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should I say no too spousal support

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  • should I say no too spousal support

    Hi everyone this is my first posting.Hope to get some advise.I was married 23 years.My ex had a affair on facebook and left to go and live with this guy.We split May 2008 and she is still living with him today.Living with me is my daughter 20 and my son 22.My daughter is in 3rd year college.My ex worked for 14 years and made $35,000 the last 2 or 3 years.I make $50,000 per year.My ex quit her job and said goodbye to her kids and her new guy picked her up in the driveway and she moved 4 hours out of town( only met the guy once).Moved to a little shack in the bush.She went stupid and bought a $37,000 car with no job.She has it on a 5 year payment of $510 per month + $225 insurance and $300 monthly gas costs.This is all registered with the lawyers.She also put $17,000 on her own visa.I'm not responsible for any of it.She owed zero when she left.She also registered $8,000 of other debts and cashed in $7,000 of our rrsp's. The only debts we have is $17,000 an a credit line. Her lawyer wants supposal support in the range of $500 to $700 per month.We are in the colaberative program with lawyers no court yet unless we cant reach an agreement.Then it would got to court.Her lawyer says she will only make $18,000 in 2009 because she works part time and can't find work.What she is doing is being supported by her boyfriend and pretending there is no work.In her area i have printed off about 60 job postings from employment ontario since she left.She is a health care aid.With a low income she would draw out more ss and pay less in cs for my daughter in college.$179 per month on a $18,000 income.Her lawyer also wants to put $10,000 on top of my income because he says i have a company vehicle and its a taxable benifit.I pay for personal use on it of .20 cents per kilmometer and have a taxable benifit added to my income on my t4 slip.I live in the matrimonial home with the kids.We own the home no morgage payment.When we split up the finances she will get $60,000 for the home,$60,000 in rrsp's, entilelment to my pension which may be a pay out of $40,000 cash but so far she said she will just take her share when i retire.I,m 50 years old.10 years left to work.Since she left she has not given a loaf of bread to help her kids, nothing.I am trying to help my daughter with college so she can have a good future.On a sad note my 22 year old son has come down with a extremely rare life threatning diease and he went under 2 life threatning anyorism surguries in July 2009 and again in Oct 2009.We were medivaced to southern Ontario two times.Because of his health issue we have been down to London 4 times in 2009 and once in Jan 2010.and at least 4 more left to go this year that are already sheduled.I have spent about $5,000 in medical and travel costs already.Everytime i go it costs me $900 to $1000.I have kept all reciepts of costs.I do get a little help with the northern ontario travel grant.But it doesn't even come close to covering all costs.She hasn,t given one cent to us to help.My son doesn,t even talk to his mom.Since his health issues my son lost a good job. He is incapable of working and has no income.He just started a claim for disability.They say it will take up to 4 months to process.I took my net monthly income minus my utility bills, house insurancs,taxes, put a pretend cost of $600 per month for a new morgage(as per my bank manager) and a payment of $500 for ss.This will leave me with about $550 per month to feed myself and my 2 kids and personel products,cloths, pet food, personel car costs and misalanious items.This does not inculde cost for medical travels.This leaves me no money to help my sick son or daughter with school.I am my sons total health care provider and financial supporter right now.My lawyer suggested i offer $500 for ss.She definitly couldn't of looked at my financail situation before saying that.I can't see how i can do it.I was going to say no to ss as she is getting $50,000 cash,$60,000 in rrsp's from the finances,also a pension plan or pay out of $40,000. She has the ability to work full time and has recohabitated for almost 2 years with another guy.They have 2 incomes no kids.I have 1 income and 2 kids .I am not asking for support for my daughter either.She will probably take it to court if she can find the money. We do not talk at all only through lawyers letters.What do you think my chances are from a judge if it goes to court? Some of the things i've read is she has to prove she is in need or entiteld to it.Right now she has a better quality of living than me.My lawyer wanted to get her boyfriends income into the mix but her lawyer is addiment not to include it.However i read on this site about a posting to decrease ss by filing out part #6 other income on the financial statement(ontario).Would this help me if i got my lawyer to include her boyfiends income there or hurt my case? I don't realy understand that section of the financial statement. Can i legally go after support for my sick son even when he is over 18 years old?Also can she be made to pay medical costs or would it just be a moral issue?Also does anyone no how i find out about the new ammendments to the divorice laws that were suppose to change how pensions are paid out? Thanks so much for reading this and helping so many people on this web site.I have learned alot from reading on here.

  • #2
    Heck no, forget SS. She left and recklessly disposed of her income. Her lawyer is a fool for opening that can of worms. Your response inevitably s/b what about CS for the children she abandoned two years ago?

    Whatever she has done financially since she left, as foolish as she has been, is her problem. If anything it underscores your argument that a notional income s/b attributed to her for reckesslly leaving her career.

    PS As another member here once suggested, paragraphs are your friend. Try breaking up your thoughts into manageable sections. Go back and re-read your post. It's one VERY long paragraph. Also, re-read your post before submitting it. It will help you organize your thoughts better. Good luck!

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    • #3
      saying no

      Thanks for the advice.I will do as you say.I do see what you mean by one long paragraph.I should of stayed in english class more often. lol

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      • #4
        Yeah, don't take offence about the paragraph, it helps a lot and will help you a lot to sort out your thoughts. When I prepare things for may lawyer I do it in point form, short sentences, each individual issue or event gets it's own section.

        It makes it a lot easier for me to look over my situation, decide what matters, what doesn't, what might need more explaining, etc. Then I switch the points so they are in a logical order that builds to a conclusion. My lawyer has told me that my style doing this saves her hours of work and has saved me hundreds of dollars.

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        • #5
          WOW! Not a good example for her kids. Glad you are there for them. It sounds like a very fair offer without the SS. She has the ability to earn a fair income and SHE chooses not to. It should not be your responsibility to pay for her laziness.

          What were her work schedules like before the separation? what was her income? If she moved out and reduced her income then that should not punish you, the one who is being a parent.

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          • #6
            THe last 3 years she was full time work.She worked steady night shift 11 to 7 am.All the years before that she was permanent part time doing a 35hr garranted shifts every 2 weeks. But being in the health care field she always got lots of extra shifs during her work weeks.She would make $26,000 to $35,000 during her 14 years there.

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            • #7
              Thanks for the tip on the point forms and short sentances.I will try to do that.

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              • #8
                then you should request that she be imputed an income that reflects that. She is fully employable and was working full time hour prior to separation. Unless she has a medical condition there is no reason why she cannot work full time.

                Comment

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