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Word of Caution - for those seeking support increases

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  • Word of Caution - for those seeking support increases

    I learned a harsh lesson in my pursuit to increase child support payments and that is - sometimes when you win, you don't win at all.
    I filed Interjurisdictional Support Variation paperwork in March 2015 - paperwork I started in 2012. I lost my job just weeks after purchasing our first home and the payor hadn't provided financial disclosure since moving out west in 2007. He was living common-law and had no dependants and was earning over $75,000 but paying support based on $37,000.
    In 2013 his income increased to $92,000 and in 2014 it was $98,000. He wouldn't increase his child support, he didn't help pay into my son's RESP and I learned in January 2016 (when I first received a Notice of Assessment as income disclosure) that he has RRSPs - I have no RRSPs but I do have an RESP worth over $9,000.
    Anyway.
    I filed my paperwork and it was sent away and in August 2015 the payor asked about the status of my paperwork and I confirmed with him that it had been received in Alberta and he should be receiving a notice to attend court shortly. How stupid of me to do this while my son was visiting him because exactly seven days later I received a TEXT from the payor to advise my son had "decided" to live there with him. And I have not seen my son since August 2nd, 2015. Naturally, just a week after that the payor parent sent me the form asking for support obligations to end and he is now seeking support.
    So, to anyone seeking support increases I recommend keeping the progress to yourself.

  • #2
    Why on earth didnt you send him back an email telling him he was to send your son back immediately otherwise he would be in contempt and you would work through custody change through the courts properly?

    What have you filed in response? Have you spoken to your son? Do you have a lawyer?

    Comment


    • #3
      My son is 14 and dragging him back to Ontario was not what he wanted.
      The payor parent started the parental alienation in 2012, when I told him I was seeking an increase. My son flew out west that year for the first time and he came back a different child because the payor parent had printed off all the email communication we had (and it was angry) and had my son read it. He brought it home with him. It was awful. He hated me because I was going to be the reason he would never see his father again because his father couldn't afford to pay for a flight AND the increase in support. Even though he was earning $100,000. There is no reasoning with a child who has been alienated from one parent. He will tell you to this day that all of his father's money goes to me and that's why they have none. I would cause damage by trying to correct his belief and I'm not interested in causing more damage or playing tug of war with my son. I would do anything for my son - including let him go to pursue something he thinks he wants.
      The real question here is why no lawyers wanted to help me - there's obvious parental alienation, there's obvious blameworthy conduct, acts of bad faith, unjust enrichment with no juristic reason.... why was I told that I will never get a settlement back to the date notice was given?
      I'm done trying to involve lawyers who don't care - I'm trying to proceed on my own but all I have is case law and evidence and no idea how to put it all into the paperwork. (I have another post to that effect).

      Comment


      • #4
        There have been a few high profile cases of parental alienation lately. Look through this forum for them.

        Doing whats best for your son may also be doing what he doesnt want and your ex obviously knows that. He doesnt get to make decisions or involve a kid in the debate.

        Look into some therapy options to help you deal with this and also for your son. Also do some searches on reunification therapy.

        What your ex has done is wrong. Its not about support anymore, its about your relationship with your son and it needs to be repaired.

        Comment


        • #5
          The lawyer I spoke to, the one whose name was uttered across the lips of every person I spoke about my situation to - she discouraged me from fighting for my son to come back when she told me she had a client who won the order for the child to return, against his will, and he tried to kill himself, so that was a big deterrent. In fact, this lawyer told me shit happens and this is just one of those instances in life where I have to accept reality and the reality is my son chose to live there and I consented by allowing him to enroll in school.
          In all honesty though, my son and I have a better relationship when he's with his dad because he's not resenting me or hating me. Working on restoring the relationship with my son is not the issue - it's holding that douchebag accountable for putting such a huge strain on my relationship with my son in the first place and for the pain and anguish he has put my family through and to make sure he is not successful in his effort to defeat child support arrears by moving my son.
          I'm hoping by taking this forward there can be a precedent set which discourages paying parents to try to defeat their arrears by moving the child. I'd like to do what I can to prevent this from happening to someone else.

          Comment


          • #6
            Originally posted by cande26 View Post
            The real question here is why no lawyers wanted to help me - there's obvious parental alienation
            What evidence do you have of alienation?

            there's obvious blameworthy conduct, acts of bad faith, unjust enrichment with no juristic reason....
            Showing the emails was certainly lousy parenting, but I'm not sure how that is blameworthy conduct or bad faith.

