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  • Child stress Indicators

    At swimming Wednesday night my ex told me my daughter (5) had two night time accidents and even one during the day last week (she had the kids F-S-S-M-T). She said that both kids were behaving very poorly and it was a horrible weekend. She also told me that my 8yo son told her she was a mean mother and for this she washed his mouth out with soap (she left me a voicemail detailing what she had done, not something I would do but it's her house). Of course my son also called me after to taddle on his mother. I simply told him not to call her names or be mean and this wouldn't happen.

    Anyway my daughter had two accidents at school yesterday as well. This is now the third time a similar occurrence of this type of occurance has occurred. The first was during a very stressful one month period of our in home separation. The second started one month before ex got the boot from the boyfriends house. This is now the third.

    My son has also started using a lot of foul language. In my care two weeks ago he called his sister a bitch. I immediately punished him for using foul language and he hasn't again here. However she also told me he has been swearing at her house as well. I'm not sure if this is just a normal 8yo testing boundaries or stress related.

    To me these appear to be patterns of stress. I do not know what exactly the stress is this time but I was looking for ways to help her deal with this stress without knowing exactly what it is.

    Has anyone else experienced similar issues and what eventually resolved them.

    Thanks

  • #2
    While urinary incontinence can be a symptom of stress, it may not be if it is occurring in more then one setting.

    To be sure, you may wish to contact her family doctor as it may be a urinary infection presently. Best to rule that possibility out.

    The old way of washing a child's mouth out with soap is no longer recommended as soap now contains a lot of different chemicals. There are other ways to address language.

    I do hope things get better.

    Comment


    • #3
      Originally posted by FB_ View Post
      To me these appear to be patterns of stress. I do not know what exactly the stress is this time but I was looking for ways to help her deal with this stress without knowing exactly what it is.

      Has anyone else experienced similar issues and what eventually resolved them.

      Thanks
      FB_,

      I would recommend you and the other parent discuss this matter jointly with the children's family practitioner of medicine. A lot of very good family health care teams have social workers and other professionals whom run regular workshops that assist parents in managing their child's anxiety (stress). I believe in Ontario there even may be a requirement to run these workshops. I have seen a lot of material on this at various family health care team offices. It is something you might want to check into.

      Incontinence, especially when a child is active and awake is something best brought to the attention of the family practitioner (doctor) as there are a number of reasons this could be happening and not all of them are anxiety related.

      Good Luck!
      Tayken

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      • #4
        I'd suggest talking with the teachers or daycare providers - ask them if they've noticed anything. The bad language may just be normal acting out to see what will happen if he uses these "forbidden" words, but I'd be a bit more concerned about signs of aggression (like one kid hitting or kicking his sister) or regression (like a 5 year old having accidents).

        I don't know if there's a Rainbows programme in your area - it's a ten-week group programme for kids going through divorce or loss of a parent. It's not strictly therapy (so it's easier to get the ex on board with it if it's can be presented as a "play and support" activity) but it teaches kids coping skills and is a good place for them to safely and constructively express feelings about whatever is going on. My daughter really got a lot out of it, even though her situation wasn't as stressful as what you've been experiencing. In my area, it was sponsored by the city department of community services.

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        • #5
          Thank you both...

          I will talk to her doctor.

          Comment


          • #6
            Originally posted by stripes View Post
            I'd suggest talking with the teachers or daycare providers - ask them if they've noticed anything. The bad language may just be normal acting out to see what will happen if he uses these "forbidden" words, but I'd be a bit more concerned about signs of aggression (like one kid hitting or kicking his sister) or regression (like a 5 year old having accidents).

            I don't know if there's a Rainbows programme in your area - it's a ten-week group programme for kids going through divorce or loss of a parent. It's not strictly therapy (so it's easier to get the ex on board with it if it's can be presented as a "play and support" activity) but it teaches kids coping skills and is a good place for them to safely and constructively express feelings about whatever is going on. My daughter really got a lot out of it, even though her situation wasn't as stressful as what you've been experiencing. In my area, it was sponsored by the city department of community services.
            There have also been a lot of signs of aggression from my 8yo.

            Comment


            • #7
              Some suggestions off the top of my head:

              Keep them busy! Especially the 8yo - needs something to occupy him, not just hanging around the house.

              Be as supportive and positive as you can towards your ex. If she is feeling inadequante and defensive (pretty normal for any parent), this will help to keep the information flowing from her to you, which will help you help the kids.

              Having 'How's it going' chats with your kids - very different levels for 5y and 8y, and perhaps not directly tied to the events of the day (otherwise they might clam up) - but just so you establish this communication pattern. I'm sure you are already doing sometihing similar - but though I might mention it anyway.

              As you mentioned doing already, being clear to the kids that they must respect their mum, and that she loves them.

              Comment


              • #8
                I remember reading this article when I started my divorce.

                Children and Divorce: Helping your kids cope with the effects of separation and divorce

                I know one of the main things the psychiatrist that did my custody assessment told me to watch for is changes in eating and sleeping habits.

                There's definitely going to be some level of stress with the changes but I would definitely follow the advice of other posters and speak to the doctor to get recommendations on how to handle things.

                You might want to actually go to the doctor's with the mom so you can both hear the advice. And then maybe set up a communication email each night talking about the status of the kids and actions taken for any issues. I think in this case if you can do some collaborative parenting, the kids might have some lessened anxiety when they see you're working together.

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                • #9
                  First make sure the urinating isn't physical. My daughter is 8 and out of nowhere, started getting UTI's monthly. Her having accidents were the first indicator until we started being more aware of her symptoms. She's had at least 15 infections. If it isn't physical, then obviously something is stressing her out. Have you tried therapy? My oldest started wetting himself when he was 5, after having been toilet trained for three years. I took him to a therapist and within one session, she discovered what had been upsetting him and it immediately stopped.

                  Comment

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