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lies, deceit and money!!!!

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  • lies, deceit and money!!!!

    How do you get past all those? Why is it about the money? Our child's life/wellbeing is at state here and now it's all about the money!
    What do you do when you now have a sudden request for an increase in time with the child, not to actually spend with them but to pay less? That is just sick to me and can't believe I used to sleep beside this man!!!!!!!
    It's sleeping with the enemy!
    How do you get past all the angry and hurt? The lies? The I would rather have money than a family?
    He wanted us out to further his financial position, yet lies, and hides money and is fighting me for every last penny!
    I just want my child! The rest is just what is fair yet Im the money hungry beast! Seriously. He would die if he was to read some of these other money hungry people on here and what they have and are doing to get money from the ex. Im just asking for my fair share.
    What do I do, walk away from all the money just so I know that my child will not be affected by all this? If I was to say this to ex, can I truly say he would back down from this nonsense and let me continue on providing the best for child?
    I just want to puke! I have not done anything immoral, I have not gone after more than my fair share, I have gone to therapy to help me and our relationship, read books, focused all my energy on our child, and for some freakin reason, KARMA LOVES KICKING MY ASS!
    Last edited by tugofwar; 05-27-2010, 11:20 PM.

  • #2
    I dont' have the answers for you, Tug, but I am sorry you're going through it

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    • #3
      Someone help me please! Im about to lose my marbles!!!!!!!!

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      • #4
        "An insider"
        Thanks DADTOTHEEND, thanks for that

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        • #5
          k his reason for wanting more time with the child may be to decrease what he pays. May it not also be a good thing? He may really bond with the child and your expenses like food go down a bit, you get some more time to yourself to either better your education or work some extra hours or even just kick back soaking in a bath uninterrupeted.

          As for fairness. I did not think that word exsisted in the relm of divorce and separations. To be fair means to me that each is treated the same and gets the same. So he should have 50% custody to be fair. The that way the CS is figured out so you each pay your fair share according to income. If you are not working or only working full time to be fair you should get a full time job to up your income. To be fair each person should report any and all income and not pad their expenses. See how hard it is to be fair??

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          • #6
            I understand. I don't agree with 50% custody because it only gives him a break in paying for the child. He doesn't want to be a full time dad or even part time. I think he's content with occasional. I don't know how else to describe it. But, when you look at a child and attach a dollar amount to it, that's just not right.
            He wants to hide his money and income. Fine, whatever. To me it's not about the money!

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            • #7
              standing on the sidelines, that is true in many situations, from what Tug has described about her ex and the situation that is not the case here.

              He is gaming you with the house valuation, he is claiming $12k income per year and probably living of 10X that much, and he is wanting more "time" with your daughter and then wanting dump her off at his mothers or his sisters. You simply should not agree or sign off on anything like that.

              First, she is doing well in daycare, you keep her in daycare where she learns things and develops socially with other kids. She won't make friends with kids her own age watching soaps all day with grandma. I'm not saying time with grandma isn't important too, but you have the right to decide what she needs and what is best for her development.

              If ding-dong wants more time with her then require he submit a detailed parenting plan (I think it is now required by latest changes to family law act, but I haven't looked at details, it is mentioned anyway). What he is going to do with her, how he is going to take care of her, what his plans are, what he is going to teach her, etc. She is thriving in her current setup, he should justify what these changes are he wants. Meanwhile put your foot down and don't agree to anything.

              As far as his income and business goes, I don't know what you can do, most of what he earns is cash and he's writing off everything including the kitchen sink. You have income imputed to him now already, probably it is still low but if you are getting by then what can you do besides hire a private investigator?

              The house, yes, insist on valuation as of separation date. If the value had doubled due to a zoning change, do you think he would just hand you the money?

              If he gets all these changes to the schedule he is asking, how much does this add up to?

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              • #8
                I'm sorry Tug. Your outlook on this is correct. What time you have offered is fair and until he consistently spends that time with his daughter then it is fair to her that she not be shipped over there just to save him money.

                We all have to remember that what is fair to the parents is not necessarily fair for the kids. 50/50 is NOT ideal in all circumstances.

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                • #9
                  Tugofwar

                  I don't have an answer to help solve this situation, but do want to assure you that sticking to the higher ground and doing what's in your power to make the best life possible for your child is always the right thing to do. Karma isn't what's kicking you right now, your ex is. Have faith: it's going to come back and whip him good in due time.

                  Don't give up, don't back down. You can do it!

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                  • #10
                    Thanks for everyone of your posts!

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                    • #11
                      So both sc briefs have been submitted and now Im finding all these things, lies. What do I do? Im waiting to hear from my lawyer but not holding my breathe.
                      At what point do I ask him to prepare a parenting plan, be interesting to see what he writes, better yet wished someone would ask him on the spot and love to hear his response. Otherwise, he could possibly have someone else write it for him

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                      • #12
                        TugofWar, I don't know your entire situation but I feel really bad that you have to sit back and watch your ex do this. If he didn't want 50% custody to begin with, how can he change it now? Do you have to go to court? If you go to court, will a judge not want to know why all of a sudden he wants 50% custody? Someone above mentioned a "parenting plan"....maybe look into that. I would be sick to my stomach if my ex wanted 50% of custody just so he didn't have to pay support. If he *really* wanted quality time with the child then fine, that is great for the child but if it is to pass off to another relative with no quality time at all and just to save money...horrible. I am so sorry you have to go through this.

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                        • #13
                          Originally posted by tugofwar View Post
                          So both sc briefs have been submitted and now Im finding all these things, lies. What do I do? Im waiting to hear from my lawyer but not holding my breathe.
                          At what point do I ask him to prepare a parenting plan, be interesting to see what he writes, better yet wished someone would ask him on the spot and love to hear his response. Otherwise, he could possibly have someone else write it for him
                          that is the bad thing, now he has time to write (or get someone to for him) what he thinks sounds the best. Gives him time to think about his answers. If he would have been asked right away then he would probably have been more honest.

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                          • #14
                            I'm sorry Tug. Really sorry.
                            My ex is going to get the same chance in our OCL investigation. He's likely going to parrot everything I have said and look better for it. Hopefully he means it.

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                            • #15
                              Originally posted by Mess View Post
                              If he gets all these changes to the schedule he is asking, how much does this add up to?
                              Well, now that I think about it, it`s just under 50 hours. But that`s a big increase from 5 hours every 2-3 weeks. and the current 6 hours weekly
                              (as I know he`s just trying to get grandparents to watch to increase his time as they will be doing it at his house)
                              That`s not to go without saying if he gets his 50 hours, that he wont keep pushing for more to get closer to his 40%.

                              Comment

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