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Parenting Issues This forum is for discussing any of the parenting issues involved in your divorce, including parenting of step-children.

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  #1  
Old 04-18-2006, 01:24 AM
gooddadgoingmad gooddadgoingmad is offline
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Default ex alienatiing godfather and his children

As many of you know, I've been having a great deal of difficulty accessing my son. Ex is denying regular contact etc.

My question is relating to my sons godfather. The godfather is also my bestfriend since childhood. He's a really fantastic guy and is divorced father of two young girls...whom he has 50% custody of and has a great shared parenting situation with his ex wife.

He always visits my son and sends gifts during christmas, birthdays and holidays. He's very loyal that way. Since my separation a year and a half ago, my ex has not invited him to two of my sons birthday parties ( nor myself) and has also not invited his two young girls. Something that would have happened before we split. Even though she does this, my friend and sons godfather still drops a gift off as ex's house ( always has to put it in the mailbox because she won't answer the door) and it seems she is not only trying to cut me off from my child...from is alienating the godfather..and his young children....obviously because he's my best buddy...like a brother really.

I feel this is terribly wrong and I am disappointed that this is happening. He's a fantastic, caring guy and I know that he would like his children to be close to my son as well.

Any advise or thoughts?
GDGM
  #2  
Old 04-18-2006, 01:13 PM
Decent Dad Decent Dad is offline
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My only advice would be for the Godfather to keep at it. Keep doing what he is doing.

Legally he could file a motion for some access rights to see the child (or the child having a right to see him). Even if he wins, how would anyone enforce it? You can also add it to your affidavit.

What a brutal situation.
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Old 04-18-2006, 05:14 PM
gooddadgoingmad gooddadgoingmad is offline
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yeah, it's pretty brutal. This is such a learning experience you know.....so many things have happened, such as the aforementioned, and being ignorant to the system, I haven't in many cases even told my laywer about. I have started making notes of these types of things. Really, it wasn't until I joined this group that many of these kinds of things were brought to my attention, as being important in my fight to access my son. In some ways, the stress and complexity of the divorce procedure makes you feel helpless. All of the things that I thought I had to "suck up", such as not hearing from my child on father's day, I now realize I have a right to fight for! I won't lay down and let ex get away with these things anymore. I've got to fight for my son and myself.

Thanks
GDGM
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Old 04-18-2006, 07:44 PM
Jenny Jenny is offline
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Your ex wouldn't be under any obligation to have the godfather or any of your other friends involved in your son's daily life. Hell blood relatives often don't have access rights. Again I doubt your friend would want to go to court for visitation rights and it would just muddy the waters further. You don't have to see her friends and she doesn't have to see your friends. When you see your son your friend can see him.
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Old 04-18-2006, 10:14 PM
gooddadgoingmad gooddadgoingmad is offline
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Sure when you put it like that, it seems like I'm bawling over something trivial. But before the separation, my child was very close to this man and his children, who are about the same age. In theory, you're correct on the point that there is no "obligation" on ex's part to do this. My point however, is that ex is NOT doing things which are in the best interests of our son. While I don't care for her friends either, if my son was close to one of them and their children, I certainly wouldn't keep him from them simply because it's her friend. I can't even fathom doing that.

As for my son's godfather, he tells me that he will keep trying and hope that some day ex will come to her senses. He also says that my boy won't always be 6....and someday he will be able to make his own choices. Then perhaps the relationship will be rekindled. It makes me sad, though, that his girls are wondering why they didn't get invited to the party and they say they want to play with my son.

GDGM
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Old 04-18-2006, 11:50 PM
Jenny Jenny is offline
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just you need to pick your battles if this is ever to get resolved. This seems like something easily remedied once you go back. You will be seeing this guy - you can invite him and his kids along with you when you have access to your son.

I think you have established here that your ex is doing all sorts of things you don't agree with and that aren't in his best interest- the court will be interested in some and not in others. I think this is one of those things the court will really not care about and like I said - just muddy the waters. Then they have to sift through more valid complaints to deal with this sort of thing- it waters down your argument. You have more valid concerns then who is invited to a birthday party your ex is planning and holding. When you move back -you can hold your own parties for him and you won't be obligated to invite her friends or family. That is the reality of divorce.

Put it this way- if you had a falling out with this guy for whatever reason and he went to court to get visitation to see him - would you think he should/would get it?
  #7  
Old 04-19-2006, 12:19 AM
Grace Grace is offline
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GDGM, I've been following you posts from day one. I hope and pray that when you return home, you will have one big party for you and your son, including his godfather and his children. You can celebrate birthdays, x-mas, easter, fathers day all in one. I think it is a good thing that you are "coming home". I wish you all the best in a happy reunion with your son.

God bless,
Grace
  #8  
Old 05-03-2006, 02:27 AM
Tim Tim is offline
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Yes, wishing you the best here as well.
I will be thinking of you.

Please do keep us posted.
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