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LF32 "need to see daughter" pt.2

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  • The only details I gave to Mr T. via a PM were my ideas for an updated parenting plan. No biggie if you got it Paris. Just looking for opinions on clauses, etc.

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    • loose cannon LF32....though admirable...Paris proclaimed her fate by mentioning a PM...may she rest at the bottom of the Ottawa Divorce Forum

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      • Thought Of The Morning:

        Thank god children grow up to have a mind of their own. To make their own decisions. To analyze life and make their own choices.

        I cant wait to walk D3 down the aisle at her wedding, shed a tear at her graduation and be there for her always.

        It's funny what a failed relationship can do.

        Those of you in relationships .. be wary. Not long before she left I took her to a fancy restaurant. We celebrated Valentine's. The day of we spent the day as a family doing winter activities. No arguing, no bad blood.

        If they get very loud, obnoxious saying abnormal things? Don't respond. They may be pressing record for you. You love them with all your heart. You think they love you back.

        The worst. They know you're a good parent. They know this for a fact. They see how their own child is with you and how happy you make them. Their own intensions become more important than that.

        What people around them are saying become more important. They are convinced by others and convince themselves of things that they know are not true. That loving parents, loving extended families are to be erased from the child's life. Why? Family jealousy? A failed relationship? Arguing?

        Deep down they know what they're doing is wrong but they wouldn't dare upset the people around them by putting their child first. I know they have troubles sleeping at night. It would be impossible not to.

        I know this is just the internet. Just the forum. I could say anything. Who knows? She knows the truth. She knows what she's doing is not right. 100's of pics of her drinking. We drank socially. Many ppl to vouch she smoked. I just didn't have a device when she argued and screamed. I wasn't planning a blitz attack on the person I loved. And Im proud of that.

        Me? I'll always put my child first. I'll always be amicable, cooperate and stick to the truth. I would never think of ripping our child away and turning our backs to the other side of the family at an exchange, not saying a word, watching D3's bottom lip quiver from confusion That's not in the child's best interest.

        Daddy? Please come see mommy. Nanny? Please come see mommy.
        I hear this every visit. I'd love to. I'm a mature adult. I can put things behind me for D3. I can show D3 that mommy and daddy still talk for continuity. Im not just continually building a case of strategic status quo.

        One thing's certain .. Im not going anywhere. I'm in it for the long run. Ill take any course, be in court every week. Go to trial. One thing's for certain. I wont make a wrong move. Ill never falsely accuse.

        I'll never react negatively or lose my temper. I'll never involve D3 in any way as she has. But I don't want court. I don't want war. I want a nice, civil settlement like family law promotes. But I wont take less than I deserve.

        She wants to pretend we cant communicate without trying? We'll let a judge decide. I can communicate. She can't. I can provide liberal access. She can't. I can get hair follicle's. She's doesn't.

        My ex? She's not a bad mom. But she's making the wrong decisions for our child. We weren't good for each other. Sure. But we're both good for D3. This needs to be realized.
        Last edited by LovingFather32; 08-12-2014, 08:26 AM.

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        • Originally posted by LovingFather32 View Post

          I'll never react negatively or lose my temper. I'll never involve D3 in any way as she has. But I don't want court. I don't want war. I want a nice, civil settlement like family law promotes. But I wont take less than I deserve.
          Admirable sentiment on your part, God only knows how much I have tried to do exactly that for the past 3 years. And for the past 3 years my STBX has done the opposite. Is his combative lawyer influencing him? partly, but the bottom line is this: he's an adult and makes his own choices.

          It's soul crushing when all a person wants is to be fair, do what's best for the family, move on in a positive direction and the EX treats the entire process like a personal vendetta with not a shred of empathy for others.

          Children are the real victims here ... I do sympathize with your situation. You are trying to play fair, negotiate, mediate, accommodate when all the other side wants is WAR and to completely destroy the other spouse.

          It's hell and I wish I knew how to escape it ..........

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          • This week my partner said he was sick of trying. Trying to help with school issues, trying to communicate with his kids (whether its text email phone etc--skype and visits seem to be off the table) and trying to be a part of their lives without the fighting and combativeness from his ex. He said he cant fight anymore for just shreds of contact, he has to live his life and move forward. "If all I am is a source of money to them, so be it but I don't have anything more in me to give." Its a soul crushing process and it doesn't end with a settlement. It continues for years (we ignore the high conflict from our mother about what happened 25 years ago) but I agree with Janibel. Its an admirable sentiment and I hope your daughter can appreciate all you've done when she's older.

