Hello everyone, I am so glad that I found this forum, even if a lot of the stories on here discouraging. I was with X for 4 years total, lived together for 3, married for 1. We got married when I got preggers and split up a year later when the little guy was 4 months old. A little bit of background, most of my family/friends thought X was bad news, but for a hardworking, responsible, management type like me, a fun loving peter pan/bad boy was pretty irresistible. During our time together we basically lived on my salary, and he spent his time "working on his screenplay" and travelling with me on business. Over time, I became more unhappy, and realized he was emotionally and verbally abusive, and the arguments worse. Things came to a crashing halt for us, when we got into a huge fight about me attending my cousin's b'day party, X became really scary angry and threatening and fearing the safety of myself and my infant son, I called the police. The police charged him w a domestic violence charge and we have a no contact order in place. 6 months later, I got a lawyer and am now trying to negotiate a separation agreement and it's so frustrating because we exchange so many letters and get nowhere.
I will try to be brief but here are our issues:
1. Access- the boy is with me. We have been trying to negotiate a temporary access schedule, but the conditions are restrictive and we don't have a 3rd party that we can agree on to do exchanges for the baby. (X hates my entire family, and won't agree to any of them dropping off the child and X has no family in the area where he is) He wants me to bring the baby to a mall to visit but that doesn't seem like a good idea for a 10 month old.
2. Custody - X wants full custody (&CS, SS) to be a stay at home parent until the baby is in junior high.
3. Spousal support - X and his lawyer are asking for an amount that is 3x the amount in the guidelines
4. Division of property. we have a house, which i paid for, and not too much else for assets as we were only married for a year and I had a 1 year mat leave and was taken off work at 6 months for health reasons. I owned the house premarriage but while living together, and took out a large home renovation loan But that loan doesn't count as a deduction for my net family property because it was a premarriage debt. (My net family property is $300K, his is zero, the loan is $100K)
I lay awake at night worrying about losing my little guy, walking out of a marriage with $100K in debt and having to support X for years to come. Since the obvious advise is "shoulda gotten a prenup". How screwed am I? What can I do?
Sorry it's so long, I needed to vent.........
I will try to be brief but here are our issues:
1. Access- the boy is with me. We have been trying to negotiate a temporary access schedule, but the conditions are restrictive and we don't have a 3rd party that we can agree on to do exchanges for the baby. (X hates my entire family, and won't agree to any of them dropping off the child and X has no family in the area where he is) He wants me to bring the baby to a mall to visit but that doesn't seem like a good idea for a 10 month old.
2. Custody - X wants full custody (&CS, SS) to be a stay at home parent until the baby is in junior high.
3. Spousal support - X and his lawyer are asking for an amount that is 3x the amount in the guidelines
4. Division of property. we have a house, which i paid for, and not too much else for assets as we were only married for a year and I had a 1 year mat leave and was taken off work at 6 months for health reasons. I owned the house premarriage but while living together, and took out a large home renovation loan But that loan doesn't count as a deduction for my net family property because it was a premarriage debt. (My net family property is $300K, his is zero, the loan is $100K)
I lay awake at night worrying about losing my little guy, walking out of a marriage with $100K in debt and having to support X for years to come. Since the obvious advise is "shoulda gotten a prenup". How screwed am I? What can I do?
Sorry it's so long, I needed to vent.........
Comment