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Domestic Violence Dealing with abuse and violence. Getting support and help.

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  #11  
Old 04-14-2018, 05:14 PM
LeChateau LeChateau is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by rockscan View Post
The police dropped the charges.
He has not been convicted.
The courts dont listen to anything but a conviction.
He is still their father regardless of your marital situation, how you feel or what you think.

When they announce Ontario has the jurisdiction you will have to move back.
I don't accept that.

He's a criminal lawyer who leveraged his relationships after being charged to beat domestic violence charges. That does not mean he wasn't abusive towards us and it certainly does not mean that the videos of him abusing us don't carry any weight in this matter. People beat charges all the time, it does not mean they're innocent.

We are home, we've been here for 8 months. And there has been an acquiescence of time.

I'm going to stop responding to you because you're trying to make this personal and I have no space in my life for your negativity.

Enjoy your day.
  #12  
Old 04-14-2018, 05:14 PM
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arabian arabian is offline
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I believe there are three (3) things to consider:

1. I believe it is significant that your ex took so long to start legal action.
2. It is also significant that he, an officer of the court, lied about serving you.
3. Finally... his actions, if presented properly with corroborating evidence that you say you possess, may reveal a power imbalance. He is a lawyer and uses court resources to further his case?

These should be emphasized, IMO, by competent legal representation. There is case law on CanLii about these matters.

I'm not sure about the "judge's endorsement" that you move back to Ontario. I didn't think a judge could compel anyone to move... just children be returned and one would think it would have a police enforcement clause? It is now 8 months after the fact. This could be a very interesting case.

I'm sure Tayken will have some insight.
  #13  
Old 04-14-2018, 05:28 PM
LeChateau LeChateau is offline
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Thank you for the insight.

I agree that this will be an uphill battle. I certainly would have brought forth a mobility application if I had the foresight/or information at the time, instead of wanting to run away from him... I might have to retain counsel from both sides moving forward. * sighs *


Quote:
Originally Posted by arabian View Post
I believe there are three (3) things to consider:

1. I believe it is significant that your ex-took so long to start legal action.
2. It is also significant that he, an officer of the court, lied about serving you.
3. Finally... his actions, if presented properly with corroborating evidence that you say you possess, may reveal a power imbalance. He is a lawyer and uses court resources to further his case?

These should be emphasized, IMO, by competent legal representation. There is case law on CanLii about these matters.

I'm not sure about the "judge's endorsement" that you move back to Ontario. I didn't think a judge could compel anyone to move... just children be returned and one would think it would have a police enforcement clause? It is now 8 months after the fact. This could be a very interesting case.

I'm sure Tayken will have some insight.
  #14  
Old 04-14-2018, 06:31 PM
Berner_Faith Berner_Faith is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by LeChateau View Post
Thank you for the insight.



I agree that this will be an uphill battle. I certainly would have brought forth a mobility application if I had the foresight/or information at the time, instead of wanting to run away from him... I might have to retain counsel from both sides moving forward. * sighs *


How old are your children? They have been there 8 months but how long were they in Ontario?

Iím sorry for what you have had to go through but you did abduct your children and moved them out of their habitual residence. It is very possible your ex was dealing with his criminal case before starting this one as with charges pending he knows he would lose. I would strongly urge you to hire an experienced mobility lawyer if youíre trying to fight your ex who is a lawyer.

The courts donít care what happened between the two of you. Without convictions or cas reports all you have are allegations against him. If you have video evidence of his abuse how was he not convicted?


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  #15  
Old 04-14-2018, 06:55 PM
LeChateau LeChateau is offline
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Thank you, I'll definitely look into retaining a lawyer this week,

Quote:
Originally Posted by Berner_Faith View Post
How old are your children? They have been there 8 months but how long were they in Ontario?

Iím sorry for what you have had to go through but you did abduct your children and moved them out of their habitual residence. It is very possible your ex was dealing with his criminal case before starting this one as with charges pending he knows he would lose. I would strongly urge you to hire an experienced mobility lawyer if youíre trying to fight your ex who is a lawyer.

The courts donít care what happened between the two of you. Without convictions or cas reports all you have are allegations against him. If you have video evidence of his abuse how was he not convicted?


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  #16  
Old 04-14-2018, 06:58 PM
standing on the sidelines standing on the sidelines is offline
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the 5 and a half months you didnt hear from him, did he know where you were or how to contact you?
  #17  
Old 04-14-2018, 07:21 PM
LeChateau LeChateau is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by standing on the sidelines View Post
the 5 and a half months you didnt hear from him, did he know where you were or how to contact you?
Yes, When we left, He sent several text messages demanding that I return his car. Which I already did.

