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  • #31
    Originally posted by Selfrepmom View Post
    Word of caution: Be 100% sure you are not restricting access.

    Absolutely be cautious... http://canlii.ca/t/hwwzr


    [48] The mother perceives herself – the mother – as the primary caregiver of the children “as of right”. This appears to be consistent with her own experience as a child following her own parents’ high conflict separation and divorce. As a result, she felt entirely justified to leave the matrimonial home with the two children “to protect them” from their father, without notice to him, and to deny him access to the children for lengthy periods of time for no other reason than forcing him to agree to her desired parenting schedule (giving her a tactical advantage in the litigation). She also felt entitled to make all decisions relating to the children, without prior consultation with the father, being of the view that her obligation to consult and inform was being met by simply relaying her decisions to the father after the fact, thus precluding him from being an active participant in the children’s lives.



    [49] This conduct on the part of the mother left the father feeling completely marginalized as a parent. He felt entirely denied an opportunity to be part of his children’s day-to-day lives, including in areas that he had been actively part of in the past such as their health care, education and extracurricular activities. As a result, he fought back. Unfortunately, he often fought back in ways that were not child-focussed and which only led to more conflict. He also took unreasonable stances with regard to what were otherwise reasonable requests by the mother, for example by refusing to provide his consent to the mother’s travel with the children to Mexico to attend her brother’s wedding (and despite having been ordered by the court to provide such consent). As a result of what he perceived to be patronizing messages and unjustified attacks on his parenting abilities (and I do find that in many of her messages to the father the mother was in fact patronizing and at times even condescending to him), the father eventually refused to communicate with her at all, and unreasonably ignored all of her emails from September 2018 onwards.




    End Result was 50/50... I sat in the trial... I heard all the evidence...The Judge made the right call!

    Comment


    • #32
      Originally posted by otttawa_dad View Post
      I didn't address this topic in my previous reply; How do you know he's hiding income? Can you prove it?
      Well the biggest golden nugget I have is this WONDERFUL affidavit from my ex’s disgruntled former employer- whom my ex was subcontracted by (hence not being on the books) and worked during the entire period he is claiming he was unemployed.
      The affidavit has some wonderful bits of info including hire and fire dates, exact payment info, and details of the business my ex has now started and is running under the gf’s name.
      I have not produced this affidavit yet. I HAVE served the ex with a Form 20 specifically asking for info pertaining to this employment and other income info. He has a week left to disclose. If he fails to disclose should I start a motion for disclosure and file the affidavit as evidence? Or since my SC is next month just wait and let judge order disclosure then?

      Comment


      • #33
        Originally posted by Selfrepmom View Post
        Well the biggest golden nugget I have is this WONDERFUL affidavit from my ex’s disgruntled former employer- whom my ex was subcontracted by (hence not being on the books) and worked during the entire period he is claiming he was unemployed.
        The affidavit has some wonderful bits of info including hire and fire dates, exact payment info, and details of the business my ex has now started and is running under the gf’s name.


        If there's payment info, then the Contractor would have these on the books, for tax purposed, and your ex billed and provided invoices to get paid.


        Originally posted by Selfrepmom View Post
        I have not produced this affidavit yet. I HAVE served the ex with a Form 20 specifically asking for info pertaining to this employment and other income info. He has a week left to disclose. If he fails to disclose should I start a motion for disclosure and file the affidavit as evidence? Or since my SC is next month just wait and let judge order disclosure then?
        As per my previous post, keep collecting cards... don't show them. This "cut" card can be used at a later time.


        Is your EX self-rep?


        If not send his council an e-mail seeking full disclosure on these particular items. Don't refer to the Affidavit, play dumb


        If his lawyer doesn't produce the documents or disclose any info, then during the SC address this issue with the judge and ask him to endorse the disclosure you are seeking. Make sure you know exactly what you are looking for. MAKE A LIST.
        • Invoices
        • Cheques
        • Pay stub from GF "business"
        • Banking records

        Then once endorsed (court ordered)he has a legal obligation to provide this info, furthermore having proof of a request to the council will strengthen your request for endorsements. "your honor, I have requested this info VIA Mr. Liars council, they haven't produce any info"
        Last edited by otttawa_dad; 03-05-2019, 03:08 PM.

        Comment


        • #34
          Originally posted by Selfrepmom View Post
          If it didn’t happen, don’t worry about it.



