Announcement

Collapse
No announcement yet.

Between a Rock and a Hard Place.

Collapse
X
 
  • Filter
  • Time
  • Show
Clear All
new posts

  • Between a Rock and a Hard Place.

    I desperately need to pick up the pieces of my new life as a single parent. I need to get back in the work force, but before that need to upgrade a few skills. I should be ready to be fully employable in about 6 months (max). In order to do this I will need daycare which he verbally refuses to pay, saying he cant afford it and doesn't need it.

    A 50/50 access would be the best solution, for my situation. I could concentrate 100% of my focus every other week to upgrading my skills. And of course its better for children to have both parents equally involved.

    Did I did my own grave? Yes somewhat because I was the stay at home parent for the last 7 years. And after he left I was naive and didnt know what "status quo" was until I found this forum. I have the children 90% of the time, for a year now.

    Thats my vent, but I do have 2 question. We were Common Law, never married, so the divorce act doesnt apply? So its my understanding we only have to figure out custody, access & table child support. Spousal support shouldnt be an issue as I am confident, I will be working withing the next 6 months.

    I have read on here, but now cant find it, that 50/50 is legally default? So whats stopping me next time he picks up the kids to say "see you in a week", and hole myself up somewhere to study.

    Hope you dont think I am a "Bad Mom" !

  • #2
    How long have you not worked? 7 years?

    Before you jump back into the fray, I'd suggest you pick up some part-time work even if it is at Tim Hortons. Get used to juggling the kids. You might have friends/family who would pitch in and help with the kids. Sure you might only make minimum wage but it's better than nothing.

    Once you figure out what career you are truly interested in then look into how you are going to pay for school.

    I think you need to start off slow and go from there. Don't overwhelm yourself a/or your children. If kids are used to you being around for the last 7 years then they will need to adapt to mom working.

    You are a smart and loving mom!

    Comment


    • #3
      so your ex doesn't want 50/50?

      Comment


      • #4
        Have been home for 7 years. I already have a Bachelors degree in Science, and a certificate for Medical Billings aka Medical Secretary. So I would like to brush up on codes and volunteer at a Medical Office to get up to speed and obtain some references. At this point I need to go back to school for a brush up, it wouldn't be a full class schedule, just some classes to get me updated and back up to speed. But it would require some daycare.

        Originally posted by arabian View Post
        I think you need to start off slow and go from there. Don't overwhelm yourself a/or your children. If kids are used to you being around for the last 7 years then they will need to adapt to mom working.
        True but its been a year for them to get use to this seperation. Now is the next phase where they need to also get use to having a working Mom.

        Thanks for your kind words!

        Comment


        • #5
          Originally posted by standing on the sidelines View Post
          so your ex doesn't want 50/50?
          No, it's me that wants the 50/50.

          Comment


          • #6
            You wouldn't require school for this. You just need some time applying your trade (work experience). Check with a local university (if there is one within your area) as they usually have very good daycare and will train inhouse. Do you have any relevant work experience?

            Also check out senior residences/organizations - they are always looking for people.

            Comment


            • #7
              I do have past experience, but the new automated patient care has completely changed since I was employed almost 8 years ago, if you count my Maternity Leave. I would feel more confident, taking some courses.

              I am in Toronto so no problem finding Universities/Colleges.

              Comment


              • #8
                Not sure about your field but most employers give on the job training as well.

                A course or two will help along with your past experience to make you stand out from the other applicants.

                If you are on speaking terms have you mentioned, how much more expensive it would be in terms of SS and CS if you can’t work vs daycare to allow you back into the workforce? And how it would be investing in his own financial future?

                A call to a lawyer or a couple searches on google would open his eyes to what ‘expensive’ really means.




                Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

                Comment


                • #9
                  As many have pointed out on other threads—you can’t fix stupid or force a parent to parent their child. If your ex does not want 50/50 then he will have to pay a portion of daycare. Its in the child support guidelines as a section 7 expense.

                  My two cents is you should get a lawyer and start working towards the necessary order to recover the money. You could start by advising the child’s father that you plan to go back to work full time which will require child care. You would like to explore a 50/50 custody regime in the best interest of the child. Should he refuse, you will be moving forward with an order for full table support and daycare costs. Give him a deadline and then file the paperwork. The longer you wait the harder it will be to get back to work.

                  You are to be commended for doing this. Most of the men on this forum have exs who want to sit on their ass with full custody to pad their pockets (if you believe their comments) whereas you want your ex to take an equal parenting role and support the children.

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    I think thats what he is afraid of, he is better off paying table CS with no Daycare. The way I see it, as long as I am home for the kids, I am his free babysitter during his work hours.

