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Divorce & Family Law This forum is for discussing any of the legal issues involved in your divorce.

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Old 03-26-2011, 10:00 PM
Tank2 Tank2 is offline
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Unhappy Case Conference questions....please help

Hi again everyone,

So it's getting close to my case conference (next week) and still have a few questions.

I have written about the history of the case in another post a few days ago.

Since serving my ex the 30 day limit has came and went with nothing back from her. She also never attended the MIP. I have has many people in her family inform me that she is planning on just "handing our daughter over", since she wants to leave the family we created and move on with her "new" family.

So since she never filled out the paper work or attended the session it is my understanding that we are not judge ready. And when we go to court that is exactly what they will tell us. So what will happen if my ex shows up for court even though she has not done the proper stuff.
At this point I'm going to ask for a temporary order to be in regards to access to our daughter (which she has denied and has been hiding from me for almost two years) and for an uncontested trial.
How do I go by this and is it fair to ask for this?

If she come to court to give me custody of our daughter what do I do. I mean to make it legal. I don't want to take our daughter and make plans with the ex to meet up to see a lawyer as I live some distance from her and I don't trust that she wont call the police on me for kidnapping. Yes, she would do this as her original plans were to give me our daughter with only maybe three days of clothes and then call C.A.S. on me just to cause trouble.

What is the fastest way to make it legal and the best way.

Should I be waiting outside the court room to see if she wants to talk or just be inside waiting for our turn?

Last question.
I don't think our daughter knows what's going on. How should I/can I explain the situation if she is indeed coming home with me that night.

Thanks so much everyone. You have all been lots of help.
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Old 03-27-2011, 08:24 AM
Mess Mess is offline
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The case conference isn't a trial, it is a fairly informal meeting (make sure you are not informal with the judge!) where you two have a chance to settle, the judge may offer some suggestions and if things like financial disclosures haven't been filed then the judge will order it.

Get to the courthouse early and leave a message with your ex to get there early. You can make a settlement in the hallway beforehand, have your lawyers write it up and the judge will be happy to sign it.

If not, the judge the may offer a compromise solution. In your case it doesn't seem you need a compromise but you may have a sticking point. If you both agree the judge will make temporary orders. The situation can often appear like you don't have a choice and your lawyer may meet separately with the judge and you feel left out, but no orders will be made without your consent.

For you, I'd strongly suggest trying to get an agreement beforehand and get the thing settled with the benefit of the judge's order on the spot. Decide what the wording will be with your lawyer beforehand and make the settlement offer in the halway if necessary.

For your daughter it will be better if you and mom can have a civil meal together with her and talk all together. Don't make judgements or give personal reasons, just stick to what is going to happen, that mom loves her, dad loves her, she has been with mom, now she will be with dad.
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Old 03-27-2011, 08:46 AM
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More great advice from da man.
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Old 03-27-2011, 12:51 PM
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Hi mess,

I know the basics of what happens at the case conference but I do not have a lawyer. I am self rep. Her mom has hid from me for almost two years for no other reason other then she wanted her new boyfriend to play "dad" but now that they have their own two children they don't like mine anymore.

So if she makes the choice of switching our daughters primary residence and giving me sole custody do we have to write something for the judge or can we just tell him what we have spoke about. And if she hasn't filled out any of the paper work and never attended the MIP will we still be able to see a judge. If not is there anything I can do to have a temporary order made so I can start seeing and speaking to my daughter before any more time passes in her young life? Even when my mom was dieing and the day she died my ex would not allow our daughter to come and say good bye even after her own family tried to convince her.

I really really wish we could sit down to a dinner and explain this to our daughter but her boyfriend speaks for her (he seems very controlling of every aspect of her life) he wont allow her to talk to me on the phone the few times they have called me to ask me to take custody of our daughter it's him on the phone or internet messaging. I get a few words with her but her boyfriend is right there on speaker phone and will take over at any point of time where he doesn't like the way things are going. This is a really messed up situation. No one (other than myself) is thinking about the child in this situation

I do not have her phone number and she has blocked me off of any internet soical sites or instant messaging. I will be making a new account (once again) to ask her to show up early to talk before but every time our daughter is brought up she says she wants to go to court only and have a judge decide....
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Old 03-27-2011, 02:35 PM
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You need a case conference in order to make a motion order. So it's important to have your first case conference asap.

Does your ex have a lawyer or is she self-rep as well? There is nothing wrong with you writing up a custody agreement yourself and presenting it to her beforehand, then getting the judge to sign it on the spot as a court order. In order to keep her co-operation make the agreement identical to what the two of you have agreed on. If she ends up refusing when the time comes there is nothing you can do about that, however you are able to show the judge that you have been trying and seeking a settlement without forcing it through the courts.

