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  #11  
Old 03-08-2012, 11:28 AM
abaker abaker is offline
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A lot of it is posturing and intimidation and stating opinion as if it's fact. These kinds of people hope you will cower. A lot of it is bluster and bravado that is not matched by anything substantive
  #12  
Old 03-08-2012, 11:58 AM
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I am suspicious of your lawyers comments. There seems to be alot of deflection of blame by lawyers. It seems that she made a pre emptive strike to the other side with her comment. In this way when the bills start escalating we can all blame the other side NOT your friend the lawyer. I could be wrong and you might have a fine lawyer with a human side.
Most couples will have big bills like 25k or 50k with little to nothing accomplished. The system does not work for its customers, it works for the legal proffessionals within. Your families money/equity will deplete quickly while the system takes it away.
Mediation is a far better less costly, less antagonistic solution for all couples trying to get divorced without losing years of your life and your equity. The current system is so overburdened, flawed, money hungry and arrogant that it should be ashamed of what it has done and become.
Collaberative law is also better than the win/lose approach of 2 lawyers battling till the money is gone. If your 2 lawyers are practicing collaberative law that is a good sign. Ask about this option but look into mediation as your best solution.
I have joined a group advocating for families, men and women looking for a better way of dealing with divorce. We are a watchdog group looking at the interworkings of our courts and its results for families.
Look us up on face book or on our web page. Canadian Families for Law Reform.
Good luck and I am glad to see that despite the conflict you are letting your kids see their dad. This is not always the case. I have not had my kids for 7 yrs not because the courts said so but because she has choosen to use them as leaverage. Now they are completely allienated from me due to the isolation and constant broadcasting of negative messages about their dad.
Divorce can get ugly!
  #13  
Old 03-08-2012, 12:19 PM
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I've offered mediation twice to his lawyer. He refused once, then demanded my finacials with the second offer. My lawyer was pushing for mediation as she knows I'm not made of money. She also does a "help" program where you can self represent but she helps at a lower cost doing the paper work. I've researched his lawyer. His specialty is litigation. So I think I might be leaning towards my lawyer being right. Its going to be an up hill battle I'm sure! My lawyer brought up Collaberative and said most of the lawyers in my area do this. His does not! I'm in a small town. Maybe 30 lawyers within a 30km are that practice family law and most do more then just family.

I'll check you out on facebook. Thanks for the help!
  #14  
Old 03-08-2012, 12:23 PM
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Can get ugly? or IS ugly?

Tracey123, i feel your pain on every front. Divorce/custody battles are all consuming and no matter what you do, the stress will cause health issues. The past year of my life has been hell for health issues and until recently, haven't even seen a doctor in 10 years! Now i'm there a few times a month... haha. Hobbies and the gym are good ways to get your mind off things and make you extra tired before bed, so you get a half decent nights sleep. Don't forget that you need to get on with your life too ~ meet new people and HAVE FUN.

As far as your case conference, the whole purpose is for the judge to "scare" you into settling. They'll tell you briefly how they decide, if you went to trial.

I had mine a month ago. The judge said that he doesn't believe in two households during the week because of homework, kids need one desk to do it at. I am in agreement with that, unless the parents can cooperate with regards to homework. The second thing he said to my ex (she moved and is looking for a new job in her small town), was that he strongly suggests she move back, or else she'll be facing me being the primary residence for our children.

Unfortunatly, if you have an ex like mine, it's in one ear and out the other... Long motion, here i come.

Good luck!!!
  #15  
Old 03-08-2012, 12:26 PM
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One more thing - i tried collaborative law. Doesn't matter if his lawyer isn't a collaborative law lawyer, they have an interest in keeping you from going to court. I strongly suggest that if you don't think your ex is the type of person to compromise or agree to anything without being told, then don't waste your time and money. I spent $6500 and 6 months going that route, with not one result. The few things we agreed on (holiday schedule), her new lawyer threw out.

You also can't use your collaborative law lawyer in court. You'd have to find a new one, if no resolution was found.
  #16  
Old 03-08-2012, 03:42 PM
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So you really had nothing settled by your case conference then Clean? My ex isn't going to cooperate with anything unless he has complete control. I think forgoing collaborative is probably for the best. Thanks for the tip Clean. A judge really said the kids need one desk? Get a foldable one, problem solved. I've got some awsome friends who have been dragging me out of the house on my days without the kids. You got to get your own life back every once and awhile.
  #17  
Old 03-08-2012, 03:59 PM
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Only order made was to increase my child support payment relative to the income i've always been claiming, instead of the 2010 tax return (i got a new job). Yay...

The new lawyer (who is also a collaborative law lawyer) said that everything that happened prior to her is history. So much for her "ethics" for progress. So every agreement we had in our 4 way meetings was nul.
  #18  
Old 03-08-2012, 07:07 PM
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OMG so they only addressed child support! That's awful. I don't get any at the moment, but I also don't care. I'd rather have the custody settled.

So you make progress then it's just gone? Yeah, I think I'll skip collaborative for sure. That's some great advice.

Thanks
Thanks!
  #19  
Old 03-08-2012, 07:57 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Tracy123 View Post
So my lawyer has just informed me my ex has hired a very high conflict lawyer. (in a round about way of course) She's basically told me this is probably going to take 18 months to settle. Ehhhh court application being filed on Monday. I wanted to wait until after the visit with the kids before the ex get's served. I want to spare the children the drama and at least he'll get 48hrs of cooling off time before he has the kids again. I don't really know what to expect from here. Lawyer mentioned the first case conference we could ask what they think should be decided and use this for negotiations. Anyone ever do this before? Or are two high conflict people just going to keep bleeding me dry? Arf! Family court blows! Not that I've dealt with crimal court either, I'm sure it sucks just as bad!
I highly recommend you start reading William Eddy. Furthermore, you should give copies of Mr. Eddy's books to your solicitor. "High Conflict People in Legal Disputes" is excellent reading.

Negative Advocate Solicitors - Google it. If the solicitor is known by professionals to conduct themselves this way... Be prepared and most importantly BE EDUCATED.

Good Luck!
Tayken
  #20  
Old 03-08-2012, 08:12 PM
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Custody/access temporary orders can't be made in case conferences, unless both parties agree to it...

Don't expect much from a case conf...
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