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No idea how to disprove this claim… OCL? Affidavits?

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  • #16
    Like I said prior, a PI would be useless for him because his allegations are false.

    Based on the timeline, ex is claiming for 1.5 months my son lives with my parents. He was there for before and after care and spend a total of 5 days overnight for the 1.5 months. Once Xmas break started until now with schools closing, he hasn’t spent a single night there. Further, prior to school starting in September he rarely spent the night there. Maybe once or twice a month.

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    • #17
      You sound certain so there's no concern, it's the "maybe's" I worry about.
      Assume he knows every overnight and pattern, before and after serving you.

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      • #18
        I’m not even concerned about the maybes. I’m more concerned if a judge would remove a 10 year status quo over an allegation that’s not proven.

        The fathers allegation is that starting September 2021, my son started living with his grandparents because I had work and started school.

        I told the father that it’s unreasonable to claim that I can’t use my parents for childcare while I was working as it’s free care and my schooling is virtual and done 100% online. Additionally, I provided him and his lawyer via an affidavit documents such as;

        a. A letter from ServiceOntario sent specifically to me at request with them stating my Sons address on his health card is my home

        b. A letter from my sons school in which we obtained out of area permission for my son to attend there due to him living with me. (Son went to his old school to ease back into physical schooling after we moved then he went to virtual schooling. His school is a 15 min drive away and I can throw a snowball from my parents place to the front door of the school)

        c. Medical and Dental records that shows the address registered to my son is with me

        d. Military housing forms that are constantly updated in which I have to identify who lives in my house

        e. My husbands military benefits and next of kin stuff all has my son living with me.

        f. An Affidavit from my mom in which she states my son doesn’t live there.

        I am also currently in the process of obtaining a CAS report in which the case workers asked both me and my son where he lives and we both said with me. Additionally, we explained the situation of before and after care to the workers who agreed it was reasonable. Now whether they put that in their report who knows.

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        • #19
          Originally posted by Tayken View Post
          Good points above. I numbered them to tag on additional content.

          With regards to #1:

          If how you write on this forum is how you communicate to the court and the CAS you will have some issues. Remember, you are dealing with a parent who makes 175,000+ and I suspect is highly educated. How "you" see them as a parent may not be how others see them, the OCL or the court. Tread lightly on how you throw mud. They have enough income to hire a ghost writer to respond to everything you write etc...
          He is not highly educated at all. He is a high school graduate that joined the army and left without doing anything. He is scamming the VA system which I obviously cannot prove but combined with his pension, disability and the trust from his mom, he is getting $171,000 per year. He quit the army in 2019 and has not worked since then. All he has done is stay living with his Mom and spending all of his money. My 10yo son doesn’t even have his own room with his dad and shares a bunk bed with him.

          Originally posted by Tayken View Post
          With regards to #2:

          The court will be suspicious. A child of 10 years doesn't know what "emotional abuse" is and it would require significant maturity or coaching (bad) for them to talk at this level. CAS and OCL and courts are VERY GOOD at identifying children who are being influenced at this age. Remember, with OCL and court you are also under the microscope too. Despite how you "feel" you are as a parent, remember you are also in court being evaluated equally based on what you present as "evidence".
          My Son was explained abuse in school and when CAS got involved when my son told people his father was beating his dog. CAS sat him down and explained the different types of abuse.

          Originally posted by Tayken View Post
          With regards to #3:

          It is a very good observation. You will have to explain how you work "full time" and make "less than" minimum wage. As well, you need to truly understand how income discrepancies like this can play out in court and how a truly negatively educated parent can use their wealth to easily manipulate a child... with money.
          I do work full time but COVID-19 messed with my hours.

          Originally posted by Tayken View Post
          With regards to #6: GRANDPARENTS

          It is quite easy to prove that the child is spending over-nights with grandparents. With someone with 175,000 or whatnot in income hiring a PI to watch and log residential time with GRANDPARENTS is easy and its a 3rd party who will attest to the truth of the facts.
          My Ex is riddled with debt and had made claims to me about lowering CS because he wanted to wanted to afford his dream house. He also was a point where he was asking me for money because, and I quote “Canned food is to expensive”. He is not hiring a PI, and even if he did, the PI wouldn’t find anything because there is nothing to find.

          Originally posted by Tayken View Post
          As well, the other party can ask the court to make a negative inference if you don't call the GRANDPARENTS to testify counter to the claims. Remember, its on the balance of probabilities not "beyond reasonable doubt".
          My parents are definitely going to be called and are 100% willing to tell the truth.

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          • #20
            ha ha. Can't the whole story from a cover.
            Tayken warning is correct but it sounds like there is no worry.

            "My 10yo son doesn’t even have his own room with his dad and shares a bunk bed with him.".

            Call up the CSA and ask them what the requirements are for children and having their own rooms. Your ex is army so it feels like home to him but CSA may think differently especially considering his income.

