How to Trust Again?

[strotter1006]

Here is my story. I started dating my common-law partner 5 years ago. I already had two children from previous relationship. Three years into our relation my daughter was 4 at the time told one of my family members that my common-law partner was hurting her sexually (not in so many words)

CAS were called and had a whole investigation took place and turned up nothing. I was so mad at my common law partner but I got over it and lost many family and friends over it.

In 2008 my common-law partner and I had a daughter everything was great until July 09 when he was charged with assault. My two older children were present at the time of the assault and CAS were called.

Once again I took my children to the CAS and my daughter (we don't share) told CAS that my common-law partner was sexually hurting her. Then they talked to my son and he said the same thing. He is now charged with Sexually Assault.

I am so mad at my common-law partner I trusted him and he hurt my children and I am scared he will hurt the child we share together and we have another due in Feb.

He kept everything the childrens toys, photos, furniture, babybooks etc. I don't care about the items. It just makes we sick know this guy has all this stuff.

I don't think I'll ever be able to trust anyone again with my children.

I would love to hear from other people who have gone though something like this.

Thanks

[representingself]

Geez....that's terrible!!!

I've never personally been through something like this, but I am very close to people who were victims like you, and like your children.

What is most important is that you try not to blame yourself for what has happened. Sexual predators can be very creative and manipulative... they have to be! They spend YEARS mastering how to hide their deviancy... and how to mentally overpower their victims.

You should definitely seek some counselling to help you through this.... so that you can help yourself, AND be there for your children.. They NEED you DESPERATELY right now.

It is also important for you to try and remain as calm as possible for your lil' bun in the oven.
Try to remember to eat well, and rest, and take care of yourself.

I wouldn't worry too much about him hurting his biological children.... you will have to enforce supervised access, (if any at all). Personally, I'd never allow him anywhere near them.... but that's just me.

If he isn't left alone with them, he can't hurt them.

Remember, child molesters cannot be treated and cannot be healed.... it is an uncontrollable compulsion. They are very dangerous people. Do some research.

Don't ever leave him alone with them again!

I feel terrible for your children

Good Luck