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  Ottawa Divorce .com Forums > Main Category > Parenting Issues

Parenting Issues This forum is for discussing any of the parenting issues involved in your divorce, including parenting of step-children.

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  #1  
Old 10-21-2020, 04:16 PM
Soiled Soiled is offline
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Default Parental Consent & Psychologist

My daughter(10) has been seeing a psychologist for nearly a year now. The other week my Ex decided to cancel all of her upcoming appointments and withdrew her consent for our daughter to continue seeing the psychologist. This decision was made without consulting me, or our daughter.


When I asked her about her reasons, other than creating arguments or trying to redirect the conversation into irrelevant issues, the only thing she comes up with is she wants to find her another counsellor that is 'impartial'. Our medical coverage is more than sufficient to cover the fee's so finances shouldn't be a factor in the mothers decision. Our daughter is extremely upset about all of this, and wants to continue to see her psychologist.


Some of the issues she has been seeing the psychologist for are ongoing, and I am concerned that others may come back with the stress/anxiety of this situation now. I've spoken to the psychologist and unfortunately without consent from both parents, or a court order, they are unable to see her.


I've purposely kept things pretty vague as otherwise I'll either write several pages of drama, or my anger at the situation will start to come through. I can expand on things if it's potentially relevant.


I'm looking to see if anyone has any experience with similar situations, or to sort out what potential options I may have for this.
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  #2  
Old 10-22-2020, 11:17 PM
tilt tilt is offline
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Her position sounds unreasonable. You have tried talking to no avail. Write a polite email, summarizing what you understand as her objections and stating your point of view - make sure to include that the status quo for a year has been counselling. . Then I would file a motion (urgent if your courthouse is really backed up). Ask the psychologist to give you an affidavit confirming the medical care is necessary. Bring your daughter to her primary physician and leave the room so they can talk and ask the Doctor to give you an affidavit confirming your daughter wants to continue counselling.
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Old 10-23-2020, 08:37 PM
pinkHouses pinkHouses is offline
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What does your separation agreement or final court order say?
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Old 10-23-2020, 10:44 PM
Soiled Soiled is offline
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Thanks for the reply Tilt, a few things there I had not considered, such as the physician.

Divorce Judgement is pretty bare bones on this sort of issue, basically just states Joint Custody. As I, at the time never would have thought someone's need to be in control would override the needs and/or desires of one of the children I didn't think anything more would be required.

I would guess now though that this sort of thing is likely becoming a major issue with education, due to COVID and differing opinions on home school versus actual school.
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Old 11-11-2020, 03:55 PM
Soiled Soiled is offline
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So just a quick update in the event anyone is curious.

The ex's relationship with our daughter unsurprisingly took a sharp turn for the worse with all of this. They spent her week apparently fighting the entire time, lots of yelling and swearing on the part of their mother, according to the kids.

The kids are at my place every weekday before and after school as I live within 100m of their school, and there's somebody home for childcare. During the week of fighting with her mom, I could hear the two of them arguing in the street about not wanting to go with her, and she would beg and plead with me to not make her go.

This apparently angered her mother enough that she decided to rehire her old lawyer and start wasting her money on angry lawyer letters about how I'm interfering with the pickups.She even went so far as to tell our daughter that if she didn't get in the car when she was told she would get the RCMP bring her to her place (no police enforcement clause).

I was more than happy to waste her money and email back and forth with her lawyer on this and inform him that several neighbors were witness to the arguing in the street, as well as provide him emails from the MFRC social worker stating that our daughter continue with her current/former psychologist as they weren't qualified to deal with the issues she is facing (mother tried to get them to see our daughter for an evaluation).

The mother has for the last two weeks gotten it in her head that all our problems would be solved by the two of us seeing a therapist for assistance. We tried this once before about 6 years ago, however it failed/ended when the person we saw did not take her side. The ex dismissed all advice and decided the person was a quack. Trying it again with someone else has been brought up by her a few times over the years, but I've told her that I wouldn't bother again until she has been to see counseling for herself for at least a few sessions.

Last week she emailed me (directly, l would imagine without even consulting her ĺawyer) what I would consider to be the stupidest thing she could. I will quote:

"If I consent to [daughters name] seeing her psychologist again, will you see a therapist with me?"

I've told her sure, and will agree to go as it gets our daughter back into her psychologist without having to wait for court. It does mean I'll have to sit in a room with her and listen to her complain about every petty grievance she has from the last 15 years though, which will be terrible. On the bright side however, if needed, I now have written proof, from her, that she considers her daughters health to be leverage for her own desires.
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Old 11-11-2020, 09:27 PM
Stillbreathing Stillbreathing is offline
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Why on earth are you seeing a therapist WITH your ex? The only reason you might want to consider therapy is if the two of you can’t get along to co-parent in a civil manner. Even then you should not both be seeing the same therapist. You should each have your own therapist and then after a session or two you get together with your ex and her therapist. Does your ex want to reconcile that she wants to go to therapy with you?
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Old 11-12-2020, 12:57 PM
Soiled Soiled is offline
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Only reason I am going to do the therapy is so that my daughter can see her psychologist sooner rather than later after her parents lose a bunch of time and money to the court system. That will be if the therapist even wants to do this as I sent them a brief outline of the entire situation.

As for why my ex wants us to go together, my best guess I she thinks she can get them on her 'side' and have the therapist tell me to do everything she wants.

Things between us are generally pretty civil, provided I keep things formal and distant. As soon as I forget myself and relax and become friendly with her, her expectations of me increase until it gets unreasonable and I refuse, which sets her off, and things become extremely volatile. For example in the past she has used me for computer tech support, furniture delivery, etc. Probably, no, definitely it was dumb of me every time in the past that I let my guard down and start doing those things, but I always figure it just makes life easier for the kids.

Reconciliation will never happen though I'd imagine she has regrets as she originally initiated the divorce with the plan of moving across the country and surviving on child and spousal support. That plan failed for her and things haven't gone well for her since.

Easiest, if not most flattering way of describing her personality would be narcissistic. As is well demonstrated by her unilateral decision to remove our daughter from her psychologist against everyone else's desire/advice including the psychologists.
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