          If you’re not already, begin communicating via email. Send an email the day before his access weekend verifying pick up time. Send another one on the Saturday to verify pick up time on Sunday. And keep a journal of exact pick up times, who picked the kids up, the location etc. When he sends those baseless accusations, put him on ignore. No point in arguing about something that never happened



          Word of caution: Be 100% sure you are not restricting access. My partner’s ex likes to play this fun game where she will tell their daughter of something amazingly fun she has planned on a daddy weekend. Daughter then obviously doesn’t want to miss out on said activity. She then has daughter call daddy and tell him how badly she wants to go participate in this activity instead of come for a weekend. His ex believes in the deepest part of her heart that this is in the best interest of the child, as it is what the child wants to do, and that she will not tell the child what she has to do. This is restricting access


          Nope don’t do that. If something came up on dads weekend. I would email about it to let him know. The rest was up to him. And yes he usually ignored.

          We email everything now. Some used to be texting.

          There was a handful of times in the past. Kids refused to go. Dad was ok with it. Left them to me and I talked them into going the next morning. But this only happens 2-3 times in 5.5 years. And once was a horrific snow storm and the kids were terrified. It happened to be the firs time they would go on the highway to his new home. I told him he can go in the house and get them and he wouldn’t. They went the next morning and make up time was offered. He ignored. That is the only times ever. One time he ditched them on a Friday night and didn’t show up at all


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          • #35
            Originally posted by otttawa_dad View Post
            Absolutely be cautious... http://canlii.ca/t/hwwzr


            [48] The mother perceives herself – the mother – as the primary caregiver of the children “as of right”. This appears to be consistent with her own experience as a child following her own parents’ high conflict separation and divorce. As a result, she felt entirely justified to leave the matrimonial home with the two children “to protect them” from their father, without notice to him, and to deny him access to the children for lengthy periods of time for no other reason than forcing him to agree to her desired parenting schedule (giving her a tactical advantage in the litigation). She also felt entitled to make all decisions relating to the children, without prior consultation with the father, being of the view that her obligation to consult and inform was being met by simply relaying her decisions to the father after the fact, thus precluding him from being an active participant in the children’s lives.



            [49] This conduct on the part of the mother left the father feeling completely marginalized as a parent. He felt entirely denied an opportunity to be part of his children’s day-to-day lives, including in areas that he had been actively part of in the past such as their health care, education and extracurricular activities. As a result, he fought back. Unfortunately, he often fought back in ways that were not child-focussed and which only led to more conflict. He also took unreasonable stances with regard to what were otherwise reasonable requests by the mother, for example by refusing to provide his consent to the mother’s travel with the children to Mexico to attend her brother’s wedding (and despite having been ordered by the court to provide such consent). As a result of what he perceived to be patronizing messages and unjustified attacks on his parenting abilities (and I do find that in many of her messages to the father the mother was in fact patronizing and at times even condescending to him), the father eventually refused to communicate with her at all, and unreasonably ignored all of her emails from September 2018 onwards.




            End Result was 50/50... I sat in the trial... I heard all the evidence...The Judge made the right call!


            Thanks for the link. I will read in full. I did not and have not behaved this way at least in what I read from what you have posted.

            My ex was always consulted and informed. He never offered anything back to me. Until gf got involved. It was quite frustrating asking someone for opinions and help and being ignored. I felt like I had to beg him to attend school app or dr’s the very few times he did go. Then he wouldn’t open his mouth.

            There really is no emails prior to the gf getting involved either. As he never used it. It was all verbal or texts. Many of which he ignored. It was very frustrating to ask for input and get ignored.


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            Comment


            • #36
              Proving parenting time was withheld or denied is difficult and its also on your ex to prove it. Your response is simply to share what you did to encourage them. If you have proof your ex was ok with it then he would need to answer as to why he didn’t fight it.

              Your ex can claim whatever he wants. The onus is on him to prove it. At this point you have provided him with further opportunities for time with the kids and he responded with either no or repeated changes to the schedule to suit him. Plus he has added abuse to his time and is being investigated by CAS.

              There’s a big difference between dads who insist on seeing their kids and dads who can’t be bothered and claim denial. My man was fully denied access and had his parenting time scaled back as well as interfered with. Kids sitting on the phone with mom, visits cancelled right before they started, arriving to get the kids to be told no, and having holidays refused. His lawyer told him he cannot fight it because it is difficult to prove.

