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What is in a name?

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  • What is in a name?

    I guess this question goes out to all the " blended" families. How do you or would you handle the name game? Not the Mom, Dad etc names but the last family name.

    So

    Mom and Dad have child X. Child is given Dads last name ( they were in love and soon to be married so it made sense).

    Mom and Dad separate!

    Dad moves on with new GF and produces another child plus gains 2 other children from her previous marriage.

    Therefore in Dad's family we have 3 names:
    GF maiden name, her 2 children from a former marriage have their Dads last name and Newbie Baby and Dad have his name.

    On the other side Mom has her maiden name, as they never married, the child x has his Dads name ( remember they were in love at the time and soon to be married) Now Mom has a new man in her life and if she were to marry would likely take his name.
    If they have more children they will have her new husbands last name.

    How has this worked for other families? Have the children felt left out because they do not have the same last name. We noticed in school that we have had to correct the teachers on several occasions because they refer to the child by the Mothers last name. Then the child asks why?

    Just wondering.

  • #2
    Children tend to only make a big deal about things like this if you make it a big deal.

    My son has his father's surname. Was never an issue.

    I never could understand why people changed their names in the first place when they got married.

    The only time my son said anything about our different names was when he was angry at his father a few years ago and was contemplating changing his name.

    I don't think it is a big deal nowadays.

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    • #3
      Hi Beachnana,

      I'm at the beginning of this kind of scenario since S2 was given mom's surname at birth.

      After two years in court, we recently settled and part of our agreement is that our son's surname is going to be amended to add my last name and my personal information will be added to his birth record.

      At first I wasn't going to make S2's surname a big deal but after realizing that we are both young (early 20s) and it's likely each of us will get married and have more kids, I wanted our son to have a clear identity.

      For the record, when unmarried parents (or married) don't agree on what surname to give a child, the default is both of them hyphenated in alphabetical order (which is what we are doing).

      Adding to the fun, S2's mom has a double surname (her unmarried parents) and originally wanted BOTH of her surnames with my surname added. Thankfully, the government does not allow more than 2 surnames for a child, so her only option is to pick one and add the other one to his middle names if she want to keep it.

      When this is all over, S2 will likely have a first name, three middle names and two surnames (yup, 6 names). I am paying to change S2's name and all other official documents like his health card.

      I figure that S2 can drop a few names when he reaches adulthood if it bothers him but since I had no say in naming him in the first place, I am glad he will be officially recognized as my son.

      Don't really know how it will all play out with future siblings and step-parents but I can imagine there will be lots of explanations required at schools, sports etc.

      Comment


      • #4
        YoungDad23 - each to their own but, wow, I really have to question what you are attempting to do. Kind of seems to me that everyone there wants to put an "ownership stamp" on the poor kid.

        I read nowadays about some pretty ridiculous names people give their children. I wonder if anyone gives a thought about how difficult or possibly awkward it can be for the child during a simple role-call procedure in school.

        Seems to me that parents are always trying to brand their children. Be it in the form of piercings or tattoos, it just doesn't seem to be in the child's best interests.

        I remember the kids that were new to our school from Ukraine and who had very difficult names to pronounce. The kids were made to pronounce their names in front of the class and you just knew they wanted to blend in instead of stand out.

        So I hope whatever name parents give to children they put themselves in the kid's situation for a nanosecond. There has to be much more wholesome ways to help a child develop their own identity than "labelling" with a funky name?

        Just my 2 bits. BTW I was adopted and I often joke that reason I never changed my name when I got married is that I already had a name change in my youth.


        Also.... someday when you send your kid to camp you will have to label his/her clothing....
        Last edited by arabian; 11-24-2015, 10:28 PM.

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        • #5
          It's always nice when the kids have shared names with the parents, but leaving the new step parents out of it.

          For example, mom and dad split, each remarries. Kids have hyphenated last names (mom's main name and dad's name). New kids on either side get hyphenated names with each parent and the original kids end up sharing one name with new half siblings on either side. Step siblings, well they don't end up getting included, but that's just the way things are.

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          • #6
            Suzie Zaramghophenese-Pitmalmatchican?? LOL

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            • #7
              I also have a problem with people who intentionally gender disguise their children by funky spelling of their names. Perhaps this is a new trend? Who knows, it might be a thing of the future to ensure children grow up and are not victims of gender discrimination? Hmmm.

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              • #8
                I don't think it's a big deal these days. In my daughter's friend group, only one girl has the same last name as her mother. Friend 1 has her deceased father's surname (mother reverted to birth name after husband passed away), Friend 2 has her divorced father's surname (mother remarried and took new husband's name), Friend 3 has her mother's maiden name as last name and father's middle name (cultural tradition), Friend 4 has her father's last name (mother kept her name after marriage), and my kid has a hyphenated last name. There's no confusion, everybody knows who belongs with who. It's a 21st century thing - there's no one-size-fits-all.

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                • #9
                  Originally posted by arabian View Post
                  YoungDad23 - each to their own but, wow, I really have to question what you are attempting to do. Kind of seems to me that everyone there wants to put an "ownership stamp" on the poor kid.
                  I understand where you are coming from but I'm not trying to put an "ownership stamp" on our son. My intention is simply that his heritage be reflected in his name.

                  I would rather this little boy didn't have 6 names to deal with but my ex registered S2's birth at the hospital with 5 names including her double surname without even letting me know he had been born.

                  If S2 was always going to have a double surname why shouldn't it be HIS biological parents surnames instead of those of his maternal grandparents?

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                  • #10
                    In Alberta some First Nations children often have hyphenated names (Jason jumping-fox). I have not seen a double hyphenated name (Jason leaning-tree-jumping fox). Interesting subject. I wonder how Alberta Health Services (Ontario Health) handles this?

                    YoungDad23: Your child is fortunate to have you as a parent.

                    Hope I have offended no one by my remarks. A name is a name is a name. Each to their own....

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                    • #11
                      Originally posted by stripes View Post
                      I don't think it's a big deal these days. In my daughter's friend group, only one girl has the same last name as her mother. Friend 1 has her deceased father's surname (mother reverted to birth name after husband passed away), Friend 2 has her divorced father's surname (mother remarried and took new husband's name), Friend 3 has her mother's maiden name as last name and father's middle name (cultural tradition), Friend 4 has her father's last name (mother kept her name after marriage), and my kid has a hyphenated last name. There's no confusion, everybody knows who belongs with who. It's a 21st century thing - there's no one-size-fits-all.
                      I'm impressed that you know all of this and can keep it straight!!! Good mom to have a pulse on things.

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                      • #12
                        Can someone explain to me the difference between the variations of Mohammed? Is it "son of" or something? In my work I constantly stumble over this. Is there a logic or is it just a difference in spelling of a name?

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                        • #13
                          Well I agree with posters that there are many different name combinations out there.

                          Good idea for Mom to have a hyphaneted name. X-y. When she marries. Keeps her name in there.

                          Has anyone ever added a name to a birth certificate? I am guessing that would require Dads agreement. Not necessary consent as her name would just be added before his name. So i would be there but the childs name would still be his name?
                          Last edited by Beachnana; 11-25-2015, 01:34 AM.

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                          • #14
                            Birth certificates are issued provincially. Here is the link for info about changing:

                            http://www.ontario.ca/page/change-childs-name#section-2

                            Looks like if you have sole custody you can do the change.

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                            • #15
                              Thanks for the link. She does not have sole. But as she is not replacing Dads name but rather adding her own she can only hope.

                              Anyway, good information.THANKS

                              Comment

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