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  • Where do we turn?

    I will try to make a long story short. My common-law partner has been separated now for almost 9 years from his wife. It was at his request, won't go into the details but it was by no means a surprise. At the time he was posted to the UK and being 1) very fair and 2) just wanting to keep everything as easy and nice as possible he agreed to some very unusual circumstances. He walked away literally with just the clothes on his back, her full control of the matrimonial home and their son and for the first full year his whole paycheck(she was paying most of their joint debts out if that) After a year she filed for divorce, it became a lawyer nightmare, he paid out somewhere between 5-10K and never even sorted out a separation agreement in that amount. Basically feeling like it was pointless, he agreed to pay her twice the amount of child support, all the babysitting costs and also $400 a month spousal ( this was when he was only making $40,000) a year. He also agreed to sort out their joint debt on his own and again left her the house etc. This went down finally in the fall of 2007 after the son not going to the sitter for a year, at that point he wanted to put it closer to the table amount (which was still $40 extra a month) to $600 and give her still $200 for spousal. Please know that by this point he was virtually bankrupt,living in overdraft. She only agreed if he would do it all as child support so she didn't have to claim it. Within a month however she went to a lawyer, started checking on his pension (which she said she would leave alone as long as he always did all of this overpaying) and making demands. He got a lawyer and supplied her with all his financials etc, blew another $2600 on that lawyer to only have her lawyer and herself to never answer anything! Then last fall she reinstated the orginal petition for divorce asking for financials all over again! Great so another $2600 later, another lawyer all that work again and guess what? 4 months after supplying both the court and herself with all of the info we get no reply or info back as requested.
    We are so lost and do not know where to turn. It is like she just wants to make him so crazy he will give her anything to make it stop (she wants a lump sum of cash which she doesn't seem to get...we don't have, if we did we would gladly give it) We have also now had to tie up more debt from all of this lawyer cost into our mortgage. The lawyers can't seem to tell us what the heck to do to get any answers or get anything to happen. My question is with us in On , her in NS and he in a military job which makes it hard to get dragged to court a million times where do we turn to get this done? Is there a lawyer somewhere that can help and give honest answers instead of taking money and never doing anything?
    If anyone knows anything, understands how divorce, court, forms etc work in NS I would so appreciate any input.
    At this point I am really starting to think we can never get this sorted.
    My dear man is a good man, he would never say p**p even if his mouth was full. He only ever wanted to make it nice for fear what she might say to his boy he adores. Even with all he gives her, he still pays all costs for travel, buys his son a full wardrobe twice a year and does all he can do. I just hate to see him so taken advantage of and with no one who seems to want to do anything other than take his money.
    Thanks for listening.

  • #2
    Wow...just....wow.

    Alright, where to start....

    1. You need a divorce specialist. Big time. I believe there is a number you can call in ON where they can give you some recommendations. I'm not 100% on what it's called myself, as I'm based in NB. Some of the other forum members would know.

    2. STOP paying her anything other than table amounts of support. Pay proportional to income special expenses (ie. childcare, with receipts only). Request her latest notice of assessment from the government in writing and give her 30 days to respond. If she refuses or ignores you....stop paying special expenses. (Stick the $$$ aside though)

    3. Stop paying spousal. If you don't have a signed separation agreement, then she's not entitled to it anyway. How long was he married? 9 years worth of spousal equates to 9-18 years of marriage. No agreement, means he can't even use it on his income tax as a tax break. Basically he's been pissing money away for 9 years trying to be a "nice guy". Being a nice guy in a custody dispute typically means you get ridden roughshod.

    4. Stop buying wardrobes...that's what the child support is for.

    5. Start divorce proceedings yourself, or restart hers. It's like $125 for a "simple divorce" and you can file this yourself. Depending on how far into it she went when she started the proceedings, you may or may not get approved to proceed. You MAY have to use HER old divorce file number to essentially re-activate the file.

    If you can get the proceedings to start up in ON, it means SHE has to find a lawyer whose familiar with ON law to represent her, if she chooses to try to contest it. Living separate and apart for > 1 year is instant grounds to allow the divorce, she has NO way of contesting this, especially if he's been paying table amounts of CS all these years, AND gave her full equity in the matrimonial home AND took on the joint debts.

    Push her for valuation of the matrimonial home, effective the date of separation. (You can always agree to drop this part of the claim, the sole reason I would recommend you go after it is to force her to settle. Also request she be held accountable for 50% of the joint debts held at the time of the marriage. Again, this is probably akin to getting blood from a stone, but it could be a useful negotiation point.) The hope here is that once she realizes what she COULD potentially be on the hook for, she'll "decide to cut you a break" and settle.

    What you want to wind up with is:

    1. Table amounts of support, and proportional to income splitting of special expenses (ie. childcare). As she has a history of screwing around with this, make sure you put the caveat in that receipts are required.

    2. Travel Expenses split proportional to income. (or a reduction of CS to lower than table amounts due to an increase in travel expenses associated to access.

    3. Clearly outlined access arrangements.

    4. No more spousal support.

    5. A clear cut agreement regarding the assets/debts from the marriage.

    Comment


    • #3
      Yes I agree we need to find a lawyer that can lead him right. I am so confused as to why if she reinstated the original petition which caused the court to demand his info within a certain time frame....she was not also made to do that once we handed his in? And if we ask his lawyer she is so vague. I assumed we needed to supply a counter petition/answer to get things moving on her part, to bring forth info and get things moving but its like we ask questions and she gives these roundabout answers which make you have to ask more and it is this vicious cycle where she is charging us for 3 emails when she could have just answered us in the very first one. I guess there is a big difference how it works in NS as opposed to On because in my divorce it was very clear you only had so much time to supply answers of info or else you could be in contempt or things could be decided without you. It just seems so unbelievable how slow this process is for him. To me it is like everyone is just taking him for a ride and he is so easygoing, he just doesn't get it. I would be livid over the waste of money to have gained nothing. If anyone else has any suggestions on how to find a competent lawyer either here or in NS, I would appreciate it. At this point, I swear the poor man is going to die married....and he is only 38.

      Oh and as to his length of marriage....they were married for 6 years, together for almost 9 years total.

      Comment

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