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Divorce & Family Law This forum is for discussing any of the legal issues involved in your divorce.

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  #31  
Old 08-11-2014, 06:53 PM
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Janibel Janibel is offline
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Originally Posted by Sadmommy View Post
How can a victim go into court and fight against their abusers. Isn't 16 years of physical and emotional abuse enough now the legal system may allow it?
If it's any consolation I put up with the EX's #### for 27 years. His violence was well documented by police and ER reports and I pressed charges. He was found guilty in criminal court (it took 18 months before passing in front of a judge). Where there any consequences? Sure, he now has a criminal record and I have a restraining order on him for 3 more years .... that's it.

Will this affect the divorce settlement? probably not as we live in a "no fault" country and judges don't care who did what to who or why ... all that matters is the financials. No chance at mediation so obviously the lawyers have us where they want us (in the dark).

Family court is a business-like and cold place to find oneself - you'll get no sympathy and very little in the way of compensation. The courts and lawyers make victims of us all - especially the children.

I keep sane by reminding myself that bad things DO happen to good people and to be focused on the future. "I may not have everything that I want - but I'm blessed to have everything that I need" ...
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  #32  
Old 08-11-2014, 07:03 PM
Sadmommy Sadmommy is offline
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This is so depressing. Thank you for all your advice. I feel sorry for his new gf who thinks he is the best thing that ever happened to her. I used to think that way too until he started throwing me around and it took 16 years to leave him and now I face a downhill road of fighting for some help to take care of our children. Some people's children.....WOW!
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  #33  
Old 08-11-2014, 07:18 PM
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Janibel Janibel is offline
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Originally Posted by Sadmommy View Post
This is so depressing. Thank you for all your advice. I feel sorry for his new gf who thinks he is the best thing that ever happened to her. I used to think that way too until he started throwing me around and it took 16 years to leave him and now I face a downhill road of fighting for some help to take care of our children. Some people's children.....WOW!
Her being on welfare makes her an easy target for creeps. Notice these bastards will always prey on young vulnerable women as independent ones usually know better?

Karma does take care of it eventually .... mine has suffered a second heart-attack, our son wants nothing to do with him. His own family have shunned him and aside from his asinine need for revenge - he has nothing to live for at this point in time.

I used to hate him now I'm at the point where I feel sorry for him. I still have my family, my son respects me, I know who I am and what I need out of life .... (and I'm still battling things in court BTW).

Sixteen years ago, you made a mistake. Though having your kidlets was not. You will always have their love and respect, keep that in mind when the going gets rough.
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  #34  
Old 08-11-2014, 08:55 PM
Sadmommy Sadmommy is offline
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Her being on welfare makes her an easy target for creeps. Notice these bastards will always prey on young vulnerable women as independent ones usually know better?

Karma does take care of it eventually .... mine has suffered a second heart-attack, our son wants nothing to do with him. His own family have shunned him and aside from his asinine need for revenge - he has nothing to live for at this point in time.

I used to hate him now I'm at the point where I feel sorry for him. I still have my family, my son respects me, I know who I am and what I need out of life .... (and I'm still battling things in court BTW).

Sixteen years ago, you made a mistake. Though having your kidlets was not. You will always have their love and respect, keep that in mind when the going gets rough.

Thank you, I always say now I should have run the other way when I met him. It wasn't all bad, there was some good memories. But the day I left this man lost his bloody mind, he stalked me, broke in my house etc. The police took two years to do anything about it, it took him coming at me with a base ball bat for them to arrest this asshole. And because I hit his gf who made a racial slur to me I got arrested too for assault. Its been never ending with these two. He finally found someone as sick as he is. Karma...its taken a toll on him. He has aged so much I hardly recognize him.

He is in his own prison and I feel like walking away and telling him to stick his child support up his ass but in todays society, I need all the help I can get to raise my children. Its his mirror and he has to look at it everyday.
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  #35  
Old 08-11-2014, 09:33 PM
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He is in his own prison and I feel like walking away and telling him to stick his child support up his ass but in todays society, I need all the help I can get to raise my children. Its his mirror and he has to look at it everyday.
True enough, it would be tempting to just walk away and let the jerk ignore the fact that he has children who depend on him. Though CS is every child's right - regardless of what your Ex and his new partner may think.

I hope that you will be getting some good news from the legal aid lawyer. If this does not work out, you could try calling up your local Women's Shelter, they can help you find some FREE legal advice in light of your domestic violence situation. Also they can accompany you in court if you need moral support.

As difficult as all this is, you are fighting for a better life for your kids. Karma is on your side - I'm sure that the judge will refuse your EX's ridiculous demands. They hardly make sense in light of his past earning potential.

Points to keep in mind if you get discouraged:
  • Ex assaulted you
  • you have incriminating emails from EX to show in court
  • new g/f is receiving welfare
  • EX has astounding amount of arrears owed to his children
  • married for 16 years (long term marriage)
  • you have children to raise and need help
  • you are entitled to SS (regardless of amount)

Last edited by Janibel; 08-11-2014 at 09:38 PM. Reason: typo
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  #36  
Old 08-12-2014, 09:39 PM
Serene Serene is offline
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Sadmommy is not emotionally where she should be in my opinion...he has aged...it's his mirror...karma...they deserve each other...STOP worrying about him and take care of your own emotions and behaviours. For god sake's your kids don't have a chance until you tend to your needs, behaviours and actions.

If I sound harsh it is intentional. You choose the behaviours and therefore you choose the consequences. Sounds like you all need a lot of help to get to a better place.
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  #37  
Old 08-14-2014, 11:58 AM
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Sadmommy is not emotionally where she should be in my opinion...he has aged...it's his mirror...karma...they deserve each other...STOP worrying about him and take care of your own emotions and behaviours. For god sake's your kids don't have a chance until you tend to your needs, behaviours and actions.

If I sound harsh it is intentional. You choose the behaviours and therefore you choose the consequences. Sounds like you all need a lot of help to get to a better place.
This type of thinking reminds me of the good old days when police would say to rape victims:" well ... those short skirts you wear - or your 'flirty' behavior is to blame for what happened to you? Honestly Serene? Sadmommy is not emotionally where she should be?

Of course she's not, that's to be expected, who would be when having to raise children with zero financial help from her Ex, after going through years of abuse? Nobody male/female chooses to be abused, bad choice of mates perhaps, but clearly nobody wants to end up raising children alone ....

Slapping the Ex's g/f was wrong and she has admitted to this. Having said that, what does any of this have to do with the arrears in CS that she is trying to obtain for her children?

Sounds more than harsh to me - sounds very self-righteous and judgmental. I don't think it's right to kick a person when they're down.
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  #38  
Old 08-14-2014, 08:03 PM
odinn odinn is offline
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If the income has gone down from $100,000/yr to welfare for no bona fide reason I would be looking at intentional (aka voluntary) underemployment and have income imputed. IMO you need to consult with a lawyer.
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