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  • #31
    Originally posted by rockscan View Post
    Abba, you have actually proven Janus’ argument by continuing to respond to him.

    Rule of thumb: you don’t need to attend every argument you are invited to.

    You disagree with his statements, you have said that repeatedly, end the comments.
    There are arguments and then there are insults
    I do not cotton to uncalled for insults
    So yes I will correct that nonsense
    Arguments I relish. Civil debate. Learning from experienced persons with expertise
    Insults get corrected
    If that is thin skinned then mea culpa
    Don’t want a reply? Save the toxins for someone else.
    Last edited by Abba435; 04-29-2020, 10:37 AM.

    Comment


    • #32
      Part of the complexity of this forum is that everyone only gets exposed to a small window of someone's matter/issues. Nobody knows eachother's full story or the breadth of their issues and backgrounds to them. Everyone has had negative experiences with their ex's, and some went through hell (including me) to get to where they are now. It is wrong to make assumptions on people based on the tiny bit of information they receive in this forum.

      Comment


      • #33
        Originally posted by rockscan View Post
        Abba, you have actually proven Janus’ argument by continuing to respond to him.

        Rule of thumb: you don’t need to attend every argument you are invited to.

        You disagree with his statements, you have said that repeatedly, end the comments.
        Excellent observation rockscan. Imagine what the affidavit exchange between Abba and the other parent must look like. Every little thing needs to be addressed and responded to.

        Abba, with respect you really need to consider what is relevant to respond to and how to respond. Digest the argument presented and try to weigh the relevance better. You don't want good points being lost to noise.

        Comment


        • #34
          Originally posted by Abba435 View Post
          Divorce obsessed? Please. You could not be further from the truth sir.
          The length of your response to my comment actually demonstrates your potential obsession. Go back and re-read it. The detail... Very little of it was relevant. It was mostly a rant of "you don't know my story". Which is a very common behavior pattern that posters use on this site.

          If only you knew the "real" story...

          To your worst thing happening in a court house... My presence made a litigant barf at "purge court" because I was sitting in the back of the court room.

          I also once saw a litigant run across the court room and kick the other party while the judge was walking in the room. There is no shortage of stories of bad behavior in the court house.

          I would rather have to deal with a devious lawyer than a stupid lawyer. A devious lawyer operates with intent and to a pattern. The bad conduct of devious lawyers is well know and easy to figure out.

          Tip for you: Go to the court house and have the clerks pull up all the recent records for that particular lawyer and read them. Find the common pattern of behavior. Devious lawyers have a pattern and they repeat it in all their client files. You are no dummy and you will see it.

          Also... go to the other court houses just on the edge of your jurisdiction and see if they have had any family law cases there too.

          Good Luck!
          Tayken

          Comment


          • #35
            Well I had the pleasure of dealing with one that was both devious and less than bright.
            My point remains
            Civil discourse without personal insults.
            Just not appropriate in my opinion.
            Your advice is well taken.

            Comment


            • #36
              Originally posted by Tayken View Post
              Excellent observation rockscan. Imagine what the affidavit exchange between Abba and the other parent must look like. Every little thing needs to be addressed and responded to.

              Abba, with respect you really need to consider what is relevant to respond to and how to respond. Digest the argument presented and try to weigh the relevance better. You don't want good points being lost to noise.
              Arguments I like
              Informed advice
              Insults not at all
              Not apologizing
              Don’t insult people
              “Imagine the affidavits.”
              The lawyer that did read one for me said it was exceptional
              As did one judge in different words
              It is just not nice or helpful to be critical and sarcastic
              I doubt you would say anything like this in person
              Social media problem
              I don’t think you get it

              Comment


              • #37
                Originally posted by Abba435 View Post
                Arguments I like
                Informed advice
                Insults not at all
                Not apologizing
                Don’t insult people
                “Imagine the affidavits.”
                The lawyer that did read one for me said it was exceptional
                As did one judge in different words
                It is just not nice or helpful to be critical and sarcastic
                I doubt you would say anything like this in person
                Social media problem
                I don’t think you get it
                Nope. I don't get it. Nor do the anonymous people who contribute to this forum using fake name need to. Feel free to put me on Ignore.

