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  • #16
    I should clarify in case someone is thinking...I am NOT at all trying to avoid CS, I have paid it (according to the table amounts) since the day I moved out of the MH faithfully, on time and without any order.

    I also have been paying SS as well around the table amounts...again...while waiting for litigation to commence, settle etc.

    So my statements represent my views on the subject only

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    • #17
      In my family, my dad continued to pay CS directly to me, and as the child it was my responsibility to pay my mom in the form of "rent", which took most of the CS but left enough for my bus pass, books and the odd luxury.

      ie My dad paid $450 per month in CS to me, and my arrangement with my mom was to pay her $280, and the rest was for my other personal expenses.

      I don't see why no one ever proposes this :P

      The child at this point is an adult and more than capable of managing their money. My brother wanted to move out permanently instead of paying my mom, and took his CS to do that instead. My dad continued to pay for us as long as he could but was laid off before the end of university so we were on our own after that.

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      • #18
        Originally posted by KW_Divorced View Post
        I hear this all the time, that if a child moves away for university/college, the NCP must contribute CS in order for the spouse to maintain the matrimonial home. However, and as much as I can guess the response will be, that makes little sense. The MH is being maintained by the STBX, but given that she refuses to sell, cannot afford to keep it and that every penny of CS will be used to support her while her son is away at university for 8 months, how can this be considered child support?

        When our son will return, he intends to split his time equally between the SBTX and myself so I fail to see how CS needs to be considered. He is financially self sufficient (good savings, bursaries, scholarships plus a bit from OSAP) and we have contributed to his extra expenses in proportion to income.

        My lawyer has also said the exact same thing in that given these circumstances, it is very likely that CS is not required for these, plus other reasons which I don't necessarily want to post here given we are in litigation at the moment.
        It is considered child support because there are static expenses that do not change whether the kid is there full time or living in residence. The mortgage, tax and insurance costs the same regardless of residents etc which is what the costs cover. Should she choose to forward on some of the money to the child in residence that is her choice.

        The money isn't going to support her, as you claim, you just fail to understand how it is being used to support the child. If the kid is self sufficient, living on his own and not returning to the CP`s home then that is a different situation.

        Yes, there are tonnes of other options out there as far as payment arrangements, however the current arrangement is not the unfair deal you think it is. You need to get past the `supporting the ex wife with CS`perspective and see the big picture.

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        • #19
          Fair enough, blinkandimgone. I do understand all of this and perhaps I am still too jaded and this is all too new for me to be objective. I get that.

          I am not at all trying to absolve myself of CS..not the case at all. I am more than delighted to support my son and to help him succeed with his future. My question is...where do I get CS help from? My income is fully equalized with my spouse, and combined with SS, about 65% of my income is gone before I even touch it. Plus...I am also maintaining a large enough residence for him (and I wouldn't have to if I didn't have a child, obviously) and I am paying 65-70% of extra expenses already. Where does my STBX's responsibility come in?

          As you state, I need to get past all of that, but the system seems biased against decent people trying to fix a mistake in their life and are trying to do the "right thing" by paying up with no agreement in place to ensure minimal disruption to all. And yet all I hear is...not good enough!

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          • #20
            Sorry I should clarify...I am being told by my STBX that I am being unfair and still not providing enough support.

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            • #21
              Originally posted by KW_Divorced View Post
              Sorry I should clarify...I am being told by my STBX that I am being unfair and still not providing enough support.
              Stop taking advice from your ex.

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              • #22
                LOL!!! I agree!!! What am I thinking??

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                • #23
                  I would suggest working something into your agreement about when CS stops. For example... my bf has in his agreement the following...

                  Child support ends for each child when:
                  a) the child no longer resides with the custodial parent, (resides includes the child living away from home for school, summer employment or vacation) (some read this differently but the way it was agreed upon is that if the child is living away from home for school, summer employment or vacation, there will be no child support paid.)

                  b) the child turns 18, unless he or she is unable to become self supporting due to illness, disability, education or other cause

                  c) child becomes self supporting

                  d) child obtains one post secondary degree or diploma

                  e) the child marries

                  Which ever shall first occur.

                  That way it allows my bf to direct money to the child for post secondary, rather than the mother... we are sort of in the same boat in the sense that the mother decided to remain in the MH, bought a brand new 2012 car and it now struggling to make ends meet because she is trying to live in a lifestyle they never even had when they were together.

                  If you have time to put an end date in the agreement, in my opinion you should. He also received the story that his CS is not enough, his response to her is to rethink her financial situation and what she can afford.

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                  • #24
                    Very good advice, Berner_Faith. Will certainly discuss these possibilities with my lawyer. Thank you!!

                    Comment

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