              For mom 2 two, your ex would need to demonstrate all the times he said he asked for more time and your refusal. I doubt he has this. Even at Christmas when he kept changing the days/times he wanted them, he looks bad. Judges see through this shit daily.

              Comment


              • #37
                Originally posted by Mom 2 Two View Post
                My ex was always consulted and informed. He never offered anything back to me. Until gf got involved. It was quite frustrating asking someone for opinions and help and being ignored. I felt like I had to beg him to attend school app or dr’s the very few times he did go. Then he wouldn’t open his mouth.

                There really is no emails prior to the gf getting involved either. As he never used it. It was all verbal or texts. Many of which he ignored. It was very frustrating to ask for input and get ignored.
                Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
                I feel very fortunate in that I am lucky to be able to see both sides of the argument when it comes to the old fashion “typical” parenting situation (Mother as primary caregiver, father with EOW)
                I am a mother with a child in my primary care. My partner has his EOW. I see daily the struggles he goes through. But there are times when I can see his exs point of view, and I will chime in and tell him if he is out of line.
                I can almost guarantee that my partner’s ex would describe their situation almost exactly as you did above. And you are most likely justified in feeling that way for the most part.
                When my partner left his ex, it was very high conflict. He hates confrontation and tries to avoid it like the plague. Because of this, he avoided a lot of things in the first year of their separation including Dr appointments and school functions (paid all CS and s7’s though) Not because he didn’t care, but because he knew it would put too much stress on their child if they were both around. He also (and this is a big generalization here and I am not saying all men are like this) is a typical guy. Things like a routine checkup that his ex saw as the pinnacle of your parenting ability, to him just wasn’t a big deal.

                Look at the gf as a blessing in disguise. She probably sees how great he is with her kids and is encouraging him to be more involved with his. Don’t let his lack of involvement in the past influence his future as the kids dad. Maybe - and I know this is hard to stomach- suggest to him when it comes time for parent/teacher interviews, that instead of forcing him to go with you, that he and his gf make their own separate appointment with the teacher. I know she has zero say in the kids schooling, but he would probably be a lot more comfortable and relaxed at an appointment with her there instead of having to go with you. Once he realizes that you are not trying to control how he parents the children, he may just eventually come around on his own and end up being a great co-parent

                Comment


                • #38
                  Originally posted by Selfrepmom View Post
                  Maybe - and I know this is hard to stomach- suggest to him when it comes time for parent/teacher interviews, that instead of forcing him to go with you, that he and his gf make their own separate appointment with the teacher. I know she has zero say in the kids schooling, but he would probably be a lot more comfortable and relaxed at an appointment with her there instead of having to go with you.


                  Judge ordered exactly this in the case referenced above.
                  http://canlii.ca/t/hwwzr


                  23. The parties shall attend parent-teacher separately, unless they agree to otherwise and in writing.

                  IMO this works great in high conflict cases, reduces animosity, allows to speak without being scrutinized or judged.....


                  SelfRep_MOM maybe include this in your offer to settle!
                  Last edited by otttawa_dad; 03-05-2019, 05:04 PM.

                  Comment


                  • #39
                    He actually did make the parent teacher appointment without me. And the one before that both our partners attended with us. Mine observed. And my ex’s did all the talking. So after that I said please have your own teacher interviews. As I couldn’t get a word in otherwise.

                    And before then gf came into the picture dad an I were amicable.

                    He attended bday parties at my home which I also had his mom and brother attend. And he got along with my partner and my family still. He came and set off fireworks in my backyard with us all. Attended first communion classes with me for my youngest. And his family and himself attended the after gathering at my home.

                    When gf came into the picture. She and her three kids were invited into my home for bday parties along with his family still. That’s when he and his family stopped attending.

                    Anything I did and invited him too he came. So you think we were ever invited to his home. Never. I always had to pay for and Throw the parties. But my kids were happy dad was there. So I did it.

                    Dad used to see his children every morning and put them in the school bus. He then met gf and started showing up late and making me late for work. Now I miss out on 15 mins day pay to Put them on the bus. It’s cheaper than paying for before school care which he won’t pay half of anyways.

                    I get what your saying... but what you are describing is not my ex... or his gf.




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