                Comment


                • #38
                  Originally posted by Tayken View Post
                  Nope. I don't get it. Nor do the anonymous people who contribute to this forum using fake name need to. Feel free to put me on Ignore.
                  I stand corrected.
                  Anonymous means civility can be suspended.
                  Insults are acceptable.
                  Empathy is discouraged or invites taunts.
                  Did not see that in any forum rules but fully understood now. Thanks.

                  Comment


                  • #39
                    Abba435 - you are an emotionally frail and stupid guy.

                    Judges do not take kindly to those qualities. But there is one group less tolerant of emotional frailty and stupidity than judges: women (evolutionary psychology explains why that is). You were not able to do better than a woman who leaves you for support payments. That is the fundamental reason you are in the crappy situation that you're in.

                    By the way, your last post is in the form of shit my ex wife would say. She would say "So you're saying '[some bullshit I never said]'".

                    Comment


                    • #40
                      Originally posted by CoolGuy41 View Post
                      Abba435 - you are an emotionally frail and stupid guy.

                      Judges do not take kindly to those qualities. But there is one group less tolerant of emotional frailty and stupidity than judges: women (evolutionary psychology explains why that is). You were not able to do better than a woman who leaves you for support payments. That is the fundamental reason you are in the crappy situation that you're in.

                      By the way, your last post is in the form of shit my ex wife would say. She would say "So you're saying '[some bullshit I never said]'".

                      res ipsa loquitur amigo

                      Comment


                      • #41
                        Originally posted by Abba435 View Post
                        res ipsa loquitur amigo
                        In Canada the doctrine of res ipsa loquitur has been largely overturned by the Supreme Court. In case of Fontaine v. British Columbia (Official Administrator) the Court rejected the use of res ipsa loquitur and instead proposed the rule that once the plaintiff has proven that the harm was under exclusive control of the defendant and that they were not contributorily negligent a tactical burden is placed on the defendant in which the judge has the discretion to infer negligence unless the defendant can produce evidence to the contrary.

                        https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Res_ipsa_loquitur

                        Comment


                        • #42
                          Colloquial usage
                          Thanks for this
                          Interesting

                          Comment


                          • #43
                            I didn't read the whole thread, but I did read a bunch of the earlier post and agree with Rockscan, Janus and Tayken.

                            My ex used to constantly send passive aggressive emails full of BS with a tidbit information relevant to our kid. Initially I would push back against all of her snide comments, saying they are unnecessary and untrue etc. That got tiresome and was counter productive as the ex fed off of that as she knew it got under my skin. I moved to simply only replying to issues relating to the children. If there was a text or email with a bunch of garbage with "D can be picked up at X time", I learned to ignore the garbage and say I would be there at X time.

                            I would continue to use email. I would only use text messages if absolutely necessary. If the ex texts you with some BS, but it also has a sliver of kid stuff in it, email her back (don't text) replying only to the kid information.

                            The ex is creating conflict she knows you will get you to over react because that is what the pattern has always been. They are trying to create a scenario where you guys cannot communicate in order to gain sole custody. Don't allow her to drag you down into that mess because court is generally a crap shoot and expensive. You need to communicate. You need to learn to ignore the BS and grow thicker skin. If you don't you will end up taking your chances in court.

                            As for the ex making decisions that go against the joint custody order, I would email them in a professional manner saying that you "don't agree with their unilateral decision to do X". That the court order requires to both to agree on such matters, or in the alternative seek mediation or arbitration. That their unilateral decision is contrary to the court order and that the cease taking such actions/making such decisions or you will seek to remedy it through the appropriate means.

                            Now the above doesn't mean you get to disagree with everything the ex does. If it is something you actually agree, but just don't agree with being left out of the decision you say as much. You say, While I am ultimately in agreement with X, I don't agree with your unilateral approach to this decision contrary to the court order.

                            What you need to do is be the bigger person while documenting their pattern of unilateral decisions/actions.

                            Comment


                            • #44
                              Originally posted by HammerDad View Post
                              I didn't read the whole thread, but I did read a bunch of the earlier post and agree with Rockscan, Janus and Tayken.

