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So my STBX is a lazy parent. He lives in an apartment with no outdoor space, although a huge park across the street. My kids don't go outside when they're there and they go stir crazy. The come back to me and are practically crawling the walls. He also doesn't do laundry, barely brushes their teeth, never combs their hair, cuts nails, etc. Kids are 7, 5 and 3. Things go missing all the time - swimsuits, school uniforms, winter clothing, you name it. He can't keep track of anything and frequently loses his own things. On Wednesday I bought scarves (again) for the kids and by Thursday my daughters was lost. Guess where she was on Wednesday night? With Daddy. Not only do I pay for these items but I have to take time from work to replace them. He also rarely disciplines them and they often come home swearing and mannerless. He is otherwise an ok parent and certainly means well, but he didn't have great parental role models as a kid and certainly doesn't know about consistent routines and discipline. We have done a few parenting classes, but he seems to think it's comedy night, not very serious. He doesn't manage his work schedule well and every day is different on our schedule. I organize all of it and if he messes something up, I'm on the hook. My question after all of this is, is there some way to mandate him to wake the F up as a parent in terms of responsibility and organization? Or am I stuck with this mess as-is?
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You can't force him to be a better parent. There is nothing legally you can do that will force him to brush their teeth and stop losing their scarves. I know the kids are young but start teaching them their own routines. One nights at dad's doesn't turn them into evil children, maybe he let's them get away with more because he only sees them every so often. But the short answer is no you can't do anything... it's unfortunate but it's the truth
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It sucks but I don't think there is much you can do.
We had this issue and there really wasn't much we could do. As kids age you help teach them more about personal responsibility for their items. Also encourage them to express their feelings directly to their dad if they are bored or unhappy about their time with him. If it isn't coming from you he might be more receptive to suggestions.Comment
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Give him more time with the kids so he has enough time to organize and enjoy his time with them.Comment
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why would you have to take time off work to replace lost items?Comment
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If this is all very recent and you had the primary parenting role during the marriage, it may just take a little time for him to grow into a more active parenting role. With some time and confidence he may surprise you and step up to the plate. Or he may not. Just thinking a little time may be needed before a custody decision is made that affects many years to come.Comment
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Probably because shopping without the kids while they are at school or daycare is much easier than trying to do it with three small ones in tow.Originally posted by standing on the sidelines View Post
I know I try to do all my shopping and errands during lunchbreaks!Comment
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I am sure these articles are not lost. If they were just bought Wednesday and by Thursday they were 'lost' but the kids don't leave dad's house, then they must be at Dad's house?
Maybe a better way to do things is to buy two sets, tell Dad one is for his place and keep one at your place. Also let him know that if the articles go missing in his house he is responsible for replacing them.
But I agree, taking time off work seems silly, why not go Thursdays when the kids are at Dad's house?Comment
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