I will sum this up as quickly as I can. Any feedback would be greatly appreciated!
Our daughter is 4 months old, I am mixed feeding. My relationship with her father was extremely tumultuos due to addiction to gambling, alocohol, and his depression. he is going to an addiction specialist (MD) in march. He is very verbally abusive and volitile, and has said that his behaviour is fine becuase our daughter won't remember/doesn't know. he has lost 3 jobs in one yr due to personality conflicts and aggression. I have anxiety attacks when he comes to get her or calls me and have asked him to use email primarily. He lies constantly, to the point where he didnt take her supplies with him because then I would know he wasnt going where he said he was
He owes me a bundle of money and has not paid child support (to be fair he gave me $80 once in the last 4 months). I tried to go through a Family Justice counselor/mediation but he put it off for 2 months, so she has advised me to file with the supreme court as that way if he doesn't follow the agreement I can get authorities involved.
Is it unreasonable that I feel sole custody (with me) with liberal visitation is best for my daughter in this situation? At this point, we can't agree on anything, and I find that anything I suggest is the opposite of what he will want out of spite. I grew up with divorced parents who fought, and I want to avoid doin gthat to my daughter. I currently encourage him to see her 12 hours a week (3 4-hour visits). He doens't take that much time, usually seeing her from 2 hours a week to 10 hours. He is asking for an overnight, but I am nursing and am concerned about her safety due to his psycological issues and his roommate, who is a big drinker. I was thinking that if he can be sober for a while and provide a safe place for her to sleep when she is weaned (estimate 8 months old maybe sooner?), (safe roommate, maybe a playpen?) one sleepover every second week, 5pm-10amish, plus 14 hours a week? I have read that short but frequent visits are best for the infant.
He has come to pick her up smelling like booze a few times, and other times I drop her off to him at his parents house and he smells like booze as well. I asked him to stay sober within 24 hours of seeing her, because I am not an expert and can't judge whether he is hungover or still intoxicated.
He is also asking me to pay rent for the apartment we lived in since I left.
Thank you for listening to my side of things. Any advice is greatly appreciated! I am wondering if I am being reasonable. He has told me I have bad first time mom syndrome and am alienating him etc which is the last thing I would ever intentionally do.
Our daughter is 4 months old, I am mixed feeding. My relationship with her father was extremely tumultuos due to addiction to gambling, alocohol, and his depression. he is going to an addiction specialist (MD) in march. He is very verbally abusive and volitile, and has said that his behaviour is fine becuase our daughter won't remember/doesn't know. he has lost 3 jobs in one yr due to personality conflicts and aggression. I have anxiety attacks when he comes to get her or calls me and have asked him to use email primarily. He lies constantly, to the point where he didnt take her supplies with him because then I would know he wasnt going where he said he was
He owes me a bundle of money and has not paid child support (to be fair he gave me $80 once in the last 4 months). I tried to go through a Family Justice counselor/mediation but he put it off for 2 months, so she has advised me to file with the supreme court as that way if he doesn't follow the agreement I can get authorities involved.
Is it unreasonable that I feel sole custody (with me) with liberal visitation is best for my daughter in this situation? At this point, we can't agree on anything, and I find that anything I suggest is the opposite of what he will want out of spite. I grew up with divorced parents who fought, and I want to avoid doin gthat to my daughter. I currently encourage him to see her 12 hours a week (3 4-hour visits). He doens't take that much time, usually seeing her from 2 hours a week to 10 hours. He is asking for an overnight, but I am nursing and am concerned about her safety due to his psycological issues and his roommate, who is a big drinker. I was thinking that if he can be sober for a while and provide a safe place for her to sleep when she is weaned (estimate 8 months old maybe sooner?), (safe roommate, maybe a playpen?) one sleepover every second week, 5pm-10amish, plus 14 hours a week? I have read that short but frequent visits are best for the infant.
He has come to pick her up smelling like booze a few times, and other times I drop her off to him at his parents house and he smells like booze as well. I asked him to stay sober within 24 hours of seeing her, because I am not an expert and can't judge whether he is hungover or still intoxicated.
He is also asking me to pay rent for the apartment we lived in since I left.
Thank you for listening to my side of things. Any advice is greatly appreciated! I am wondering if I am being reasonable. He has told me I have bad first time mom syndrome and am alienating him etc which is the last thing I would ever intentionally do.
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