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            • Originally posted by rockscan View Post
              This week my partner said he was sick of trying. Trying to help with school issues, trying to communicate with his kids (whether its text email phone etc--skype and visits seem to be off the table) and trying to be a part of their lives without the fighting and combativeness from his ex. He said he cant fight anymore for just shreds of contact, he has to live his life and move forward. "If all I am is a source of money to them, so be it but I don't have anything more in me to give." Its a soul crushing process and it doesn't end with a settlement. It continues for years (we ignore the high conflict from our mother about what happened 25 years ago) but I agree with Janibel. Its an admirable sentiment and I hope your daughter can appreciate all you've done when she's older.
              There were certainly times I felt like that. But a little patience is required. I had some times a couple of years back when none of my kids wanted to talk to me, and I was totally devastated. Today, one of my kids lives with me, and I communicate regularly with my other two, and we see each other often.

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              • DTD, hes talking to someone about it and handling his relationship differently. I dont think either of his kids will ever want to live with us and he continues to find ways to keep the channels open but he realizes sitting and being miserable or trying to control them isnt going to help him in his day to day happiness. Hes hopeful the one going away to school will reopen the channels and the other one will develop some more confidence in trying to keep the channels open. We're both staying positive but not letting it hold him back and depress him. Unfortunately the gate keeper has tightened the controls over the last month and upped the propaganda against him. He'll stay the course but knows that trying to bully his way in with demands just makes him look worse.

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                • Originally posted by rockscan View Post
                  DTD, hes talking to someone about it and handling his relationship differently. I dont think either of his kids will ever want to live with us and he continues to find ways to keep the channels open but he realizes sitting and being miserable or trying to control them isnt going to help him in his day to day happiness. Hes hopeful the one going away to school will reopen the channels and the other one will develop some more confidence in trying to keep the channels open. We're both staying positive but not letting it hold him back and depress him. Unfortunately the gate keeper has tightened the controls over the last month and upped the propaganda against him. He'll stay the course but knows that trying to bully his way in with demands just makes him look worse.

                  The thing is, kids are smarter than parents give them credit for.

                  With my kids, what it took was patience and persistence. I started with texting, worked my way up to coffee dates, then afternoon activities. This took about 6 months. I never demanded. I simply offered, often. I did stay positive and while I'm sure I let my dissapointment show on occasion, I fought it as hard as I could. Gradually the kids came to recall that I really was a good guy and a good father and that hadn't changed. And what had changed was their mom's attitude. But they have to come to that realization all on their own, without promting.

                  My son lives with me because his mom threw him out. My daughters won't be living with me ever, but they have spent weeks with me at my GF's cottage (though I suspect the draw was my GF's kids who they are great friends with).

                  I think just because they don't see it now doesn't mean they won't ever see it, and the more someone ramps up the propoganda, the more suspicious their motives look.

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                  • I hope she sees one day that war is not on my agenda. D3 and her best interests are on my agenda.. and that entails having both parents in her life to love her and raise her. There's an entire extended family that the ex has alienated now. What have they done to her I wonder? Ex knew the amazing relationships they had with D3 and how much time was spent with her. Yet they're being punished also. The tides shall turn. The difference is I am immune to the BS now. Cant be phased anymore. They haven't even experienced it yet because they've had complete, unilateral control. I hope they know this wont always be the case. For that I thank her. I thank her for making me a stronger person.

                    Lets remember, the CC judge did not say she could dictate access and demand 3 hours/week or nothing. "Access that both parties agree on" was the order. In one lawyer letter he states "if you wish to have future access it will be on Thursdays" .3 hours/week has been her only option .. and on a day that I work.

                    Some of the things that were said to me, done to me .. if only I had a recorder also. But I didn't and I have to live with that. I would have never thought to record the negative in the relationship. I chose to focus on the positive. Then again I didn't have a master plan to accomplish.
                    Last edited by LovingFather32; 08-12-2014, 06:25 PM.