Days later he called crying, begging me not to go to the police and to return home. He said he would go to therapy if I promised to return. He apologized for what "he did" .. Then explained how he felt that he was a victim too. He did not appreciate the fact we would barricade ourselves in the room at night. He promised to return our mattresses, car, house keys, clothing and everything else he's taken from us. I told him I couldn't go back to that but I wanted EVERYONE to get help because this was not healthy for the kids. I made it clear that he would remain in contact with the kids but I could not talk to him unless I had a lawyer present. He said he would retain the lawyer and the lawyer would "help us both". I said no, I needed my own lawyer. He said he did not want to go to court or have lawyers involved.

I let him speak to the kids that night as well. He asked them if he still wants to speak to him, the youngest who's a little more direct, said not really. He yelled at her and hung up on her. (Both of these conversations were recorded, I did not trust him)


We heard from him a 2 weeks later and only again on December 26.

In between that, I did not receive any further calls from him.

Now, the kids have been calling several times a week for the past few weeks, leaving messages and refuses to answer.
  #18  
Old 04-15-2018, 10:32 AM
rockscan rockscan is offline
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You donít have to respond to me. Im saying what I am to point out the inconsistencies in your statements and responding to your request for ďthoughtsĒ. Plus, I donít want someone months from now finding this thread and thinking its ok to take off.

There are a few male posters on this thread who had their children taken from them with ample accusations of abuse and months of trying to find their kids to get through the process. Im sure if your ex came on here he would say you are crazy and made this up and stole the kids. The fact that you took off and didnít tell him where you were speaks volumes. The lack of charges and a conviction speaks even more.

If you went into a shelter Im sure they helped you and were working with you on setting up your life in the childrenís habitual residence and getting your life on track. No shelter would coach a woman to abduct children.

What you did was illegal and if your ex had done it you would demand the book be thrown at him. Claims of abuse or unhappiness mean nothing and you have now ruined things for your children as it is more likely your ex will win full custody.

I dont care what you think of me or my statements. You are a kidnapper who has thwarted the law and process and continue to think you are above it. There are plenty of single mothers who have abuse convictions against their exes, who have been through the painful process and who have been successful. You have now set them back by giving judges and lawyers another statistic to use as evidence of flight risks. Not to mention you may have opened up the shelter you were at, and possibly all shelters, to investigation for what they may be saying to mothers about leaving.

People on this forum gave you advice that was right and true and you ignored it. Now people are giving you further advice you want to ignore. If you are just looking for sympathy for a cause you screwed yourself on then go somewhere else. You are an insult to those of us here who follow the law and do what is expected of us.
  #19  
Old 04-15-2018, 10:50 AM
kate331 kate331 is offline
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Try changing your mindset from victim to survivor. As a victim you ran away from the situation because that what you thought was best at the time. Now think of yourself as a survivor and you know the courts may force you to come back and you need a new game plan, to keep yourself and your children safe. There are safe guards in the system to help you, including supervised visits.

You got out by running away, but now you need to go back a stronger women and clean up the mess because you have children. You will never have to be under the same roof with him, but your children might, so get CAS involved, I am surprised they aren't already. Police and the Women Shelter are mandatory reporters.. I have had an open file with them for a year now, for far less than you have gone through.

You CAN have a peaceful life in Ontario too, I fear now, your life in another Province is not going to be so peaceful anymore, now that he knows where you are and has started litigation in the Ontario Courts., With an ex as a Lawyer and the upper hand in Court because of you abducting the children its going to get a lot worse, You have now put yourself in a position to lose custody of your children. .

You are raising children, teach them to be strong and not put up with abuse, don't teach them to just run. You need to step up and break the cycle. You can do this!!! We will help you!
  #20  
Old 04-15-2018, 11:09 AM
Berner_Faith Berner_Faith is offline
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Have phone calls only started since he started court action? You will not be forced to move back but there is a very strong chance your children will, especially since you have nothing to back up your claims. Iím not saying they didnít happen but in the courts eyes it seems your ex has been cleared of all wrong doings. As Kate said you need a new plan and you really need to think quick about this. If the children are ordered to return to Ontario they will be ordered into their fathers care. You will then have an even more uphill battle. Iím sorry I know this isnít what you want to hear but itís the law. If your ex showed up in your new province and took the children back to Ontario you would be all over that. You have essentially done the same thing. Donít be the victims as Kate stated. Take care of your responsibilities. You are not above the law so you need to work within the law.


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