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  • #31
    So presumably your ex is filling your daughter's head with this nonsense ANYTIME child is taken to bus, whether it be on your time or on your ex's time. Yes I would think that you need to have a chat with your ex. I'd express concern and say that counselling to address her separation anxiety, which is now having an impact on daughter, seems to be the logical solution. The only thing I'd be asking your ex about is which counselling service she favors and her availability so you can make the arrangements.

    Edit: Did your ex ever attend those parenting after separation courses?

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    • #32
      I have followed this and have had mixed feelings about how to handle this. In one aspect its a public bus stop and Mom is welcome to come to the bus stop whenever she wants, I don't think that is something Dad can stop, especially since it is near her house. On the other hand, her trying to convince the child not to go to school is not a good thing.

      With all that being said, talking to Mom about it is probably going to cause tension. One thing you have to realize is you cannot always protect your child from the ill intentions of others. Children have to do what they are told, especially when it comes to school. On your time the child goes on the bus and goes to school, end of story. On Mom's time, she is expected to do the same, but if Mom chooses otherwise, it is something you document. This is going to get old and fast. Your daughter is getting older and really doesn't have a choice but to go to school and if Mom keeps making an issue out of it, maybe she shouldn't have weekday access?

      I don't think I would say anything to Mom personally, you know how she will react. Just be firm with your stance that school is important and ever child her age has to go to school. You know when she gets there she enjoys it. Do you have the option of dropping your daughter off at the school?

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      • #33
        What if you showed up on her day? Just pop by and hug and kiss her and tell her how much fun youre going to have etc. See what your ex says and then point out the obvious--respect is a two way street!

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        • #34
          I agree with Rock but the question is...is D5 going to school when she is with mom?

          Like they say a picture is worth a thousand words! And What is good for the goose is good for the gander!

          If ex tell you to stay away on her time then you can make an agreement between you both to agree to do the same for both.

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          • #35
            Originally posted by arabian View Post
            So presumably your ex is filling your daughter's head with this nonsense ANYTIME child is taken to bus, whether it be on your time or on your ex's time. Yes I would think that you need to have a chat with your ex. I'd express concern and say that counselling to address her separation anxiety, which is now having an impact on daughter, seems to be the logical solution. The only thing I'd be asking your ex about is which counselling service she favors and her availability so you can make the arrangements.

            Edit: Did your ex ever attend those parenting after separation courses?
            Counselling would indeed benefit her. But I think that's a pipe dream. My ex still sees it as allowing me time .. not sharing time. She's centred her entire career over this attachment thing.

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            • #36
              Originally posted by rockscan View Post
              What if you showed up on her day? Just pop by and hug and kiss her and tell her how much fun youre going to have etc. See what your ex says and then point out the obvious--respect is a two way street!
              lol .. sh#t would hit the fan.

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              • #37
                Originally posted by good_mom View Post
                I agree with Rock but the question is...is D5 going to school when she is with mom?

                Like they say a picture is worth a thousand words! And What is good for the goose is good for the gander!

                If ex tell you to stay away on her time then you can make an agreement between you both to agree to do the same for both.
                Exactly. I'm desperately trying to avoid anything that will cause any type of conflict. My ex must see that it's affecting D5's transition and mood. If she cares about her best interests hopefully she'll just allow me to have my parenting time.

                Comment


                • #38
                  Wake up LF32!

                  Stop thinking that ex will do what is best for D5, because if she always did that you would not have to be on this site dealing with this and other situations.

                  Sometimes, we have to be firm with our exes and deal with the situation no matter the outcome or sh#t that comes with standing up for what is best for our kids.

                  If a teacher or coach was doing something that was not in D5 best interest would you talk to them?

                  You would say something right, so it should not be any different for the ex.

                  BTW you have a great GF she is child focus by suggesting to move. Best for kids first kind of gal, don't loose her. lol
                  Last edited by good_mom; 11-17-2016, 12:57 PM. Reason: editing

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                  • #39
                    I say just do it. Shes not going to listen if you say something and will then use it against you. Show up on her morning. Lavish her with attention. Give her a special snack for her day. Tell her how excited you will be to see her and whisper something in her ear. Then when your ex says something tell her you will continue to show up as long as she does on your days.