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                    • LF32, its more than just your ex. Shes also being controlled and has bought into this bs. Hopefully the courts will side with reason and make sure your daughter is able to be with her father. War or not, kids always end up hurt in some way.

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                      • We've even discussed separation before and what would happen. (because both our parents are .. we know it happens).

                        Always said 50/50 and we'd do it gradually and remain friends. Recorder was off for those discussions though I bet.

                        I loved it near the end though. She'd come in the kitchen, call me a pig or something. My mouth was full. I'd be confused and say something back like "what the hell are you talking about"and she'd say "Nothing. Im just not saying anything anymore. I've learned not to argue with you. I just agree and walk away". I mean sooo rehearsed-like. I remember thinking she was going crazy. You came in to argue silly.

                        I get it now. I get it.
                        Last edited by LovingFather32; 08-12-2014, 06:57 PM.

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                        • I don't get why someone would tape record a day-to-day conversation with their husband. If a person is unhappy in a marriage then file for divorce, move out and do whatever you need to do to set your life on track. To drag one's daughter through this charade is unspeakable. What an absolutely lousy mother. I think you give her wayyyy too much credit. It's one thing to admit the mother has run-of-the-mill mothering skills but it's another thing to fluff her up to sounding like 'mother of the year' (which she clearly is not).

                          Nope. She is a very troubled woman who uses her own child as a means to get her own way (child and spousal support). I hope the judge puts the boots to her. Have you ever contemplated taking civil action against her in the future? If you were living in the US I bet there would be a legal remedy for this somewhere along the lines of the 'alienation of affection' litigation which was quite popular a few years ago (where scorned woman sued the new woman and frequently won).

                          Sometimes one is discouraged from doing this while matters are in family court. I'd put it on the back burner for now. I seem to recall you saying that the nut-job wanted to involve your employer somehow? C R A Z Y - who in their right might would jeopardize their husband's income when they are relying on this income for their future survival.

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                          • OCL stands for "Office of the Children's Lawyer" correct?

                            So now that these folks are on board on this case they can quickly surmise the situation and ensure your daughter's rights are protected, namely, equal and fair access to BOTH parents. That is their job is it not?

                            Surely they can see by now that your ex's histrionics are a ploy for her to position herself favorably for child custody litigation?

                            I can't understand why the process takes so long. You weren't charged with anything and you have clearly been denied fair access despite a judge's order. The actions of your ex, and her counsel, are really so 'yesterday' as judges are well aware of these sorts of manipulative mothers. She must have dug to the bottom of the barrel to find herself a lawyer who would take on her case (either that or he's too stupid, or infatuated by her, to see that he doesn't have a hope in hell of coming out ahead on this case). Total waste of taxpayer's money (judge/court/legal aid lawyer) as usual. Maybe someone at the OCL will have the 'ovums' to do something right.

                            I admire your patience LF32.

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                            • I know Arabian. Another one of my favorites:

                              We'd be in an argument and spit would fly out of her mouth. I'd say "disgusting". She'd say "I know my teeth are bad". Huh? Who said that? I never said that!

                              So you see Arabian. Ive been called a hawk-nosed, bug eyed .. you name it "off recorder. I was constantly set up. Recordings to abduct. Altered texts to abduct. Right now Im painted as a monster. She's made it sound like Im controlling and cut her family out when I was the one alienated. Justice is too smart for this. I know it!
                              I think of new things every day.
                              After a big shopping spree at Walmart she'd go to the food bank down the street. Why I asked? She said it was free. And more good stuff. I always told her there were ppl that needed that. God Im sure that came up. I gave her my bank card for groceries all the damn time. Was that for court? Only happened last few months.

                              So you see she's crossed her t's and dotted her i's here.

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                              • Devious for sure. I'm hopeful an experienced interviewer with the OCL would not be duped by your ex. Maybe the food bank thing will backfire on her - fraudulent representation. I'd be letting those people know her name (assuming they have a list of the troublesome sorts). I agree, the food bank is intended for needy, hungry people.

                                I bet you never thought to take a look at the Wallmart receipt and compare it to the debit in the bank account. One can take pretty sizeable cash advances and it just gets add to the food bill. Bill-payor none the wiser.

                                How sleazy this whole thing seems to me. I do hope you will someday be able to defend yourself against any and all accusations made against your reputation. First you have to find out what the heck they are? How bizarre is that?

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