financially strained

[dinkyface]

Yes, but I'm not sure if I'VE recovered from my horribly abusive ways.

Funny that my ex's prior BF also 'treated her badly'. And none of my partners (current or prior - all good friends) have ever complained of disrespect or abuse.

[wretchedotis]

I see both sides here.

But it is foolish to dismiss such a serious claim out of hand.

We have to hope the persons making such allegations are doing it legitimately.

Unfortunately, I too am jaded to believe it half the time - as I currently face a criminal charge from my ex as she says I threatened her.

So all of us in this postion do the dance and hire yet another lawyer and have one more reason to dislike the ex.

whatever.

[FatherofTwo]

I have to agree with Rioe on this one. Abuse is abuse. It is all about control and as such, he will have as much control of you as he wants by knowing where you are half of your life and also having access to you if he wants. As hard as it is going to be, you have to get your life in order.

Start requesting his financial information in order to determine child support payments and possible spousal support. If you can establish payments from him then you should have a few less financial worries.

[Mess]

I have to agree with Rioe on this one. Abuse is abuse. It is all about control and as such, he will have as much control of you as he wants by knowing where you are half of your life and also having access to you if he wants. As hard as it is going to be, you have to get your life in order.

Start requesting his financial information in order to determine child support payments and possible spousal support. If you can establish payments from him then you should have a few less financial worries.

Unless he has zero access, he will see her several times a week and have just as much opportunity to be abusive with partial custody.

Arrangements can be made where p/u and drops can be made in neutral places, or the parents never see each other because the switch is done at daycare and school. This is equally true with a shared situation as with a limited access situation.

The fact that a couple fights or one party was abusive doesn't directly affect the custody. If a parent was abusive to a child, that affects the custody. Those are two completely separate issues.

The father already has shared custody and any attempt to change this would be a major fight in court that would require factual evidence. The fact that the two don't get along won't be sufficient; that's why they are divorcing, this is true of every couple. Conflit between the parents doesn't decide custody.

She would need to show that the current situation is impossible or bad for the child. Nothing she has written in her description so far indicates that.

I'm not defending his abuse to her, she is leaving the marriage for good reason and needs to set up an access situation where she limits contact with the ex. But doesn't, from her description so far, have a case to have full custody and block him completely out of her life.

[FatherofTwo]

Unless he has zero access, he will see her several times a week and have just as much opportunity to be abusive with partial custody.

Arrangements can be made where p/u and drops can be made in neutral places, or the parents never see each other because the switch is done at daycare and school. This is equally true with a shared situation as with a limited access situation.

The fact that a couple fights or one party was abusive doesn't directly affect the custody. If a parent was abusive to a child, that affects the custody. Those are two completely separate issues.

The father already has shared custody and any attempt to change this would be a major fight in court that would require factual evidence. The fact that the two don't get along won't be sufficient; that's why they are divorcing, this is true of every couple. Conflit between the parents doesn't decide custody.

She would need to show that the current situation is impossible or bad for the child. Nothing she has written in her description so far indicates that.

I'm not defending his abuse to her, she is leaving the marriage for good reason and needs to set up an access situation where she limits contact with the ex. But doesn't, from her description so far, have a case to have full custody and block him completely out of her life.

I am very curious why you quoted my whole reply but are discussing custody for which I didn't bring up in my post.

[dadtotheend]

The most amazing thing about divorce proceedings is that while only 7% of women are reported viticms of abuse, it seems 99% of divorced women with legal representation have "survived" an abusive relationship.

Hmmmmmmmm.