                    This isnt one of those "how to approach this maturely, therapeutically" freud mambo jambo bullshit situations. Your child is five. Its like taking a fat kid to a candy store and saying no. She doesnt understand everyone goes to school or mommy is wrong or daddy is smart etc. Id rather stay home and play than go to work and Im a grown up. Hell your ex has chosen that! Simple plan is show up and give her a taste of her own medicine.

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                    • #40
                      Hmmm...some mixed advice in this thread.

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                      • #41
                        lol yes that happens on an open forum..Surprise!

                        The point is to give different perspectives on how to deal with situations, to benefit posters.

                        Good luck LF32

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                        • #42
                          Yea .. my problem throughout is that I've perhaps remained "too reasonable". Don't get me wrong, I've fought my butt off ... but always through kindness and piles of solid evidence. I've never provided ammo to gunslingers.

                          Don't get me wrong, it's probably also due to being beaten to a pulp by lawyers, OCL, my ex, etc. I simply hate conflict and try to avoid it at all costs. I also know that anything I say can be blown up in to some kind of act of terrorism by my ex and her lawyers.

                          But I do think I need to have "the talk" now.

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                          • #43
                            You can't fight her bad tactic by repeating it back at her. If you don't want your ex interfering on your day, the last thing you should do is interfere on her day! Even if the tactic was successful, you are then setting the child up for disappointment when you no longer show up on each other's mornings.

                            How about one morning, AFTER the child is on the bus and out of earshot, telling your ex something like "I think it upsets D5 when you try to lure her to your house instead of encouraging her to go to school. What can we do differently to avoid it going forwards?" It might even be better done as an email observation a half hour later.

                            I can see how your ex may need to be at the bus stop, even on your days. She has clients who need to drop off children at bus arrival times, and she needs it to be consistent to avoid confusing. Her clients don't need to try to keep track of which day it is and if they are dropping off at her house or the bus stop. She may also find it a good way to drum up business, meeting other parents.

                            So you can't get her to stop coming to the bus stop. But you can try to reduce your need to be at that bus stop at all on your days, and you can show your ex that her manipulations are affecting the child.

                            Comment


                            • #44
                              Originally posted by Rioe View Post
                              You can't fight her bad tactic by repeating it back at her. If you don't want your ex interfering on your day, the last thing you should do is interfere on her day! Even if the tactic was successful, you are then setting the child up for disappointment when you no longer show up on each other's mornings.

                              How about one morning, AFTER the child is on the bus and out of earshot, telling your ex something like "I think it upsets D5 when you try to lure her to your house instead of encouraging her to go to school. What can we do differently to avoid it going forwards?" It might even be better done as an email observation a half hour later.

                              I can see how your ex may need to be at the bus stop, even on your days. She has clients who need to drop off children at bus arrival times, and she needs it to be consistent to avoid confusing. Her clients don't need to try to keep track of which day it is and if they are dropping off at her house or the bus stop. She may also find it a good way to drum up business, meeting other parents.

                              So you can't get her to stop coming to the bus stop. But you can try to reduce your need to be at that bus stop at all on your days, and you can show your ex that her manipulations are affecting the child.


                              LF32 has already confirmed she has no need to be at the bus stop. I thought that too, that maybe she was looking after other kids getting on the bus but no. She has zero need to be there.

                              Comment


                              • #45
                                Originally posted by rockscan View Post
                                LF32 has already confirmed she has no need to be at the bus stop. I thought that too, that maybe she was looking after other kids getting on the bus but no. She has zero need to be there.
                                Her clients are pretty much babies. Her daycare of 2 kids has nothing to do with the bus stops. She just loves that I have to go days without seeing D5 but she still gets ti see her everyday by showing up there. If it weren't affecting D5 I wouldn't really care.

                                Comment

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