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  • making decisions: emotional vs rational

    I just learned today in class that it is virtually impossible to make a decision that is both rational and emotional at the same time. Apparently, our brains are hard wired to only be able to focus on one at a time, so our reactions are either based on emotion or rational thinking and not both.

    I'm just wondering how others here get around this. It seems my emotional reactions and my rational reactions are constantly in conflict. Every time I try to convince myself that something makes sense rationally (in reference to my FL case) I find that I emotionally back away from it. What seems fair and just on paper often seems like it will be emotionally damaging. Does that make sense?

    Any advice?

  • #2
    Did you know that the left side of our brain dominates the right side of our body and vice versa? That means that only left handed people are in their right minds!

    You can apply all the psycho-babble (NBDad ) in the world to the way we do things. In the end, we do what we do and trying to (over)analyze it may or may not get us any closer to the holy grail of truth and/or meaning.

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    • #3
      Well said!

      Not sure if I am over-analyzing though. Maybe I am just realizing why I am having such a hard time deciding. Unfortunately for me I am such and emotionally driven person that listening to either side is going to bring about guilt, either for disregarding how I really feel, or for not being fair.

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      • #4
        I think your situation and life with your ex has done this to you. You probably didn't have much of a voice or supressed alot of your feelings, needs and wants to accommidate him. The abuse also did it to you.

        And now, that you have said enough, and standing on your own feet, you are going to question alot of what you think, how you feel and how you react. It's just a normal process. And as DTTE keeps saying, once things are settled, it will be alot different. It's just a matter when we get there and on the other side of the fence where the grass seems to be greener

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        • #5
          I've read that if you clench up your right hand (or similar action on the right) you will start focusing with your left-side (logical) brain. Whether this is bullshit is up to you to decide.

          My take on this is that a purely logical decision can be made by the numbers, by adding up pros and cons, but it's our emotions that assign priorities. My kids are more important than my bank account, so even if a settlement has more pros for the bank account, I may reject it because my priority is time with my kids. Just an example, but this is where emotions overrule logic, but it's because emotions add weight to certain pros and cons.

          The worst emotion to follow is the "FUCK THEM! FUCK THEM!! FUCK THEM!!!" emotions. But letting your emotions set your priorities isn't always a bad thing if it means caring for your loved ones.

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          • #6
            Thanks guys. My feelings are very much aligned with what is best for my daughter and I. I will admit that there is a little voice inside that wants to get back at him, but I haven't listened to it so far, and I don't plan on it.

            The saddest part of it all is that what I really feel is best is not going to happen. There wasn't enough evidence, or not enough proof according to their strict guidelines. All I can do at this point is to hope that he will live up to their expectations.

            To be honest, I don't think it's my head and heart that are disagreeing. Neither of them agree with their recommendations and I am having a really hard time accepting that I was not believed.

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            • #7
              My dream foursome.

              Confidential to Mess:Good to see you!!!

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              • #8
                Listen Billie, the OCL report and the few hours they spent reviewing your case just doesn't cut it. How that could have so much play in determining important life decisions is beyond me. Another flaw in the system. Anyone can be the perfect person, parent in the few moments spent with these individuals. Your ex alot like mine, play the nice guy to everyone else but have the knife ready to stab us in the back, why because we see them for who they really are and don't allow them to control us.
                To them it's about winning or they think that that's all we want is to win. They fail to see that there are no real winners. A family unit has been destroyed. Your perceptions of your marriage dwindle and even when you want to say it really wasn't that bad and want to look and reflect on the good times they shoot you down, stomp all over it and make it sound like it was the worst thing.
                YOU know your situation, and your situation with your ex.

                I think I told you this before, but you have gone over and beyond what alot of others would have done to ensure that your daughter and her father have a relationship.

                Remember, he doesn't own you anymore! You were his possesion and honestly someone like him will not give in lightly until he gets WHAT he wants. Not even taking into consideration WHAT your daughter wants and needs are.
                Last edited by tugofwar; 11-04-2010, 09:57 PM.

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                • #9
                  Originally posted by billiechic View Post
                  Thanks guys. My feelings are very much aligned with what is best for my daughter and I. I will admit that there is a little voice inside that wants to get back at him, but I haven't listened to it so far, and I don't plan on it.

                  The saddest part of it all is that what I really feel is best is not going to happen. There wasn't enough evidence, or not enough proof according to their strict guidelines. All I can do at this point is to hope that he will live up to their expectations.

                  To be honest, I don't think it's my head and heart that are disagreeing. Neither of them agree with their recommendations and I am having a really hard time accepting that I was not believed.
                  Don't forget, nobody gets everything they want, except the l*****s. You're allowed to feel the way you're feeling. It will get better, guarandamnteed.

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                  • #10
                    Originally posted by dadtotheend View Post
                    My dream foursome.
                    Yes, it's been awhile.....lol

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                    • #11
                      Originally posted by tugofwar View Post
                      Yes, it's been awhile.....lol
                      Right, then. Let's break out the baby oil...

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                      • #12
                        Quiet on the tee please.

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                        • #13
                          Originally posted by Mess View Post
                          Right, then. Let's break out the baby oil...
                          Is it Twister time??

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                          • #14
                            You're the alternate. Unless....

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                            • #15
                              Unless.....?

                              Comment

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