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Ex being difficult...trying to rewrite FLA

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  • Ex being difficult...trying to rewrite FLA

    Ex decided he would determine who is entitled to what in our marriage. It is basic info of Pensions, RRSP, property values etc. and debt. He has advised me that I am to take the "deal" and that it's a good deal. It's almost laughable. I have a lawyer. We are just starting the process. Ex thought he was going to pay his lawyer $1000 to draft up this stupid agreement and I was going to sign it and away we both go. Child custody isn't an issue at the moment but may as I have had the kids on my own now for some time until he gets his health back. He pays me nothing now. I am trying to see if he will sort himself out before the custody becomes an issue. I am being told he will "fight" me for everything. Since I am just starting out and just writing out my financials I am not sure what he is fighting me on. I am in the legal profession but on the criminal side of things. Family court and FLA I have some knowledge but the Act and what goes on in court are often two different stories. If we do equalization and all done legally, what exactly can someone "fight" over? No surprises with what we owned before marriage (nothing), and no issue over what was acquired during marriage. It is in plain sight! Is this just an angry ex mad over possibly having to pay me equalization? He told me he consulted a lawyer but have my doubts since this should have been the first hour of discussion with a lawyer. Finances and equalization. I honestly don't want to waste time, money and energy in the courtroom for family issues that I am legally entitled to. I am not asking for more than my share and in fact was willing to take less just to avoid lawyers but he was adamant I am not getting a dime. Is equalization something someone can fight over?

  • #2
    This is normal bullying behaviour. Ignore him. You take advice from your lawyer and if they say its a good deal, fine.

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    • #3
      send a counter-offer back to him. I think he is trying to ask for the moon in order to maximize what he can get.

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      • #4
        I’ve seen it where one spouse gives up part of the equalization they are entitled to just to “keep the peace” and that just teaches the ex you are a doormat they can keep chipping away at by reducing their CS, not even paying the small equalization they agreeed to etc.

        Begin as you mean to end. Ask for 50/50 as it is fair and is in the best interest of the children to have two somewhat equal households. Get custody and access sorted first, then the equalization is just math.

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        • #5
          Originally posted by tilt View Post
          I’ve seen it where one spouse gives up part of the equalization they are entitled to just to “keep the peace” and that just teaches the ex you are a doormat they can keep chipping away at by reducing their CS, not even paying the small equalization they agreeed to etc.



          Begin as you mean to end. Ask for 50/50 as it is fair and is in the best interest of the children to have two somewhat equal households. Get custody and access sorted first, then the equalization is just math.

          My fiances ex towed the “you get nothing” line and was horribly difficult. A judge had to step in. My man was kind and took less than he was entitled to as a way to keep the peace. Big mistake. She ended up bullying him and alienating him.

          Don’t be kind to make it go away. Get what you’re entitled to and then turn on the mute button.

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          • #6
            It is just anger. My ex used the same words. He was going to”fight” me on everything. In the end the equalization was fair, as it is supposed to beIt took about 1.5 years to get a signed agreement. Ended up equalizing things by ex keeping pension and I keeping houseBut he still feels I got more. Recently told me how unfair because I kept the house and how his house has smaller square footage and how I had gotten more of the house equity. He forgot to mention that he has all the pension and I am just starting to build my own pension at middle age. Ex’s see what they want to see. I would ignore all the bluster

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            • #7
              Originally posted by backinthesaddle View Post
              Is equalization something someone can fight over?
              Well, often people can fight about equalization in much the same way that I can sue you for saying bad things about me on an internet forum. Either way, the probability of winning can be quite low unless there is an actual issue.

              That said, there can be some reasonable disagreements:

              1) Assets as of the date of marriage
              2) Actual date of separation
              3) Status of loans made during the marriage
              4) Inheritances received during the marriage (and whether they were kept apart or mingled)
              5) Court settlements (eg. one spouse gets into a car accident. Is that an asset?)
              6) Business valuations
              7) Post-separation depletion of assets


              ...so yeah, two reasonable people can still definitely fight about equalization

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              • #8
                my ex swore he was going to see me "homeless on the streets" .. I'm ok though. best revenge is living well and I did it all myself.

                threats pfft

                Had an unreasonable ex. I would not deal with him personally whatsoever which drove him nuts. Of course this was after one round of trying to deal with him one-on-one. Divorced finalized after 10 months (using a lawyer and binding arbitration which is private).

                Sometimes less is more and getting one's lawyer (supervised by you of course) to present things in a succinct manner is the best way to go. Remember, if you are too wordy you leave yourself open to your opponent.

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