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Post Secondary Expenses in a Shared Custody Sitaution

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  • #16
    Post secondary expenses are a special beast. A parent can’t say they didn’t agree in writing and get away with it. Education is important and judges will not let a parent off on a technicality like not agreeing writing. It’s why post secondary is clearly stated in the guidelines. She can play whatever game she wants, she is still obligated to pay her share.

    It sounds like you need to have that frank discussion with your son. Has he spoken to his mother about her contribution and has she confirmed? Even if you go to court, she will be beholden to the child because someone has to pay the costs and if you aren’t going to pay it, kid will be footing the bill.

    I wouldn’t put so much weight on going away to get him to come out of his shell. Living away from home can take a toll on an introvert and impact them mentally. Plus many introverts remain that way long after they hit adulthood regardless of their social situation. It could just be he hasn’t found his people at high school.

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    • #17
      So, I have some updates to date and perhaps a few questions / requests.

      Mom has agreed to child attending this program in writing. However, mom has taken the position that she will NOT vary any child support period, she expects me to pay her full offset. She states that she has retained a lawyer, however has instructed her lawyer to NOT communicate with me whatsoever. She's insisting that she will only discuss this if I retain a lawyer because she wants me to pay. Her lawyer has a long history of playing these games to create conflict. Currently, income information is being withheld (on mom's part), I've been forthcoming with all of my income disclosure, etc...

      One question that keeps coming back in my reading, the guidance seems to indicate either 1) no support payable when child is away, or 2) a reduced amount of support is payable to the recipient parent.

      How likely would #2 be? Child would be 5.5 hours away, in a coop program with no reasonable expectations of returning home with the possible exception of 4 months after the first year. Bearing in mind that we both maintain a home for the child (50/50 previously) and should both be payor parents.

      Given the maneuvering happening, I'm inclined to obtain legal counsel, but want to protect my rights to costs. I've been thinking that I should serve an offer to settle. It rots me to have to pay for legal counsel when this can and should be settled between us. But if she will only talk with legal counsel, then she can be on the hook of those costs. Any advice or wording would be appreciated.

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      • #18
        Post Secondary Expenses in a Shared Custody Sitaution

        There is no set wording on support because post secondary is so grey. Plus incomes make it challenging. The idea is that the support payor is paying living expenses for the child to be away. If the issue to “maintain a home” is so serious then the child should not be going away.

        She cant tell you to get counsel. You are entitled to self rep. Costs are also tricky because she could decide to settle and you are out your expenses.

        Make her on offer. Tell her you will pay the four months of offset averaged over the year. Or give her a hundred bucks a month for the months the kid is away. Tell her if she doesnt like it, you will participate in mediation. If that doesn’t work, let her file. Put your foot down about the lawyer. Her lawyer is obligated to communicate with you especially if they file a court action.

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