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  #21  
Old 03-20-2012, 03:13 PM
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Tayken Tayken is offline
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Originally Posted by Pursuinghappiness View Post
CBarker:

I would agree with you, although I appreciate good advice and always take it to heart, I'm also an individual and an adult and am not asking permission for how to feel or live my life these days. I'm perfectly capable and competent to figure these things out on my own.

I am finding my divorce a very empowering and very positive experience...its not a negative thing for me or my family. I see nothing wrong in celebrating the achievment of life milestones. If a tattoo is a symbol that reminds you that you're working towards achieving your life goals, I see nothing wrong in getting one.
Hopefully the "celebration" doesn't involve divorce cake and ranting about the previous partner with your friends.

15 Hilarious Divorce Cakes - Oddee.com (divorce cake, divorce cakes)

There are positive results from any change of life experience. So long as they are not rooted in emotional escape from a past life they can be positive. Wouldn't disagree with this. But, for many people celebrating after divorce (ie. Divorce Party) who are eating, praying and loving without proper self evaluation of the impact, especially those who went through a highly conflicted divorce can often come back at a later time.

Many people celebrate the "escape" from the "bonds of marriage" but, rarely reflect on why the relationship failed or why they even choose to marry someone who they later came to the conclusion couldn't "spend the rest of their life with".

This is most dangerous when children are involved because the left side (emotional) of the brain can hide things for a while in false happiness.

So long as the expression of "happiness" is rooted in something positive and not the negative aspects of the person being left it is more than healthy.

Too many people see divorce as a "new life" but, when kids are involved, it is a new life but, the other parent, who you couldn't get along with and needed to divorce is still around.

(General observations gathered from reading trial records where matters were settled and then returned to court years later and the person claiming to be happy fills the continuing record with all the allegations of the past... again...)

The problem with dealing with a high-conflict individual is that the end is never the end. They are never truly happy with any outcome. They may find "joy" in a small victory but, when they see they lost the "war" they always come back for more.

Divorce shouldn't be bittersweet... It should be an end to the adult relationship. Parental relationships persist well beyond the shadows of the divorce.

Good Luck!
Tayken
  #22  
Old 03-20-2012, 03:28 PM
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...but what is a celebration without cake?!
Cake Wrecks - Home - Ok, You Win. I'll Post the Divorce Cakes.

LOL!! I totally get what you're saying..... and yep, got those covered.... the deep soul searching found the "why" and knowing who I am now, I'm confidently able to move forward... keep in mind.. my stbx and I are the odd ones ;P

Happy 1st Day of Spring
  #23  
Old 03-20-2012, 03:41 PM
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Originally Posted by cbarker78 View Post
...but what is a celebration without cake?!
Cake Wrecks - Home - Ok, You Win. I'll Post the Divorce*Cakes.

LOL!! I totally get what you're saying..... and yep, got those covered.... the deep soul searching found the "why" and knowing who I am now, I'm confidently able to move forward... keep in mind.. my stbx and I are the odd ones ;P

Happy 1st Day of Spring
Actually, you are the "normal ones" as the majority of separations and divorces (90%) don't end up in a nightmare that is often described on this site.

Congratulations! (Honestly) Putting things forward in a positive way from the point of requesting separation and divorce to finalizing it is something that rarely people hear about. More needs to be written about the positive results of divorce... And I am not talking about the poorly written book "The Good Divorce".

Good Luck!
Tayken
  #24  
Old 03-20-2012, 04:27 PM
Pursuinghappiness Pursuinghappiness is offline
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Hopefully the "celebration" doesn't involve divorce cake and ranting about the previous partner with your friends.
I don't rant about my stbx's. I'm very unhappy with the way he's handled the divorce proceedings because he's caused a lot of unnecessary time/expense and said a lot of things in front of the kids that he shouldn't have. I also wished that we could have salvaged a more civil relationship for the sake of our children but I hold out hope that once the divorce is over, that still may happen...since moving out of the marital home, things have gotten better. I attribute a lot of my stbx's behavior on the fact that he's been somewhat gullible and his lawyer saw a chance to escalate conflict and thus get paid.

My relationship ending isn't a triumph...only an admission that I married young to a person who I was never really compatible with. We got what we could out of the union but it was over a long time ago. I'm definitely better off with a different type of partner and hopefully in time, he'll find someone in the same vein. I bear him no ill will. All human beings are searching for fulfillment and happiness and I truly hope he's able to find it.

What is a triumph is the way I feel about my life lately. I have a chance to meet life goals that I couldn't in marriage.

By the way, I didn't see Eat, Pray, Love...not my type of movie. I only watch movies where things are blowing up on the big screen in 3d...preferrably involving brain-eating zombies. I also don't read self-help books, take baths surrounded by candles, or attend poetry readings.

I also understand what you're saying about children but it doesn't apply to my situation. I fully support my stbx's relationship with the children and we seem to be doing pretty well in that regard.

I do appreciate the comments however Tayken..thank you.
  #25  
Old 03-21-2012, 05:47 PM
kitkat kitkat is offline
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Tayken...

Thank you for your comments, you helped clear things up for me as well as gave me some things to discuss with boyfriend...hopefully we can come to some agreement and be able to move on with our lives again. I'm hoping that worst case scenario I can get him to at least go back and talk to his lawyer, hopefully to also downplay someof his fears, as well as to start getting the papers ready to go.

I've read in a few places that he could file for divorce a year from the breakdown of the marriage, that the separation for a year standard is not strictly referring to living separate and apart from one another, that they could continue living under the same roof without legal separation papers because of kids or financial reasons etc. And still be considered separated. My guy lived with his ex for about 4 months after deciding to separate largely due to the kids being young and not wanting rush moving out, and because of finances, he didn't do much but sleep there or hang out with the kids, basically a place to crash...he can include this the one year, yes?
  #26  
Old 03-22-2012, 08:57 AM
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yes.... once you're no longer sharing a bedroom, and have discussed the separation, you are essentially separated.... my STBX and I separated 04/29/11 and I did not move out until the last week of August.... I am filing the divorce paperwork in 39 days ((but hey, who's counting)) LOL
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