not. When one person refuse to move on and move forward (like my ex does) then the other person is left doing what they can to make the best of it. Don't assume that I am not trying my best. I'm only human.
Lost father: I'm sorry that your ex set you up that way. That is not what I am doing. I could have had him charged, but I didn't. I am seeking 50-50 with final decision making when there is no agreement.
FWIW, we have limited contact now, and there is less conflict. I refuse his calls, unless emergency, and there is little written in our communication journal. In time I hope that we can parent together, but right now I don't think its possible.
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