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            • #21
              Originally posted by pinkHouses View Post
              Call up the CSA and ask them what the requirements are for children and having their own rooms. Your ex is army so it feels like home to him but CSA may think differently especially considering his income.
              They didn’t care because they are are both males.

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              • #22
                Originally posted by pinkHouses View Post
                Call up the CSA and ask them what the requirements are for children and having their own rooms.
                If there were a requirement for children to have their own room, then being poor would be a sufficient reason to lose custody.

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                • #23
                  Originally posted by Janus View Post
                  If there were a requirement for children to have their own room, then being poor would be a sufficient reason to lose custody.
                  I agree that it can be a horrible stance for CSA for the same reason you state; it is hard enough to find affordable and decent housing.

                  I don't know what the courts say but the CSA with their heft out where I am say that boys/girls 10 and up have to have their own room so if you want to get their back up then that can be a way to do it.

                  I don't agree with their "requirement" for the same reasons you do but in this case it sounds like the guy can give the kids their own room but then again I am not the parent.

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                  • #24
                    It’s been considered that because the father lives with his mom in a three bedroom apartment (containing his mother, adult brother and himself) there is no room for my son to have his own bedroom per say. However, all we had requested was that my son had use of the fathers room during his access and the father sleeps on the couch.

                    I had allowed the father to try a week of parenting-time with overnights, however the school contacted me with concerns because my sons homework wasn’t being completed and my son seemed over tired all the time. I found out that the father was not having my son do his homework and/or the homework that was being done wasn’t checked. Also my son told me that his father would stay up past midnight which made my son falling asleep extremely difficult.

                    I brought up these concerns to the father and he outright ignored me which is apparent as my son still shares a room and doesn’t go to bed till after midnight.

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                    • #25
                      Miss Cleo energy telling me this school is in for some lawsuits.
                      Basket of Deplorables

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                      • #26
                        The school is very good at informing the parents of the progress of the child. The concern was that homework wasnt being completed and that my son seemed overly tired and wasnt paying attention in class. I cant see a single thing wrong with that.

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                        • #27
                          Originally posted by thgink9- View Post
                          I’m more concerned if a judge would remove a 10 year status quo over an allegation that’s not proven.
                          Retirement, disability, not promoting ex's relationship, limiting access, passage of time (child's needs changing/ex's ability to care increased).... all material changes available to ex. Don't get caught up on only residence.

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                          • #28
                            He’s been “retired” at 34 for over two years now and he stated less then 6 months ago he didn’t want custody at all.

                            I have promoted a positive relationship and have offered additional time in which the father denies. Fathers own Motion states his only support system is his mother while also living with his brother. His ability to care hasn’t changed in over 2 years and if anything it’s worse due to the poor relationship between the father and the child.

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                            • #29
                              Originally posted by thgink9- View Post
                              however the school contacted me with concerns because my sons homework wasn’t being completed and my son seemed over tired all the time.
                              So, to be clear, when your son is with you he completes all his homework and goes to bed early, is that correct?

                              Then, when he goes to his father, all those wonderful work habits just disappear.

                              That is... unusual.


                              I found out that the father was not having my son do his homework and/or the homework that was being done wasn’t checked.
                              How old is your son? If he is in grade school, teachers should not be assigning much (or any) homework. If he is in high school, his parents should not be checking his homework.

                              Last year one of my kids was not doing his homework. He got a bad mark and was upset with himself. This year it has not been an issue.

                              I brought up these concerns to the father and he outright ignored me which is apparent as my son still shares a room and doesn’t go to bed till after midnight.
                              You guys are high conflict, "bringing it up" is never going to work. The trick to convincing an ex to change is to be on good terms. You are not even close to that.

                              Comment


                              • #30
                                Originally posted by Janus View Post
                                So, to be clear, when your son is with you he completes all his homework and goes to bed early, is that correct?

                                Then, when he goes to his father, all those wonderful work habits just disappear.

                                That is... unusual.

                                Your twisting it…

                                When he is with me, his homework gets completed and he goes to bed at a reasonable time for a 9yo. When he is with his father, his homework doesn’t get done and goes to bed at least at midnight.


                                Originally posted by Janus View Post
                                How old is your son? If he is in grade school, teachers should not be assigning much (or any) homework. If he is in high school, his parents should not be checking his homework.

                                Last year one of my kids was not doing his homework. He got a bad mark and was upset with himself. This year it has not been an issue.
                                Son is 9yo and is in grade 4. He gets tons of homework each night. This past Thursday for example he had 3 pages of math, book report, 1hr of reading, and had to make a poster.


                                Originally posted by Janus View Post
                                You guys are high conflict, "bringing it up" is never going to work. The trick to convincing an ex to change is to be on good terms. You are not even close to that.
                                It is high conflict and we will never be on good terms. Guess that’s the product of him beating the shit out of me and now having my son telling his counsellors he’s being abused by his dad.

                                Comment

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