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How did you find the courage to end it?

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  • How did you find the courage to end it?

    I am struggling with the decision to end my marriage...

    How did you find the courage to end yours?

  • #2
    When I realized that only possible step forward I could take was the step out.

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    • #3
      When it was clear that he wasn't going to earn my trust back, and would in fact keep lying to me.

      Sometimes the question you ask yourself is "why is my spouse doing this to me?" and the answer is "I keep letting him."

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      • #4
        When I realized even if he did the things I needed/wanted it would never change the way I felt. Too little, too late and the damage was done.

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        • #5
          After 3 rounds of counsellors failed...I still stayed. It took my kids to make a couple of negative comments about our marriage and I realized I was NOT doing them any favours, and did not want them growing up as men believing that was how a marriage should be.

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          • #6
            I realized that I was ultimately responsible for my own happiness. I was tired of being blamed continuously for everything that went wrong in his life.

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            • #7
              First I feared leaving. We had a house, a business and a beautiful child. I thought hard for a couple of years - "how do I get OUT of this?" Sometimes I thought of little else. I hated my life with him and couldn't imagine spending the rest of my life with him. It was like slowly suffocating. I feared the unknown.

              Then one day I realized that I had to get away from him just to survive, and breathe. And the fear of staying became greater than the fear of leaving. The 'unknown' was now welcoming me, and I was a lot more fearful to stay, and slowly suffocate. I finally experienced freedom. And some measure of peace. He continues to try and suffocate me - financially, etc. But I am free of him and for all the bullshit he's caused (and there's still things that need to be dealt with) - I wouldn't go back to him, or be with anyone like him. I freed myself and I have the confidence to say and know in my heart, that I will never feel trapped like that again.

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              • #8
                You only have one life. Be the best parent you can be and lead by example - don't put up with someone shitting in your cornflakes everyday. Stand up for yourself - at the end of the day you are the only person who will stick up for you.

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                • #9
                  Exactly!!!

                  Originally posted by arabian View Post
                  You only have one life. Be the best parent you can be and lead by example - don't put up with someone shitting in your cornflakes everyday. Stand up for yourself - at the end of the day you are the only person who will stick up for you.
                  Exactly how I felt/feel !

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                  • #10
                    Morning everyone,

                    Like everyone else here I kicked the idea around for quite awhile. In our marriage I was the aggressive one, and I don't mean that in a negative way. I was the super mom, super house cleaner, super worker and the go getter. I eventually grew out of our marriage. It takes 2 willing partners to continue a good relationship. My X was quite happy to sit back and let me do everything. I went back to school while I was working full time...took extra courses after that was done while still working full time. He enjoyed the extra money coming in but refused to help out by trying to upgrade himself.
                    Why does everything happen to me, he would say. I would reply, "why not you?" None of us are above having things go wrong, but it's only up to you to make them go right!!!! How bad do you want it!!!
                    Then one night I was sitting in the living room and he walked by and I said "Ican't do this anymore". Do what he said, I replied stay in this marriage...and that was it. The next day was the first day of the beginning of my new life.

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                    • #11
                      Originally posted by blinkandimgone View Post
                      When I realized even if he did the things I needed/wanted it would never change the way I felt. Too little, too late and the damage was done.
                      When I realized that even if I did everything she needed/wanted our lives would be a friggin disaster.

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                      • #12
                        When I realized that he was satisfied with things never changing or growing. Enjoy life and what it has to offer....we only do it once.

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                        • #13
                          Originally posted by tiredofthisnow View Post
                          When I realized that he was satisfied with things never changing or growing. Enjoy life and what it has to offer....we only do it once.
                          Amen. I looked at our young daughter, and asked myself if this is the relationship role model I wanted her to grow up with, and think was normal. I wanted more for our daughter.
                          Start a discussion, not a fire. Post with kindness.

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                          • #14
                            When I realized I had no chance of achieving any of my life goals or any longterm happiness with the person I was with. He wasn't my life partner...he was sabotaging my physical and emotional well-being.

                            With all the garbage you have to deal with ending it....divorce rocks because having hope rocks. If you want to die early, stay in a bad marriage for the kids and/or the money.

                            Life is short...live it.

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                            • #15
                              When I realized nothing I did was ever going to be good enough and I would never get anything right as far as he or his family was concerned.

                              Most of all the realization that nothing was going to change if I did not take responsibility for my own life and make some very tough decisions. It was a good call.

                              His behavior since the separation has only served to validate the fact that was the best decision I made for myself and for the children. I would not be the person I am today had I stayed in the marriage.

                              Both of the kids were singing in the bathroom this morning. Priceless. I suspect had I stayed in the marriage, the children would not be as happy and confident as they are today.

                              I've never for a minute looked back and regretted my decision to leave for a moment. I wouldn't say it's been smooth sailing since then but it's been a hundred times better then what it was back then.
                              Last edited by Nadia; 06-05-2012, 10:41 AM.

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