                              My ex used to constantly send passive aggressive emails full of BS with a tidbit information relevant to our kid. Initially I would push back against all of her snide comments, saying they are unnecessary and untrue etc. That got tiresome and was counter productive as the ex fed off of that as she knew it got under my skin. I moved to simply only replying to issues relating to the children. If there was a text or email with a bunch of garbage with "D can be picked up at X time", I learned to ignore the garbage and say I would be there at X time.

                              I would continue to use email. I would only use text messages if absolutely necessary. If the ex texts you with some BS, but it also has a sliver of kid stuff in it, email her back (don't text) replying only to the kid information.

                              The ex is creating conflict she knows you will get you to over react because that is what the pattern has always been. They are trying to create a scenario where you guys cannot communicate in order to gain sole custody. Don't allow her to drag you down into that mess because court is generally a crap shoot and expensive. You need to communicate. You need to learn to ignore the BS and grow thicker skin. If you don't you will end up taking your chances in court.

                              As for the ex making decisions that go against the joint custody order, I would email them in a professional manner saying that you "don't agree with their unilateral decision to do X". That the court order requires to both to agree on such matters, or in the alternative seek mediation or arbitration. That their unilateral decision is contrary to the court order and that the cease taking such actions/making such decisions or you will seek to remedy it through the appropriate means.

                              Now the above doesn't mean you get to disagree with everything the ex does. If it is something you actually agree, but just don't agree with being left out of the decision you say as much. You say, While I am ultimately in agreement with X, I don't agree with your unilateral approach to this decision contrary to the court order.

                              What you need to do is be the bigger person while documenting their pattern of unilateral decisions/actions.
                              You are actually agreeing with every single thing I did. And it still ended up at trial. You cannot force someone to be reasonable and to act in good faith.

                              People seem to have entirely missed the TEMPORARY use of letters. About 6 months over an 8 year period and that was 5 years ago. I think many stop reading on these forums (and on social media) and do not reflect and just start typing. I am likely as guilty as any. Nature of the medium.

                              My main point was there is no reason that I can think of that justifies insulting people no matter if anonymous or not. But that is just me maybe. Call me thin skinned, stupid, obsessed whatever. That actually reflects on the writer more than on me personally. It has no bearing on the fact I am confident did the right things for my kids 99% of the time. Anyone can disagree if they choose. Type away.

                              Thanks for the comments, they reinforce my conduct and decisions and reflect very much how I chose to deal with the mayhem.

                              The take away is separation agreements and court orders cannot enforce reasonable conduct. When faced with what I have (seemingly incorrectly) termed verbal abuse the best option is to reply (if at all) with brief, firm, factual, informative and friendly language always in the interests of the children. It made for good exhibits at trial. As did the lawyer's letters and other compelling (I hope) documents.

                              For those that have been through this forums like this are very valuable and I appreciate you taking the time to chime in. Wishing everyone safety and security in this pandemic and otherwise.
                              Last edited by Abba435; 05-01-2020, 12:12 PM.

                              Comment


                              • #45
                                You are correct, you cannot force someone to be reasonable. All you can do is control your own actions. Don't take anything I am saying personally, you know your ex better than us. We are just setting out our thoughts on how to deal with her, while giving yourself the most ammo and different ways to save your mental health from the craziness.

                                And I did note that the use of letters was temporary. I also think, temporary or not, it is a poor decision simply because inhibits communication, or at least gives the appearance that it inhibits communication. I think using email primarily allows you to save the emails for future reference and use in court.

                                If your ex insults you, as mine did as well, simply reply that such comments are not necessary or constructive. That you request that all communication be strictly child centric and that she refrain from insults, as you won't reply to anything that includes insulting/demeaning comments. That you don't make such comments to her, you expect the same consideration in return. Then you do exactly that.

                                I know you know this - and I don't want to come off as sounding demeaning to you, as I do know you know this - but the more she sends that sort of BS the more ammo you have. I changed my position from trying to reply and retort every comment she made to simply saving the email and ignoring the BS. The more unhinged they are, the better off you are should you end up in court and casually lay out the emails for the judge showing them that the ex is abusive/ combative etc. and that you are doing your best to work through that.

                                Comment

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