            As for unjust enrichment, that has nothing to do with custody.

            I'm done trying to involve lawyers who don't care - I'm trying to proceed on my own but all I have is case law and evidence and no idea how to put it all into the paperwork. (I have another post to that effect).
            Offhand: Your son is living with his father. You owe child support. It sucks, it hurts, but I don't think you have any case at all.

            It is too bad that child support is so much higher than the actual costs of raising a child. If CS actually reflected the costs, there wouldn't be this type of behavior, because getting the kid would cost you as much as you would get from the other parent, so no financial gain.

            Comment


            • #7
              That case every lawyer cautions on. Thats why i say work on the therapy avenues. Your son is only happy because hes not in the middle. If you arent going to fight to have him returned, you will have to pay support. Possible you could have it nullified based on what he owes you historically.

              Comment


              • #8
                Janus - I somewhat agree with you on the child support issue. The actual amount of money to raise a child is sometimes out of line with the tabled amount of child support - however, that depends on how involved the paying parent is in the child's life.
                I think if payor parents want to pay less they should be able to - by increasing their involvement in the child's life. The more involved (in a positive way of course) the less you owe. The more you contribute, the less you pay. Why isn't that the law?! I wouldn't have cared about the payments increasing if it meant my son's father would be in his life.

                Paying parents who have no involvement in their child's life should have to pay based on their income, and it should be a substantial payment to discourage any lack of involvement in the child's life. They should think of it as paying for a "babysitter" for 18 years.

                Comment


                • #9
                  I should have also asked if he filed a motion to reverse custody?

                  I guess the big thing now is you need to speak to a lawyer about the child support and custody issues. Im not an expert in this so definitely seek legal advice.

                  You should also request that your ex pay all travel expenses for you to exercise your access. Once a month you go there, every other month. Then opposite month kid comes to you. Then you also work out other visits like march break, the summer and christmas. He wont like that he has to pay travel.

                  Also work on the alienation aspect with a therapist. You could start with your local family services office. They provided a good therapist for my partner who was alienated.

                  As for pushing your son, its not pushing to want a healthy relationship. Dont approach it as you taking him away from his father. Approach it as you trying to help him separate his feelings fostered by his dad towards you and how he really feels about you.

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    OP, you owe child support. This is not about you. My STBX, picked up and moved my children to another city. I turned by back on my girlfriend, job, house and business to follow them. All the while paying above guideline support. It took me two years, but my children all now have chosen to live with me.

                    You owe support, pay it. If you want to spend more time with your son, move.

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      Originally posted by cande26 View Post
                      My son is 14 and dragging him back to Ontario was not what he wanted.
                      The magic 14 of family law. This is the age that a lot of things change. First off, under the CCC 283.1 and 282.1 the concept of "parental child abduction" vanishes. It is also the age at which a court will consider the wishes of the child but, it will have to be done through a third party assessor. The general time to get into trial with something like this is 2-3 years. By that time the child is 16-17 years old. In 1-2 years they will be a legal adult.

                      I suspect that the parent simply showed the child in question the amount of money being sent on child support and offered to put a portion of it (or all of it) into a bank account in the child's name for them to do whatever they want to with it.

                      It happens all the time and is quite common tactic. There isn't much that can really be done. The costs to deal with this before the courts are very high and the time long. As time passes the child gets older and the less the court will do.

                      Good Luck!
                      Tayken

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        I believe Tayken to have made an excellent point here. Age 14 is all about receiving and friends. So if boy 14 was unhappy with Mom I doubt it took much for Dad to suggest here moves in with him.

                        If boy was happy, with friends and sports involvement etc etc. He might think twice about leaving his current home.

                        Teenagers are fickle and will look for,the best option. Best to become the best Mom you can with visits and good times.

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          Sorry - I should clarify - I'm not fighting the support issue. My son has the right to support regardless who he lives with, I agree. If I didn't have to pay so much money in order to see him, however, then I wouldn't qualify for Section 10 under the Child Support Guidelines. *

                          I understand how my original post might make it sound like I don't want to pay support but that is not the case. Now, my original post did state I would do anything for my son which I thought might be understood to include the payment of child support but.... that message was, and will probably continue to be lost on some.

                          *I won't readdress this statement - nobody needs to be declaring their opinion as to whether or not I should be paying child support. Thank you.

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            My daughter agreed to a 45% reduction in child support to assist in travel costs. So it's possible. Just figure out your costs and file a motion. Be the Mom who travels. As I said teens are all about them.

                            Comment

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