Email from my lawyer

[FB_]

I could care less if she's reaching out. I'm not going back to 30-40 texts a day over cutting finger nails.

My question was do I have to respond to her lawyer?

I understand that either way she could take me to court at which point I could address the issue appropriately.

I have been very happy without dealing with her nonsense on a daily basis.

[Links17]

Personally if I were a judge I would order you to accept the text messages and order her not to abuse and if she did, I would give you the right to cut it off (come back to court).

Offer her that perhaps - no more than x messages?

In Quebec, contact between the parents is considered one of the 4 major factors in deciding custody.

[Mess]

My suggestion would be to tell her that you have cancelled your text messaging due to the cost, and cannot receive texts.

I just noticed recently that Fido has an option to block texts through the network and they get an error message sent back. You could also get an app to fake that kind of message.

[Rioe]

Send her an email that acknowledges that you received her lawyer's email and that you are doing the courtesy of responding personally to her to save her the money of going through her lawyer.

Let her know that you do not feel that text communication is appropriate, considering her history with rampant and disruptive texting. As she has an iPhone, you know that she is able to access email from it wherever she is and it is just as clear to see on the screen as a text would be.

She's not reaching out in any sort of cooperative fashion, she's being her usual needy self.

He's not kicking her when she's down, he's behaving consistently despite her varied moods.

If he caves in on this, he's only going to reinforce that her begging and pleading works to get what she wants, which would be a disaster for future interactions. This is her sticking point, and if he holds firm and gets past it, the rest may improve.

If I were a judge, I'd say "Lady, use email! Or I'll order you to pay for Our Family Wizard."

[Mess]

I would send the email to the lawyer. It costs her for that, not you.

In addition, she is doing this to get you to respond. If you respond directly to her, this is feeding her fixation.

[Rioe]

I would send the email to the lawyer. It costs her for that, not you.

In addition, she is doing this to get you to respond. If you respond directly to her, this is feeding her fixation.

True, but with the money he saves her by not going through her lawyer, she could buy a tablet to have a bigger screen to read the emails on.

[dad2bandm]

...
She's not reaching out in any sort of cooperative fashion, she's being her usual needy self.

He's not kicking her when she's down, he's behaving consistently despite her varied moods...

Agreed.

She's just trying to introduce issues.

[Pursuinghappiness]

My question was do I have to respond to her lawyer?

The answer is no but I think Rioe and Mess have given you very good advice.

All smart phones have the ability to receive and send email. I do it everyday and have for years. The text on a text message and on an email is precisely the same to read. And with email, she can simply enlarge it if its hard to read.

I think that the constant letters from her lawyer are just more effort on her part to keep you engaged. She seems desperate to keep the conflict and attempts at manipulation ongoing to feel connected to you. Its not unusual behavior...especially given the personality traits you've attributed to her here. Remember what happened when you allowed her to call you...same nonsense will start again.

I don't know your history with your ex but I'd hazard a guess that she's been very successful in the past in wearing you down with this type of behavior and eventually getting what she wanted.

Personally if I were a judge I would order you to accept the text messages and order her not to abuse and if she did, I would give you the right to cut it off (come back to court).

Offer her that perhaps - no more than x messages?

In Quebec, contact between the parents is considered one of the 4 major factors in deciding custody

Links...no one is suggesting that FB doesn't communicate. Email is the best way for ex's to deal with parenting issues unless there's an emergency. Particularly with certain types of personalities.

How will enforcing a certain number of messages be enforceable in court? Does that sound reasonable to you? Do you truly believe this is good use of the courts time and the best possible course for these parents?

The real question is what works for this OP and his parental and personal life...especially given that he has to consider what's in the best interest of the new relationship he's in.

[dad2bandm]

No she has an iPhone that can send and receive emails.

Funny it took her 12 minutes to accept an Email Money Transfer I just sent her...

I often get resistance to "email" communication, by my ex. I won't get responses or she won't check email for weeks at a time, just to introduce "issues". "I don't need to check email all the time, I have a life". "Someone hacked my computer I think again" "We don't have a computer". Yet I've also noticed those email money transfers always go through just fine to her, with no issue. lol.

[FB_]

I often get resistance to "email" communication, by my ex. I won't get responses or she won't check email for weeks at a time, just to introduce "issues". "I don't need to check email all the time, I have a life". "Someone hacked my computer I think again" "We don't have a computer". Yet I've also noticed those email money transfers always go through just fine to her, with no issue. lol.

Funny how that works eh!

[FB_]

I would send the email to the lawyer. It costs her for that, not you.

In addition, she is doing this to get you to respond. If you respond directly to her, this is feeding her fixation.

This is a good point.

It really is a fixation as she also said "you've obviously moved on"

[FB_]

The answer is no but I think Rioe and Mess have given you very good advice.

All smart phones have the ability to receive and send email. I do it everyday and have for years. The text on a text message and on an email is precisely the same to read. And with email, she can simply enlarge it if its hard to read.

I think that the constant letters from her lawyer are just more effort on her part to keep you engaged. She seems desperate to keep the conflict and attempts at manipulation ongoing to feel connected to you. Its not unusual behavior...especially given the personality traits you've attributed to her here. Remember what happened when you allowed her to call you...same nonsense will start again.

I don't know your history with your ex but I'd hazard a guess that she's been very successful in the past in wearing you down with this type of behavior and eventually getting what she wanted.



Links...no one is suggesting that FB doesn't communicate. Email is the best way for ex's to deal with parenting issues unless there's an emergency. Particularly with certain types of personalities.

How will enforcing a certain number of messages be enforceable in court? Does that sound reasonable to you? Do you truly believe this is good use of the courts time and the best possible course for these parents?

The real question is what works for this OP and his parental and personal life...especially given that he has to consider what's in the best interest of the new relationship he's in.

Thanks PH... All very good points...

[FWB]

I could care less if she's reaching out.

Just to clarify....nobody is telling you to take her back or anything crazy like that, it was simply just a point of opening up lines of communication.

You can try the suggested method (although you have to ask how that is working out for those folks) and their personal matters, but if all that fails, surely logic says try a different method

Decision is yours

[FB_]

Just to clarify....nobody is telling you to take her back or anything crazy like that, it was simply just a point of opening up lines of communication.

You can try the suggested method (although you have to ask how that is working out for those folks) and their personal matters, but if all that fails, surely logic says try a different method

Decision is yours

You're incorrectly assuming I'm the one with the problem that needs fixing. Email communication has been working great.

[Mess]

Also, "lines of communication" don't need to be opened. There are only two kinds of messages that NEED to be sent: "We are on the way to the hospital.." or "Can we switch weekends next month.."

When my daughter was born we didn't even own cell phones, or bother to get them for years afterwards. It's debatable whether we really NEED them at all. My ex works in a hospital and has to keep hers off for most of the day. I turn my ringer off and leave it in my bag most of the day. If the school calls with an emergency, they leave a message and we get back to them within an hour or so, just like my mum did. Her mum didn't even have a phone.

If you need one for work, it is for that purpose, not for the purpose of being on-call for your ex. You don't ever have to be expected to be on-call for an ex.