                    I did retain a lawyer about a month ago, and it took me longer than I thought to gather all the necessary paperwork. They were filed last week and now the waiting game.

                    I can no longer sit on my ass Ex makes $55,000 a year, no way that can support 2 kids and manage 2 households. It was tough enough when we where together.

                    Its common sense for me, that both parents should be equal in the raising of the children regardless if one stayed home in the early years.

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      You may want to look into daycare subsidies as well. Unfortunately for your ex, children need to be looked after and daycare is much cheaper than spousal support. In the end, his contribution to daycare will probably not be as much as he thinks. The costs to fight it is a waste of money.

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        Originally posted by kate331 View Post
                        I think thats what he is afraid of, he is better off paying table CS with no Daycare. The way I see it, as long as I am home for the kids, I am his free babysitter during his work hours.

                        I did retain a lawyer about a month ago, and it took me longer than I thought to gather all the necessary paperwork. They were filed last week and now the waiting game.

                        I can no longer sit on my ass Ex makes $55,000 a year, no way that can support 2 kids and manage 2 households. It was tough enough when we where together.

                        Its common sense for me, that both parents should be equal in the raising of the children regardless if one stayed home in the early years.
                        He doesn't get a choice if you work or not. You are not together anymore, and he has no say in that sort of decision. Post-separation, all adults should be self-supporting, as much as possible.

                        The way I see it, there are four options here.

                        50-50 time, offset CS, you go back to work and daycare is a s7 expense. Your increased income means CS would be less than table. Maybe you'll even make more than him and he'll be the recipient of the offset, and pay a smaller proportion of daycare.

                        50-50 time, offset table CS, you don't go back to work and daycare is not needed. Your income will be much less, so he'll pay close to table CS, if not entire table CS. He'll also have to pay SS, since he doesn't want you working in this arrangement, which would seem likely to be way more than the s7 he's trying to avoid. As you noted, that's an unsustainable expense.

                        Full access to you, table CS from him, you don't go back to work, daycare is not needed. Not much different than the above scenario except he sees the kids less. It sounds like this is the option he wants, because he thinks it's cheapest? Does he realize this option involves him paying you SS because he won't let you work? That would be much more than a s7 share of daycare.

                        Full access to you, table CS from him, you go back to work, daycare is a s7 expense. He's paying the same CS as above, but now he has a s7 share since daycare is needed, though not that bad because you also have an income and share the expense. And again, he sees the kids less.

                        You need to stress to him that everybody, himself included but particularly the kids, will benefit from you going back to work. Sustaining two households requires two incomes. Does he actually expect you to live off his table CS alone??

                        Do some math. Pretend you get minimum wage if you work, guesstimate daycare costs, and create a chart with all the possible outcomes. Include your CS, his CS, offset, s7 shares, etc, and show him the results for the four scenarios above. Including how little money you'd have in your household if you didn't work, or if he paid you SS.

                        If money is his motivator, whatever gets him on board with the 50-50 idea would be best for the kids. However, is he really deep one of those dads who is not that interested in the kids, and is just using money as an excuse so he doesn't look bad? If so, you may want to approach things differently.

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          Thanks so much for your detail scenarios! Unfortunately since I filed my application communication has broken down between the 2 of us. In the meantime I am hoping he has hired a lawyer, or at least looked up online what the payments should be in all scenarios. Bottom line is I cant afford to stay home anymore, and I am in fact looking forward to re entering the work force even for my own sanity. Having my own salary is going to far exceed any spousal support I could obtain on his salary.

                          He is NOT a bad father, he loves his kids just as much as I do, he is just use to me doing everything child related and quite fine with this status quo. We have been separated for a year now, and he has only once taken the children for a week once so I could travel out of town to say goodbye to an ailing relative. He lasted 3 days before calling in my Mom to take over for the duration of the week.

                          I may be naive but I am hoping after he speaks to a lawyer or even a Judge, or come on here, he will see the benefit of co-parenting and the benefits or sharing equal time and both be financially responsible for the children.

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            You can apply for urgent motion to make him
                            pay spousal support. It should help you to pay for your school.
                            Plus child support, get subsidy for daycare , child benefits.
                            Don't worry Family Responisibily Office will
                            go after your ex and collect the money, if he is not willing to do so.

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              I don't believe that is what she is looking to accomplish at all.

                              Comment

                              Our Divorce Forums
                              Forums dedicated to helping people all across Canada get through the separation and divorce process, with discussions about legal issues, parenting issues, financial issues and more.
                              Working...
                              X