When you meet with the judge be absolutely organized. Have every piece of documentation you can think of in a binder with subject tabs separating them. Include a binder with printouts of all emails and letters exchanged by you and your ex. Keep all of this on hand so that you can show it easily within 1 second if the subjects come up when you are with the judge. The judge above all will appreciate you being organized and professional throughout the conference. Don't slag your ex, don't get emotional, don't go off on separate issues if you are talking about 1 point in particular. Stay on topic, stay relevent.

Your ex will show up having done nothing, the main point you want to stress with the judge is that you want a clear and enforcable custody order, either by consent or else you need to get through the conference stage so that you can seek a motion order. This is the one main thing you have to keep in mind and don't get sidetracked, don't get confused, don't walk out of the courts without being able to have the custody situation formalized.

Let's say your ex changes her mind again at the last minute, you still want to stress to the judge that you need interim custody so that you can continue to seek a stable and healthy situation for your child. Stay child centered at all times.
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Old 03-27-2011, 05:06 PM
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The case conference is in two days. My only concern is that my ex didn't fill out from 10 and never attended the MIP. It's newer thing the court are testing out in some cities and any parties going to court over family matter (unless it's divorce with no children involved) must attend in order to have a case conference. She is the respondent in this matter.

So from that I don't think they will allow us to see a judge, because the paper work on her side is not complete. If this is the case and I drive up there only to be told we have to rebook the date so she can fill them out I really want a temp. order to be made so my daughter and I can at least visit each other as it has been almost two years.

Ex from what I heard from her family does have a lawyer from legal aid.

I have all my paper work laid out like you have suggested. Everything is labeled and easy to find if I must do so in front of judge quickly. I have e-mails after e-mails of my ex telling me to "fuck off, leave my family alone, She is not yours anymore" telling me that she needs me to take custody because she cannot handle our daughter anymore, that our daughter is ruining her marriage and corrupting her other children (ages 1 year, and 3 months) also e-mails of me offering mediation and her refusing saying she only wants to go to court, and that she wont talk to me until then... Even a conversation about how after one attempt of her agreeing to bring our daughter down for her birthday to see me and my family (even talked to my daughter on the phone) we made up our own visitation agreement. 24 hours later she changed her mind and said she only wants it done in court by a judge.

Will any of this help me in getting any order made for access to our daughter? My ex will not work out anything at all.

Thanks so much mess you have been very helpful
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Old 03-30-2011, 01:46 AM
danzuchy danzuchy is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Tank2 View Post
The case conference is in two days. My only concern is that my ex didn't fill out from 10 and never attended the MIP. It's newer thing the court are testing out in some cities and any parties going to court over family matter (unless it's divorce with no children involved) must attend in order to have a case conference. She is the respondent in this matter.

So from that I don't think they will allow us to see a judge, because the paper work on her side is not complete. If this is the case and I drive up there only to be told we have to rebook the date so she can fill them out I really want a temp. order to be made so my daughter and I can at least visit each other as it has been almost two years.

Ex from what I heard from her family does have a lawyer from legal aid.

I have all my paper work laid out like you have suggested. Everything is labeled and easy to find if I must do so in front of judge quickly. I have e-mails after e-mails of my ex telling me to "fuck off, leave my family alone, She is not yours anymore" telling me that she needs me to take custody because she cannot handle our daughter anymore, that our daughter is ruining her marriage and corrupting her other children (ages 1 year, and 3 months) also e-mails of me offering mediation and her refusing saying she only wants to go to court, and that she wont talk to me until then... Even a conversation about how after one attempt of her agreeing to bring our daughter down for her birthday to see me and my family (even talked to my daughter on the phone) we made up our own visitation agreement. 24 hours later she changed her mind and said she only wants it done in court by a judge.

Will any of this help me in getting any order made for access to our daughter? My ex will not work out anything at all.

Thanks so much mess you have been very helpful
How did it go?
  #8  
Old 03-31-2011, 09:57 AM
Tank2 Tank2 is offline
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Talking

The Case conference didn't even happen. My ex (when invited) came up and talked to me which is weird as she was hiding for two years and keeping my daughter from me....but guess what. She handed my daughter over on a temp basis!!! Her lawyer was pissed and kept trying to convince her not to give up because she had status quo and the lawyer didnt want her to loose that. I have prime residence for three months with joint custody. If my daughters behavior improves and she likes it here it is in the agreement that my ex will sign custody over to me without a fight! So right no as I write this my beautiful daughter is playing fairies in her bedroom Thanks everyone for your help thus far!
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Old 03-31-2011, 03:14 PM
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awesome news.
keep it about whats best for your little girl and all three of you win.
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Old 03-31-2011, 04:56 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Tank2 View Post
If my daughters behavior improves ...

Who is going to determine this? Since she will be with you, it would seem that YOU are the one to say if it improves.
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