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  • High conflict pickup/dropoff

    My STBX insinuated something against my partner’s 5 year old during a CAS investigation against her house. The CAS worker felt the situation not an issue at all (mischievous but innocent action) and deemed that it had been dealt with appropriately. Nevertheless, CAS had to add it into their report. My partner was pretty upset that this happened, especially as the CAS investigation had nothing to do with us and it looked like STBX was trying to be vindictive and steer the investigation away from her house towards us. My partner sent STBX an email stating she never wanted her to set foot in our house again or she would be charged with trespassing. She told her to wait in the car during pickups/drop-offs.

    Now, STBX wants a retraction of the email and a “neutral” pickup/drop-off location as she states she was threatened. This complicates things. She refuses to drop them off at my house now and won’t even drop them off (when sick) two addresses down at a coffee shop. It has to be a five minute drive away at a location of her choosing. If I won’t meet her at that location then she says I have to drive all the way to her house to get my kids (30 minutes away) even though she will be three blocks from my house.

    I’m not sure how to handle this. I can understand my partner's anger. I don't see anything wrong with remaining in the car during pickups/dropoffs. Any advice?

  • #2
    I think your partner blew it. She shouldn't be communicating with Mom at all, let alone telling her to wait in the car for pickup/dropoff.

    If Mom's preferred handover location is only 5 min away, I suggest you agree to go along with it. It's not a huge deal, and the advantages of keeping Mom and partner separated outweigh the inconvenience to you. Having these two women in proximity is obviously a volatile situation.

    "Retracting an email" doesn't make sense - what's done is done. If your partner is genuinely sorry, she could apologize, but if she isn't sorry, I think you need to just focus on damage control.

    I can understand your partner's anger, but she really has to stay out of communications between you and Mom, because expressing that anger of escalates things.

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    • #3
      in the grand scheme of things, driving 5 minutes isn't a hardship to keep the peace.

      Your partner screwed up and created this situation. Yes Cas added something to their report but it wasn't a negative thing..it should of been left at that but your partner took it to the next level. Yes your partner had a right to feel angry but she should've taken a step back and not over-react on a matter that was dealt with.

      DO NOT take your partner when you pick up your kids. I don't care if its a public place etc, these women need to be kept away from each other. If your partner demands to go with you then she will just inflame the situation more.

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      • #4
        I totally understand your partners anger and upset given what happened, but, she should not have sent that email. However, hindsight is 20/20 and it can't be taken back. Perhaps agree to a neutral spot for now and try to negotiate a spot as close to your home as possible. In a couple of months, if tempers have cooled and there have been no further flareups on either side, maybe suggest a return back to your residence.

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