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Divorce & Family Law This forum is for discussing any of the legal issues involved in your divorce.

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  #21  
Old 05-29-2019, 12:02 PM
Mom 2 Two Mom 2 Two is offline
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Originally Posted by iona6656 View Post
Yeah- I'm reading this and thinking - "fuck that noise"....it sounds like you're going ot have to gamble with playing chicken to trial.



What's with his lawyer? Why are they not trying to find more common ground?


Yes exactly Iona. I mean what lawyer would think it’s ok to offer 0$ in arrears when the Op says they owe $4500. ???


She sat in on disclosure. She is a newbie. Called to the bar this past Year. Works under a big name. And my lawyer says she full on admitted she has a problem getting a hold of my ex and getting him to reason with anything. Everything we have requested in letters all ignored. He won’t even confirm his work hours after he reduced his income.

It’s all been his way or nothing to talk about

Also given how bad the OCL report makes him look to allow him to say he will endeavour to get help??

They are also claiming he need to support gf kids. That’s in their brief. And that I should be divulging my partners income??

When he actually filed for undue hardship then I will respond.

How can he be hard up when he purchased a more expensive home all in his name. He proclaims he pay for 75% of the bills.

He put $150 month towards children’s activities. Yet the kids told OCL he does nothing with them. Although they witness her kids packing for many fun things when it’s time to return them to me.

Says out of the blue he now has benefits for the kids which he has never notified me of?

I wonder if he had committed insurance fraud by submitting all the invoices I have sent him for therapy/ dental through his insurance after they have gone through mine?

So I am afraid it will be game of chicken with the judge. I don’t see a judge increasing his time too much more than what I offered. Why now? Why all of a sudden? Why after I brought a motion to change to enforce Sect 7? Why now after the kids told of all the awful neglectful things he had done

Sure if he showed/acted like he cared with actions. Sure he deserves more time and it could increase as they got older. This is no where near the case.



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  #22  
Old 05-29-2019, 12:03 PM
Mom 2 Two Mom 2 Two is offline
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Originally Posted by Selfrepmom View Post
So what actually started these proceedings?



You had a mutually agreed upon, signed-with-lawyers agreement that was filed with the court 5ish years ago that saw you with sole custody? And then ex stopped paying previously mutually agreed expenses and so you filed to enforce s7/CS expenses? Or you also filed for sole custody at this time?



I just really think in this case you can have your cake and eat a bit of it too. Give up joint in return for an order that he does the counselling. My ex is very similar to yours- never showed to any parent/teacher meetings, doctors appointments, refuses extra time etc. Stopped paying CS the same month he bought the gf her rock. I filed for CS, but Gave him joint custody right off the hop, which made him immediately drop some of his other ludicrous requests (50/50 after 3 years status quo). Guess who didn’t bother to show up to the latest dentist appointment? Mr. Newly-Appointed-Joint-Custody-Holder.



Give up joint= get an order for parenting counselling for dad and kids (hello best interest of children!) and save $$$$ (hello again best interests of children!!)


I totally get what your saying. I really do.

And the part about how it started. You are correct. Except I only filed to get his share of expenses he agreed to. Actually I only asked for half. Even though agreement says proportionate.

Say I agree to joint??? I would bet my life on it he still wouldn’t trade off anything. That’s how they work. I agree that the custody part is none issue. Except he doesn’t give an inch. I have given lots. Even in the last hear of litigation. He has had way more access then the agreement states. He has given me nothing in return. No compromise on anything.

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Last edited by Mom 2 Two; 05-29-2019 at 12:07 PM.
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  #23  
Old 05-29-2019, 12:12 PM
gettingexpensive gettingexpensive is offline
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Originally Posted by iona6656 View Post
It's not the case here- with Mom2Two- but in general, I think it's actually a good thing to have the possibility of changing parenting time (custody and access) as children grow older.

Given your back story- I hope that your wife can get the help she needs- and your parents can have their mom in their life in a way that works for them...

I wish it wasn't through a court process- but I think having the ability to look at custody and access would be a good thing at least every 2-3 years.
I fully agree. I'd even like something generic in my agreement, no fixed days because if she's not doing well that day, I don't want the kids visiting her. They come back wrecked and I have to fix the damage. Ideally, I'd like to have a clause that says "no more than 40%" that way I still maintain control for when she goes downhill. It would allow the kids to see their mom a bit more on the weeks she is doing good.

One significant issue is that borderline mothers think that they are the best parent... and don't realize their negative behavior. There's also a book about it..
https://www.amazon.com/Understanding...=UTF8&qid=&sr=
Soooo much manipulation with them. They even manipulate the kids. And forget what they've done the next day so they expect you to forget as well. It's sad.

On the bright side I'm getting old which means that my kids are getting old as well.. in a few years they'll do what they want.
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  #24  
Old 05-29-2019, 12:20 PM
Selfrepmom Selfrepmom is offline
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Originally Posted by Mom 2 Two View Post

Say I agree to joint??? I would bet my life on it he still wouldn’t trade off anything. That’s how they work. I agree that the custody part is none issue. Except he doesn’t give an inch. I have given lots.
That’s the catch. Make the order non-severable. Offer up joint ONLY if he consents to parent/child counselling. If he says no to counselling, you say forget joint. You yourself agree that the custody part is a non issue, so why not hand it over if it means repairing your kids relationship with their dad.

I get the “screw him” attitude, but at this point it isn’t about him. It’s about your kids. Do everything in your power to make sure he can be an active, healthy, and supportive influence in their lives. Then at the end of the day, when they are 16/17/18 and they come to you and say “mom this guy is still a fucking prick”, you wipe your hands clean, knowing that you did everything you could for your kids (not for him, for your kids)
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  #25  
Old 05-29-2019, 12:32 PM
Mom 2 Two Mom 2 Two is offline
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Originally Posted by Selfrepmom View Post
That’s the catch. Make the order non-severable. Offer up joint ONLY if he consents to parent/child counselling. If he says no to counselling, you say forget joint. You yourself agree that the custody part is a non issue, so why not hand it over if it means repairing your kids relationship with their dad.



I get the “screw him” attitude, but at this point it isn’t about him. It’s about your kids. Do everything in your power to make sure he can be an active, healthy, and supportive influence in their lives. Then at the end of the day, when they are 16/17/18 and they come to you and say “mom this guy is still a fucking prick”, you wipe your hands clean, knowing that you did everything you could for your kids (not for him, for your kids)


Some serious things to consider/think about. Thanks.


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